SAMPLE

the last.

2007-03-15T21:02:00.000-07:00

this is gnna be my last post. im not gnna do blogging anymore.at least not anytime soon. and im not encouraging anyone to blog. blogging is a root to evil. its the most insincere way of expressing things - blogging has cause my life to be in ruins ryte now.

lets see, today, im done having a quarrel with mum. again.
she blamed me for all the things. sweet wrapper, she says its mine. menstruation blood on the comforter, she says its mine. sanitary napkin wrapper, she says its mine. rubbish, she says its mine. stuff lying on the floor, she says its mine. the one who alwaes return and make a mess on what suppose to be a clean home,- me. wtf. im not the only one in the house who eats sweets. im not the only one in the house who have menses. im not the only one in the house who uses sanitary napkins. im not the only one in the house whos untidy.

i got so stressed up. i left the house for school. i sat for awhile. and i went off to acc aishah to eat. went to aishahs place. and i thought i released sum of the stress. but on my way back.

haiz. i dnno. i dnno wad to say. its because of my stupid blog. its the cause. wad i posted, again isnt meant for him. but just because there was coincidences..haiz.
i shudnt have posted anything. i shudnt have sections in posts which isnt named for. people assumed there. im sorry. im sorry fahmi. i guess, i owe u an apology after all.

im sorry to everyone.im sorry if i ever offend anyone in any way.

i dnt feel good.
in a matter of such a short period of time.
i have lost so much.friends. the one i look up to and more.
i want to die. i want to die this instant. nothing really gives me anything anymore.
i have no more reason to continue.

i dnt feel good.
i dnt.

nobody trusts me. im blamed for every littkle things. at home and everywhere else. it nvr change. so i earn all that trust and its gone just like that? suddenly im not trusted anymore? im not good.im not ok..

to ****:-
nothing recently was ever meant for you. i ddnt stab you in the back. u dnt have to wish that this is the scenerio, because this is. i have apologised. look, i look up to u. i wan to make u proud in everything. u were my friend. u ddnt think wrongly. i confided in u in a lot of things. when i left my clique, i confided i you. for a lot of things, i look for you. because you were alwaes there.you alwaes seem to know all the right tings to say. i dnno wad to say anymore. i noe apologising here, is the most insincere way of doing it, but i dnno how to anymore.

my life can nvr get bttr. it nvr is. i want to die. its not just suicidal thoughts and knowing i wont do it, its suicidal thoughts and wanting to make it happen is scaring me out.

i wont blog anymore. not here. not anytime soon.
good bye.

again, im sorry, for everything.

and THOSE WHO LINK ME, UNLINK ME.

2007-03-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

i had suicidal thoughts just now.
gosh,i sound emo.
and hell im not.
not that i wont admit or wadever the fcuk,
im not an emo.
eww.=.=

a lot of things came into my mind todae.
not good coz i was reminded of a lot of things.
i want to cry in your arms again.
i want you to tell me everythings gnna be fine and its not worth it.
i want to see you smile everyday like i use to.
i wan to be the one u need.
i want to be there for you.

have u ever wondered,
on what really makes u happy?
i thought of it todae.
i pursue sumth for a period of time.
but looking back now,
it doesnt provide me with much.
i laughed.i had fun.i fought for it.i pursued it. i treasured it. i keep it at priority. i neglected work cause of it.
but looking back,
its down the drain now.
it doesnt mean anything now.

well,pple change.
& so did i.

initially, i had so much to blog about.
but i cnat find the correct, polite words to be typing out.
it all seem so harsh.

i have said my piece.
i have done more then what i shud.
i have compromised on stuffs i ddnt think i would.
&& so its ur turn now.
i have given in.

today, now, this second, i, NUR SHAFIQAH BTE SAHAR, admit defeat.U WIN. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY.

my bestfriend:-
i ddnt noe wad happen to it. it hang. den it died. den wen i charge wen i got back. its the wya it is. u use it longer, and it nvr happen to u, it doesnt mean it wudnt happen ryte?im sorry. i ddnt drop it. i hold the thing. i was the only one. i have used it for quite sumtime. but nth have been wrong. im sorry. i swear, i'll never touch ur things. i'll never borrow again. im really sorry. well, we will keep our distance now shall we? you can put me at fault.

im suay.
wadever i touch,
i destroy it.
wadever i do,
its wrong.
wadever i say,
it offends pple.
wadever im entrusted to,
i betray it.
im a piece of rotten shit.
so that called for the suicidal thoughts.

but no worries,
i wont kill myself.
i got brains to think.

im gg to school tml.
to do my homeworks.
and if i dnt come back to blog.
consider me dead.
and you, you , and you.
i dnt care if u are already starting to consider.
coz i cnat be bothered u mr and mrs fuckers.

good bye.

2007-03-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

err..the outing was fine.
i guess.
im tired.

2007-03-14T03:31:00.000-07:00

words are just words;
unless you take them to a greater height ,
words, will then have greater meaning.

if i walk away now,
without you making a single move on me,yet;
would u stop me still and ask me to stay?

if i were to turn and walk away,
without even saying goodbye,
would you find a million reasosn to make me stay?

not now, perhaps later.sooner may be.(:
but i will wait, all the same.(:

may be i will after all(:
may be.

P.P.S THANS FIQUE FOR THE HELP!

2007-03-13T23:48:00.000-07:00

today. i had drama. things were surprisingly fine. we had all our runs at the hall. i think we all did great. oh, to add, i was late for drama despite waking up hours earlier! haha. but thats shafiqah isnt it? shafiqahs nvr punctual. ok, i choose not to be den. haha. aniway aniway.. we change into our costumes. our black long pants and black top. its like so fcuking hot. i was lazy to take out my fbts so i was 3 layers. the basic,my fbt, and my long pants. well, first run was ok. hahaha. then break. then play games. wtf. it was soo funny! wen we play vampire tingee.the guys one!

as in we are all in circles.. then got 7 boys inside. one become the vampire. and those forming the circle have to shout wall and thing like that. hilmi was the vampire and he have to catch the other 6. then ahmad was the last one to get caught.and when hilmi was moving his hand around, to touch ahmad, his hands groped on ahmads balls! OMG! hahaha.i fall on the stage and laugh my as out lars! it was soo fcuking funny that couldnt stop laughing to ctach my breathe even! wth~ haha.

oh, during first run, i hurt my hand. got scratch.which is painful cause kena the gun when shahrul push me. but i endure.it isnt that painful now. haha. ok,aniway, while waiting for mr bala,we went for another run. stop at hunting scene to go back start back for mr bala. did i mention mr bala wants to view our syf to see if we can perform for SPEECH DAY. wth~ so we performed. and we were ok.

then mr bala call shahrul.."MR BANG BANG" HAH.denn... he talk to us all.. he said sumting which we all rmmbr till now "ANYTHING BELOW A SILVER IS FAILURE".hahaha. wth. we keep imitating him on that! den after he left.. comments. den, we decide to do diction training..

den yuen told us mr bala saed my diction is good.i told u mr balas interested. for me to be his daughter in law. hahah.~

dats about it. came home. watch the cds. the messenger, is alrite. movie marathon tonight! and as in later. and tml out with frens. previous a2k and previous dollies, i guess.

OYAH.
GET ONE THING CLEAR.
I DNT CARE IF IM SHORT. I DNT CARE IF I HAVENT GROW. I LVOE MYSELF TO BE THIS WAY AND HAVE NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT MY HEIGHT TO GROW. I DNNID TO GROW AND I DNT WANT TO. IM COMFORTABLE WITH MYU WN HEIGHT. SO STOP MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.IM NOT,SO WHY SHOULD ANY OF YOU? THE EXTERIOR ISNT IMPORTANT. WHATS MORE IMPORTANT IS THE INSIDE. GET THAT STRAIGT.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARDS!
I LOVE YOU.
RMMBR THAT!
<3

ok bye!

2007-03-13T01:13:00.000-07:00

my family and i went to malaysia todae. it was fine. we played bowling. we karaoked.
we shopped. we had fun. and we were the green family todae.

i have nothing much to say about todae. im pretty much exhausted. so no more pictures.
fcuk. drama tml.

and i guess..i do owe sum pple an apology and..yah..

to mards, ema, aishah and fynn:-
im sorry. but happen have happened. there is no use trying to make peace out of it. coz im sure, neither me nor her, is gnna give in. im stubborn and so is she. both parties are hot headed. u guys are making me feel bad for not giving in.. but girls, u must also understand, in this situation.. it does not only takes a sorry. it takes more then dat. it takes more den me apologising. no loves. its not about pride. i can give dat up for you. but, i dont belong to dollies anymore. my heart and soul which was initially in it just isnt dere anymore. likewise, im sure dayah feels the same way. this isnt just about what happened. its more then that. i cannot commit into this anymore. im really reall sorry, that u guys have been affected.. but theres really nothing much i can do. she erases me and aishah out of her life so easily. i love her still.but she, im sure , dont feel the same way.. but its fine with me..there is really not much of a difference.. im not a dolly. but im still ur friend. u guys are still my good friends. i still love you guys. i can still hang out with u guys. we can still go swimming together. we can still do wad we use to do together. the only difference wud be , its not necessary for me to be there at every single eent, its not necessary for me to hang out anymore.. cause im nota dolly anymore. && i wont get dolly privileges anymore cause im not a dolly. like i said, i will miss, but i'll live..i still love u guys, get that straight?

to dayah:-
my side of the story. i ddnt hear to urs. i dnno if u read dis but girl. i wasnt told that u also did say it may not be her.. i was told that way and that is how i took it. yes i concluded it that way. and my fault. yes, i got stubborn for putting you at wrong. when i tink back, we are fighting over 2 stupid reasons. the library books and wad i blogged about. im sorry if my words have offend u in any way. i offend people without realising it myself. and im sorry. no, im not saying sorry cause i have to, or for the sake of doing so, im saying sorry cause i mean it. nope, im not asking u to consider to change ur mind about being part of the dollies, cause i myself am not going back.. however, im apologising, for my side. well, i know u hate me now, but just to let you know, i dont hate you. you are still a friend to me. but before u cut me off totally, dere is 2 things i have to say. one was sorry and the other is thank you. i thank you for being there for me, for the past few years. thank you for being there when i needed sum1 the most. i thank you for compromising to my very demanding attitude. i thank you for teaching me a lot a lot of things. i thank you for all the xperiences we have ever had together. i thank you for all the joy and laughter. and im sorry all the same it all have come to this. this isnt a hypocritical note. i mean this. it came from the bottom of my heart. and its meant for you. no girl, dont roll your eyes and go "hypocritical bitch. " cause i really mean this. i dont often say sorry to people. but when i do, i really mean it. u can choose to do nothing about this and all. u cna choose to read and forget about it like u have done so in forgetting me. but ya. take care. i wish u the best of luck in everything u do. i dont have to remind u to study hard cause i know u already are.take care..

im done. good bye.

tired

2007-03-12T01:54:00.000-07:00

hello people. no pictures on wad happen todae coz im exhausted.=X
went out to marina square. as boring as dat place is, my family and i had fun.
well, i did have loads of fun. i really do.

hmm.i got a top and a pants. i like.
anw, my fam and i we were the brown family todae.
and awin already have cleavage. haha.
wth.

we might go in jb tml. wen we just got back at around midnight just now.
im tired.
so im off to sleep now.

kns you.
how cud u.
i love you.
but yet but yet.
its ok.
it doesnt alwaes go my way.

now, i wonder, whos gonna spend my saturdays with me?

2 new words learnt today.
laurels-praises
exodusleaving a place or some organisation

ok, improve ur vocab.my blog finally have sumth useful and constructive and logical.

i still want you to knwo im falling into you.
big problem.
=X

2007-03-11T04:11:00.000-07:00

yes.i end my day by looking at a stupid bangla walking in front of me holding hands.wtf.ok.pitures have siad it all.im out now!=X

and i cudnt delete the dollies blog.i will lif it as it is.=/
no,im not having second thoughts.=D

2007-03-10T10:19:00.001-08:00

i cannot fcuking upload pictures.
so its fine.i'll try doing so another time.
so only zaima and i went to mards mum wedding.(:
her mum was gorgeous. the radiance of happiness was glowing in her..(:
i can just see it.(:
it was total fun, tho it was a bit of a chore trying to find the place.
but zaima and i persevered.
i think we found the place quite fast ehk for a westerner? haha.
the food was sumptuous.the dessert was finger licking good.(:
after dat, we 3 went to white sands. did sum art thingee. and pple stared cause we were overgrown to be doing such things.but i had fun and so did dey.(:
colours are realy vibrant stuffs to be playing with(:
i went back soon after.

this moment as i typed this out, with much regrets.
im closing down the dollies blog.
but i'll save the template in case u dollies want to continue it on without me.
i'll pass it to aishah. those who have dollies in link, pls do unlink us.
i chose the way out. i dnt have to think much, coz i have contemplated a lot on it.
promises are meant to be broken. meant to be made.but nvr meant to be kept. whoever came up with the saying "a dog stands by its master, man stands by their promises" must really be joking. i dnt have to be part of a clique to be friends. im still ur fren, just like i am to everyone else.

u be part of a clique. u have constant arguments. constant conflicts. u prmoise this and that, but u never fulfill them. u promise to tell evrything, u promise to do bonding sessions but what if all this comes from only a few in the group? people look at cliques and would really love to be part of it. people think/thought that u have the coolest frens and hangs out with the greatest people bacause, ur clique looks happy, promblem free and all. but what they dont know is what happens in a clique. itscertainly easier and afer to have frens,bestfriends,close friends, but nt a clique.

when i say count me out now in total, it doesnt mean i totaly cut those people out of my life. no, i thank them for the memories. be it the painful one or the happy ones. i cant thank them enough. continue working hard for wads to cum. this is not a joke.

i have give every thing a thought. i wont change my mind. there are a lot of things that will definitely be missed. im sure, none f us expected this to happen. neither did i. my plans have change now. initially, on our last day in school, i will present a scrapbook.which is already dne thick and contains all our pictures. and the pictures during our sec 2 dance practice. our countless neoprints.. our countless outings to town, swimming.. its all in it. i have even started on sort of a journal, which i have worked on for a few months. i walked back through memory lane trying to remember whena certain thing happen. when was the time we had our hardest laugh and all. but i cnat up my mind.. was it the time, aishah and dayah exchange pantuns in the cnateen? was it the time we talk about brazillian wax? was it the time we had countless of craps?

but all in all.life doesnt always go our way. what we expect to happen, wont happen. what we expect to be, is what we most slightly wont ever become. i can still be ur child godnothers if u'd like. i can still be sitting at the vip table during ur wedding if u'd like. but i guess.. its ok.(: the good times dont come to an end.

i know i said our last yr was going to be our best one yet. and i dnt take back my words.cause may be it will?

(:

but yeah.
i end my piece on everything dat happens on sat.

BUT...
ON A LIGHTER NOTE..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING!
I LOVE U LIKE CRAZY.(:
STAY HAPPY SHORT AND LOVELY ALWAES OK?
IM HERE((:
<3

2007-03-10T10:13:00.000-08:00

ok im here for a very quick update on ytd.(:
ytd was a fridae. a week after the investiture..
i woke up at 3 times. at 3 am, 4am, 6am..
den i got ready for school.(:

blabla.saw mards alighting from the bus.walk to school with her..
then....go school..took the announcement book..
no announcement.one whole wek no annoncement.good good. haha.(:
den.i sang on the first row.coz i came up late.coz i was talking to a teacher regarding drama. so i sang on the first step and they all were laughing at me.kns.

return announcement book. walk to music terrace. divide into groups.
6 pple playing floorball. the rest play soccer.sum run.
6 pple were me,syafiq, fidelia,serene and kar poh. me syafiq and zaima one team. the other 3 one team.den sub fique go another team.karpoh go into mine.
funny lar kar poh play. ball come to her she shout very shrieking one.
haha.i cant stop laughing look at her play..den serene,karpoh and fidelia rest. left me and fique and zaima.. zaima jaga the goalpost for awhile den she sit. den i ask fique teach me how to flick the ball.

i got it at last. haha. den i jaga goalie. fique score. i just realise my defence not that bad arh.. haha. den i play score fique defend.wow.i score so many times. lol. its not a mistake.its either im a good striker or u are a bad goalie. haha.

den sec 1 oso wanna play. 1e1. so dey 5 pple. den salleh ,me,fique,zaima and lattifah one team. haha. forward eh fique ? haha. den, we thrashed dem 15-3. haha. funny lar.really. i scored once.the rest i help to pass den score. i score once happy like sioa. its been a long time since i played floorball.and the ferst time was the best.

3e4, rmmbr last yr,pe alwaes play floorball. rmmbr girls team?main players? we won champion last yrs interclass.we won for gena rmmbr? gene,sorie,our promise wasnt fulfilled. haiz. now all the main players divided alread. aishah and yasmin in e4.. me and zaima in n3..gena and mazni n2.. wahh..nvm..we will still play our best.(:

sweat like crazy. go class do maths.wtf. den go mt.den change.den recess. eat. den english.receive homework. den ss. den cme.hear ghost stories while copy maths homework. den go canteen. blablabalabla.

focus test. english paper 2. alrite lar. den, after dat, go drama. funny like crazy. azha took over shahrul hahahahah... den joyce and i went council room. den, go down blablabalala. joycee and i decided to go back.blablabala.

go back.blablaa.

ok.here it is.

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINKS THAT THE 'TO YOU'S ARE MEANT FOR ZAIMA, DEN HERE IT IS.GET THIS STRAIGHT. DO NOT ASSUME DAT IT WAS MEANT FOR HER. AND IM DEEPLY PISSED WITH EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. REALLY. OH,SHUD I USE NAMES COZ IN CASE U PLE DNNO IM TALKING ABOUT YOU? YES,DAYAH,FAHMI. IT ISNT MEANT FOR ZAIMA. AND WHOEVER IT IS MEANT FOR, I HAVE MYY RIGHTS TO NOT LET IT OUT. THIS IS MY BLOG. WHAT I POST IS MY PROBLEM. AND IF I DDNT MENTION ANY NAMES, DO NOT ASSUME ITS MENAT FOR A PARTICULAR PERSON. WHATEVER AR U GUYS. DAYAH, SO WHERE DO THE PART WHERE THE UNHAPPINESS OR ANYTHING TO ASK, JUST ASK, AND DNT KIP IT INSIDE? WE ALL MADE THAT PROMISE DDNT WE? SO WAD HAPPENED? I REALLY HAVE HAD ENOUGH LAR OK.

WEDNESDAY?
COUNT
ME
OUT.

YES, IM NOT GOING OUT WITH YOU GUYS.

im off to dhiyahs mum tingee.
i'll be back.
im seriously out.

2007-03-08T23:50:00.000-08:00

i told darling..i have a sad post.and its gnna be lame. i dnt want to be sad at all this week.. the game sux.and to add, u noe i noe..i tried my best to make my previous post a little enjoyable. && i do hope it was alrite. but if it isnt.here i am to make a better post!

lol.

dad got back from work about half an hour ago. and i was in the showers.wen i came out, i saw 2 paper bags of canon tingee. thought it was printer tingees coz he have asked me to check wads our printer model lar. so i asked wads dat, and he saed "paper bag.cannot see arh?" den i sae "ya.like i blind. "

den i go wear my clothes and all den i go out i see he like opening hp box in the living room table. den i go dere. and i was like "ey.u buy camera??" den he gave me that are-you-blind-look. wth. dad got a new camera from the road show.it was the one i chose! its a CANON POWERSHOT A640!!!

its 10 megapixel so my pictures from my upcoming outings will be off good quality! yay! yay! so i guess im gonna go on wednesdays trip to town afterall.i ddnt intend to go. i already saed i MYTE NOT be gg but wth. new camera.holidae mood.lets go sia.

and the tiring ting is, i have to look and read all the guide book and see the things and all coz i ddnt ask the necessary qns bcoz i ddnt follow. =.=

so dad tasked me to take care of dat al and den later teach him to use. lol. teach him and everyone else basic can already. dey cannot advance learning.later dey use more.lol which im sure dey wont(:

kak, so how.wen sisters day out?dolls, town on wed eh?a2k,oso wed is it? sumre who want to go out with me?cum tell me quick.i confirm with u oso.
lol
dream on.

well.im tired.long dae tml but rest assured.its gnna be the start of holidaes!

no honey,
i ddnt see this coming either..
i thought things were for the better..
but it wasnt..
it was just sumting i thought..
the better is if we both stay away..
far from each other...
i have given my all..
i have showered u with upmost love,care and concern..
but in ur eyes.
it has nvr been different..
wad i hope now,
is you to have told me ryte from the very beginning,
that its never meant to be..
no im not crying..
yes i am alright..
no i wont be broken
coz i am really fine..
im doing well in class..
i am getting everything done..
this time honey,
it'll be ur last time to bid gdbye.
dnt look back.
its not good..
for either u..
or me

2007-03-08T22:59:00.000-08:00

alrite...so im backk..it wont be long dat im on.coz blogger shitty.he colour icon >ddnt appear..the font icon ddnt appear and the size icon ddnt appear.so ya. anw, class was ok. was free alot. mr lim and mr pang nvr cum.brotherlups!where u all go!? 5 periods sia n3 free. dennn..in class yixiang,daff,zaima and fahmi took turns massaging my ankle coz i totally had no feeling.i have feeling wen u touch.but i got no sense of pain.like very flexible.u twist it to a certain extent more dne u shud, still dnt feel the usual pain.. so sum sae got air, sum sae inside swollen.i oso dnno lar..den i wore 2 layers of socks. kns. den my shoe expand.den it got bigger den it already waS.im a size 36/37.my school shoe is supposedly size 36.but i got the 37 coz 36 was out of stock. and thus yea. so its alrdy big. dne expand. dne i had to continue wearing 2 layer socks.

blablabla.den after recess fnn.supposedly,we all go library with yanee. den librarian sae without teacher we all cannot go in now. so wadever. we contemplated on where to hide but den cannot.

oh btw, while contemplating, we saw mr chian.so i told him i cnat go physics coz i got netball intrclass.
mrchain:shafiqah,which one more impt?
me:netball!
mrchian:shafiqah.
me:netball coz after dis no mor eintrclass.den study study. and now im alrdy study study study.cannot tahan leh
mrchain:just come and mark ur attendence first later alrite.
me:no problemo.
fahmi:cher u mark the test papers already?
mrchian:mark already.
me:i pass?
mrchian:ya. only 2-3 pple fail.

i was ohsohappy.finally pass physics without copying. lol. so we went back to practical and sat outside kitchen coz n1 having practical and no plae to sit and inside oso hot. den dey talk. i read my book finish. i go see more magazines and go photostat summore recipes! yay! i like. den bought pencil after so long forgetting to buy it. lols. (:den i got crazy. den yanee massage my leg pulak.thanks baby!(: den blablabal. bell rang at 1245.

den den, bell rang at 1245. we went back only at 1. waste time with mdm shariffah(:
did sumths i forget wad.but good good.i noe how to do(: blablabla. school over.=X
put bag in the canteen and go up back for council meeting. bloody hell. got uniform check and hair and everything.but dey so slow. we all waet from 2 until 215 den dey come.beofre they come i was hysterically shouting nonsense."wad is dis?ask councillors be punctual.but they are not punctual themselves. den teach us be punctual.kns.think funny ah?i sack dem then they noe" and lots of nonsense. den santhea and jes all want to puyt bottle inside my mouth. 225 alot pple stand up say we got class. den ms oh say they check ours first.

den she look at me and say "u shud noe lar ah.ur skirt is too short" i was like "its not lar." den walk off. bcoz my skirt, is bloody well knee length and im not gnna lengthen it. my skirt have alwaes been of dat length. stupid lar. school rules oso sae knee lentgh. see the handbook, the girl in it oso skirt knee length but its stated "PROPER SCHOOL ATTIRE" oh u can sack me coz i have got on with the investiture.really pls do.im tired of doing duties. i wan to be normal.

den go buy water.talk crap with darling..XD den i go up for physics.darling send me.(: lol. haha. dne i saw nicholas on the floor push up position at the coridoor. i was like why are u here? den he signalled got mr bala sumwhere.and i was late mah.. so i chop chop walk into the class. lol. dne the guys were all u lucky lar. oh im the only girl who was present just now(: test paper i got 19/25. cud have gotten 22/25 if i hadnt mislooked my kW. and instead of multiplying by 1000 i divide by 1000. stupid me.nvm. den i was in btween fique and azhar.keep telling mr chian intrclass at 3. but it was 4. lol. keep irritating fahmi and fique. haha.

den went down.change.i got nervous.badly. blablablaala. we played.i was nervous.seriously. and the start i got a chance to shoot. twice. and i missed. i bloody hell missed. I MISSED. i was so demotivated. really.badly. kns. den play. den blabla.fidelia scored.and we lost.2-1. i blew their chance. one blamed me though. dey say it was fine.

one thing i was glad however, was the fact, i felt that sense of belonging. although while playing, i rmmbred so many things,like a2k..like shouting aishah out. but i felt that sense of belonging to 4n3.. i really do.. and i think dat is the greatest achievement of all.(: den we waet for our next match. my spirit lifted after fidelia sae we can win in losers pool but sumhow i dnno wad the bloody teacher do dne we all dnnid play already.wth? one match.and u are out? i think even in sleague or wadever nonsense got more preliminary nonsense leh. ey, if u guys no time to conduct more,we got so much time to play?its ona win win situation.u make time we make time we happy u happy see ME happy.ok wad?(:

dne got more pissed wen my leg really cudnt feel pain. blablabala. mards bandaged my leg. walk to jp. eat.home.

to u:-
i mentioned goodbye the other time?well, i really meant it , but i ddnt make it clear.but here, no more.nothing.dis is it. dose who noes my stories, pls know, im done with this shit. i have tried and im gg to let go. i wont deal with what ifs animore. u and ur stupid gf can go fcuk off lar.act like i stupid.wadever sia. u forget.im not even if u wish to think i am. i have nvr liked the idea of falling into u. so this it. goodbye and have fun. enjoy life coz it myte be very well be miserable w/o me.lol(:

to YOU:-
wadever.its you. not anyone else.dnt pretend.i want to puke.goodbye.thank you for ruining my life.

to carisse baby and tinglei darling:-
good news good news!about me! lol! i tell u all tml!!i like i like i like!

to this person:-
haha. care for me?

haha.
lols.
im crapping.really.
im gnna go bathe now coz my ankles done with ointment and all.

and i had tiff with ma just now.coz apparently,i ddnt tell her i had my leg bandaged coz i ddnt see a need to. i told her ytd but she just sae "den.wan me do wad?" so i ddnt bother telling. den awin go tell her den she talk to me den awin answer all. dne she asks if i sprain ankle dne i saed no. den she ask why i put bandage, i saed for fun. den she talk nonsense.say alrdy call principal and all. dne i was like so wad. den she sae she ask only about the bandage why must get so uptight and i was like "i told u ytd.u ddnt care.so why bother now?"

but im fine.im a big girl. i shud handle my leg myself.

im gonna go now.
bye.(:

2007-03-07T23:56:00.000-08:00

hello pple. im back here to blog on my day. (: haha. XD im a litle over the moon, a little exhausted, a little confused and a little worried. lol. haha. basically, im a mixtureof a lot a lot of things. but rest assured, i will shed light to why i am feeling this way. XD

ok.lets start the ball rolling ok. lol. like understand. haha. the day was alrite. singing on the step was alrite. just dat todae wen jes tell us to sing loudly we were all like "sshhh" haha. and goddamnit. there isnt any announcement for 3 daes! wow! im glad. coz its MY WEEK dis week! haha. lol. den, return announcement book with azhar.(: den maths first 2 period. i listen wad cher got to teach. den i see only 815, coz it already felt like hours! lol. and i POM! go sleep. haha. den, i was woken up at 830 by jun yang. fyna call me den we go toilet. den come back from toilety, no lar.i nvr sleep. i study physics. a little. den go mt class!

den mt class we go library! yes cikgu have promised nvr to bring us but well well, im a debator, a cute girl and all dat not for nth ok! haha. XD so we went. blablabla. den was ct. nth much. study a bit more of physics. went down recess. ok. after dat was physics. haha. mr chian talk about the comments the students who have given him and all. and yes i commented on him wen we went to see mr bala. ok.i tell u wad happen.

wen all of us went to see bala and mrs jalil the other day, we were in the conference room. seated acording to classes, and mr bala and mrs jalil centre. so we go around the table den must give our feedback. there are 3 rounds. first was teaching and learning,second cca. third was cdp. anw, for teaching and learning, i seriously dnno wad to sae and since everybody was gg for mr chian, ok almost everybody and i already have no tchers to complain about, i saed mr chian. =X den, todae..haha. he like after every qn later look at me and ask can? haha. azhar and syafiq were like "aiyo shafiqah..he noes.." haha. i just laughed. too bad i studied alrdy dats why i alrdy noe wad he talking about. den the test was alrite. i manage. i have confident to pass! haha. lol.

den after physics was ss 2 periods. walao.ok lar. ddnt sleep. den cme. new teacher. ms shanti. heard she taking us for the week only. i dnno for sure but yea.too bad shes not a guy. lol.=/
hahahaha. after school. return bio file with fynn. den eat. den dorothy ask me help her look after her class serice learning booth while she go sell this hp strap while walking. and so i did but was unavailable to finish my food earlier. den wen zaima and aishah finish we got high selling the things. i bought too with zaima.she buy for me i buy for her. lol. den blablabla.

den i go talk to darling.XD i love! haha. she and i, we walk around the school and settled outside the hall to waet for rc girls participating in talentin\me to help tie scorpion. lol. darling told me everything. and i nearly cried until shit elango call her. den scold her for belt lar. hair lar. kns lar. i feed u . aiyah nvm. den tie hair. den darling and i go change. me to drma and she to p.e.(: den..

i realise it was alrdy 4 wen i went up for drama alone. ms wong walk behind me, den ms wong told me yuen reach alrdy and i commented she was early. and ms wong looks surprised and was like "shafiqah.its already 4." and i was really dumb dat i go really meh? haha. lol. the thing is, my watch is sumwhere in the house and im trying my hardest to rmmbr to ask mama where she have put it last coz she likes to touch my things move it around and around u noe. haha. den drama must go see sum lightning things.. den go for run.

it was nice but it was still cert of participation. bloody hell. de crew tingee. den 2nd run. den go home. lol. i like. i went our first with carisse baby and aishah. waeted for the rest outside. den walk to jp. fynn ask me to eat. so we went to ljs. den she go buy aand diniy came talking to me since he was in the same vicinity. den i ate. den talk with fyna den we go back dne saw mr rahmat, mr zai and ms jannah. lol. den go back. i went back. blablabala.

to whoever(s) it may concern:-
i dnt feel that bond animore. i dnno wads happening but i cannot bring myself to tell u guys more. wadeer happen, i hope it dnt last.

to tinglei darling:-
babes.see,i told u everythings gonna be fine! though i did go negative minded for awhile. lol. i noe dere is too many things gg on... but u have got to be strong and face it all. prove to them of wad u are capable of.. coz i believe in you. by doing wad u did, u are giving them the easiest weapon to hurt u . really bad. trust me darling, i believe in you and i will stand by you. even if others still want to talk about how u and i were before i wont care ok.s shud u.shit dem. u must take care of ur health. pretty girls like u and me darling dnt do things like dat.(: and plus carisse baby also. nvr do things like dat! ^^ so be strong ok? and pls noe i love u like crazy.(: <33

to carisse baby:-
no silly.i dnt hate you. i ahve never hate you. and i seriously dnt rmmbr u use to be understudy for my role and i wanst that good wen i first took up the role. so u shud have work on urself and u myte have taken over me sumhow u noe..((: baby, u have been there for me for the past week and im really thankful for it.really am.(: so take care ok loves(: i lov u bad. haha. <3>

to YOU:-
yes so im still pissed. but u cant expect me not to ryte? im human not alien. i got feelings. im sorry babe. i have never intended to take wads urs. but wait a muinte, it isnt even urs to begin with. neither a nor b was urs. and i can own wadever u have wanted previously. its not because u wanted it dats why i wanted it too, its because im not like you.i dnt make big issues wen i crazy over stuffs. rmmbr,u were alwaes the boastful one. DONT forget that.

tml , dere is netball intrclass.im not ready. my ankle is crappy.its veyr restless like lenguh. u get wad i min? and i feel that im like so bloody heavy. really. kns..

well,im gg now.
to bed. after ironing my clothes.
and my legs really cranky.

owells.ANIWAE!
sumbody ****ed AT me todae. haha. not kiss u dumbass. got the AT rmmbr? cannot be kiss. follish.
ok.im out
seriously.

im back(:

2007-03-06T18:51:00.000-08:00

mae b i ddnt elaborate wad i did on sun.and perhaps i ddnt even bothr coming online ytd to shed light on anything.(: so here i am.back to where i shud be.((:

aniwae on sun,i met up with ema babe for lunch.a lunch which was supposedly suppose to last for less then an hr ended pratically took hours. a lunch date which was suppose to end the moment we left the place we ate from,which was kfc ddnt work out. haha.we walk around a little after eating. ended up in mcafe after awhile.(: and went back soon after. the whole thing out lasted for more then 3 hrs! goddamnit. which took my fnn time from me. haha. i reach home and blablabala. slacked a lot more and only starting on my rnd at 9. ended at 1. cud have finish earlier but i was really, multi talented, i have lots of pple chatting with me, and i have lots of sites which i surf while doing my coursework.GAWD SHAFIQAH! prioritise!(: den ended up i slept at 2. 4 hrs of sleep. was so bloody tired. dat wen i go to school the next dae, i was practicaly lame.

it turns out all sec 4 councillors plans not to wear council uni on mon. but they send a msg to joyce whom they dnno have lost her hp. coz u see, they pass to oyce and joyce alwaes pass to me,azhar and snathea. so it turns out,only us 4,oh plus billy were wearing council uni! lol. but i like it tho. i prefer wearing council uni actually.(: blablabla. i was really being a real kpo due to my tiredness. i was like, budging into pples converstaion or wadever and alwaes have comments at every little thing. wen zaima told me about ahem* i ddnt give advise but chose to hug her roughly instead. which happens a gazilllion times.haha.

blablablabla.assembly was fine. pc zaima and i talk to the class and they wanna do food drive with ffth dne fine with me. admin work will be easier for me. (: den, fnn. also ok lar. blablabla. went to photostate sumths which i will find relevant to my coursework. i go and photocopy all the recipes which i see like nice. haha.wanted summore den no time. =X

went to get a drink and all.fique and i went to see bala with the other representatives. it was alrite.funny.but fine. wan to noe wad happen ask me. coz if i elaborate,pple sae i have too lengthy post. so,wadeevr.

after dat left with 30 mins. went up for fnn. blabla..nice frens i've got.=X

went down to find darling.coz i look for her since morning nvr see. den, i went down saw her with carisse baby.(: hha. darling cried on my shoulders. blablabla. chat nonsense. with carisse. again, wad happen last yr was brought up coz carisse ddnt understand wad actually happen btween me and darling baby(: darling say 530 go back. but end up 630 den we leave school. carisse baby, you DID not pangsai us.(:

blablabla.study bio. till fall aslip at 11 plus. tired. cum school todae. darling ddnt cum. was worried. text her.=D he ok! XD but it turns out i wasnt. nvm. bio was ok ferst period. go thru wksht. 2nd period, test. can manage. alrite lar.but dnt wan confident.no confident also. but its ok lar. aiming for at least 7 over 30 though. haha. shut up. m still tired u noe. den, mt.zaima and i keep gg nonsense to "ya arif".. aha. den cikgu gg thru things den we kip making stupid jokes. den mr zubir alrdy at diff page which cause us to laugh all over again. den was hist.nth much.

den,recess got struck by stupid news. kns u. not u.YOU. den, gave attitude. confided in joyce santhea and azhar. my council kaki.(: den.i like u can? haha. anw, took long route to class. blalablabaala. maths was nice! translation good! i like also!(: den school finish. den, blablaa. play netbll for a mere half an hr or so. my shooting is not accurate anymore. bloody hell.

went back. and yeps here i am. still tired.its raining. so i shall go nap now. (:

to YOU:-

ass. u saed u ddnt do it. u noe how much i prioritise that person. but u went around stabbing me in the back. how do u like it if i were to do the same? how wud u like it if i stabbed u in the back too? i ddnt. i comforted u thru, i stood by you and u just like taking wad meant the most to me like dat. u make me angry lar. really. 2nd time now. 2nd time. really,i dnt care who u are, who ur bf is, how pretty u are, how u can bring me down, i dnt care. coz u are no threat. yes so wad if u outcast me on the exterior wise? i just cannot care less. so stop pretending alrdy. i noe. i noe. u can keep him for ur desperate times. im not desperate.really. so fcuk off alrdy.

to u.:-

i tried. time and again, u disappoint me, wad more can i say?i wont cry. i wont. so dis is it. wadever i say gdbye todae.

i was thinking todae, is it a huge problem if a pretty girl (or wad she claims) gets dump? is it a big no-no? so just because if sum1 is prettier, dey cant get dump lar? coz they basically do the dumping lar? *shakes head.*

YOUR HONOR, I HAVE NO MORE QNS.

2007-03-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

no.im not happy.pardon me but im not happy. fnn research and development is due tml and im only starting.and not because i only started is why im pissed now. cause the notes is not helping at all. so confusing.oh i forgot. zarina amde this notes. wad can i sae. im seriously disgusted.

im pissed. fnn.yikes!help me! pls do.

ARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

honey baby darling love sweetie strawberry caramelicious sayang, tell im gnna pull thru? lol.

shut up.
im suppose to sound stress.

okok,on a lighter note, i met with ema babe just now.
and now im hungry.
shut up.
moving on form one recipes to the other is all fnns fault.not mine. bloody hell.
so mr bala, wen do u wan me to marry ur son?
or rather, u wan me to find ur son a daughter in law?

tell me.i'll help.helping ur son find a son in law will be much more interesting den doing fnn.

2007-03-03T23:37:00.000-08:00

i decide that if i were to wait for azhar, i wont get to update at all. so i update. im sure pple have been waiting.so here i am.(:
mr umar and us.on his last dae with a new shirt. =P

mr fong me and mr zai. mr zai thinks all the photos,he dnt look gd enough lar he. which caused ms oh to be pissed at me.
dis was after last yrs investiture. the dae i took my vow to put the schools interest above my own. wahhahaha.and i rmmbr while taking it,aishah fyna,lina and aishah backstage was saying crude remarks about me.they were saying how high my socks is. how serious my face is. and how goody goody we all look.kns.

a year has flown by. we have bid goodbye to the 7th student council investiture it felt like only ytd we all got thru our interviews and preparing for the 6th student council investiture. it sims like only ytd dat i was waiting nervously in my seat beside afiq before gg up on stage to take my certificate as an appointed councillor last yr. it sims like only ytd i was talking to afiq telling him about the types of shits u can produce and how one day, sum1 might just scooped it up and den turn it into chocolate smmothie. it sims like only ytd i too my vow. and while standing on stage, i was pinching whoever was standing beside me.

it sims like only ytd, i typed out words like 'im offically a councillor today'..it sims like only ytd i first stand on the steps to sing the national anthem. it sims like only ytd gordon told me that im to report for backstage duty.it sims like only ytd i cocked up doing my first and the last morning assembly command. it sims like only ytd i got countles bullyings from isa and gordon. it sims like only ytd, coucnillors were told we were like shits. it sims like only ytd, i reported for countless duties.it sims like only ytd my journey as a councillor began.

but no. it isnt ytd. it all happen nearly a year ago. it isnt ytd dat i was an understudy. it isnt ytd that i did all of the duties. it isnt ytd dat i help the newly appointed understaudies at backstage. it isnt ytd i had all those fun.but, it is ytd dat i took my certificate of appreciation for my contributions. it was ytd that my journey as a councillor ended.not officially,but ya.

one yr back, if u ask me, "can u wait to step down?" and i am sure my reply to ur qn wud be "ooooh! i definitely cant wait to step down and put an end to all this nonsense. because being a councillor mins having to face the fact i might have to the command wen dere is nobody. endless duties. will min we will recah the earliest during events and leave the latest after events. will min we have to alwaes clear the chairs in the hall after events. will min that we have to carry all the plants to keep after events." but if u ask me now,"how do u feel after steeping down?"

i dare reply "i will miss a lot of things in the council. i will miss havin to buy plasters for my soles due to the painful heels.i will miss standing on the steps. i will miss running away from making announcements. i will miss loads of things which i i thought i wudnt last yr"

as much as i hate to admit it, although my ourney lasted only a yr, i have to say, the council have given me loads of memories to keep. at first, i thought, its just the advantages that i will miss,but no.i will the council pna whole. i really will..

so the investiture.i was pretty nervous before the investiture itself. well very actually.really.really really nervous.like bloody hell nervous.i seriously thought i will cock up. kak told me "blablabla.blablabla take away sumthng which is so much more impt to you?emceeing has alwaes been ur passion.uve given up alot of things including ur studies 4 diz.ur in dat class bcoz u felt ryte doing sumting u luv lyk emceeing.2dae is ur big dae.dnt let anibodu stop you adek.especially not blablablabla" i ddnt feel motivated. it just reminded me on wad i cud have beens if i hadnt do everything last yr. ok,wadever.

ok ms o was pissed coz i went late while she actualy wanted the attendence. so i apologised. and she saes "its ok.its over aniwae. but if u really wan to compensate me, u bttr noe ur lines and u bttr do well" and i saed i will. i smiled wen in actual fact i was screaming inside. i felt so bloody pressuried. kak told me too "the councillors is depnding on me todae coz its our dae. and u shudnt give up on dem.think on how much effort u and the rets have put in to make todae a success and u are giving up on dem?" at backstage i text a fren. and he saes "dun cry during your invest.although i cant be there with you physically , im there emotionally yea?" and i felt my spirits lifted knowing that there are so many of my loved ones whos dere emotionally for me. my parents wernet dere. i told dm during last week trip to pizza.dad ddnt say anything. mum says gd luck.but dats all during dat dae. neither called to sae gd luck like dey alwaes do before every performance.but its ok, i tink dey forgot coz i ddnt make a huge deal about it. i know emas,aishah,dayah and all were there in my heart. "zaima gave me a hug before i went and she told me i'd do great. (:

but since my spirits werent lifted to even half, and with no confidence wadsoever, i confided in the same fren tellig him i had no confidence. and he saes " you must. focus and have faith kay. i believe in you" and given my very stubborn nature i still tink i couldnt do it and he saes you can you can" pressurised yes,but i tried to reamin opimistic knowing i still have to do the emceeing like it or not. so i went down to the councillors wos alrdy seated for the final bit of hope. i saed "ey listen. later,wen u all sing and dance,good luck ok?must do ur best.i know u can" and den dey like mile smile and tells me in good luck in return telling me dey noe i can too. den i went to suhaida.

suhaida:u are actually suppose to ask dem to shut up.

me:oh really arh? *turns to councillors* ey.gd luck again ok?and now shut up.haha.

suaida.haha.

me:ey.good luck later *shakes hand*

suahida: u too ok?

me: dnt miss me wen im no longer backstage. and wen u finally get ur new understudy dnt bully too much. coz i ddnt bully u dat much.and i wasnt dat bad.haha.

suhaida:haha.yea ryte.

den i walk and walk.den i see the councillors and kip telling dem not to miss me and den i sae " i dnno wad im talking about so just laugh.coz im very nervous" and dey laugh at me.

at 230. i went to say my first few lines on handphones tingee. and everyone in the audience clap for god nnoes why.and my cousin whos part of the alumni was sitting second row was laughing at me. and i had to stay on stage until the guest of honor arrive. so while i stand waiting. i saw mr bala outisde the general office pacing back and forth. he and mdm lock. haha. den , mdm yap call me backstage and tell me to say this " we are currently waiting for the arrival of the guest of honor whos arriving any moment now" went onstage and ddnt say it until mdm yap prompted me again. so i saed. and the audience clap again. diniy was alrdy giving me the wad-the-hell look. and i just shrugged. den diniy sumhow used vulgar on me and so i showed him the middle finger discreetly lar.and he laughed out loud. haha. i was on stage for goodness sake. i thank the guets to arrive so darn late coz i cooled down. the councillors look at me and laugh sum even ask if i was ok. blablabla. finally the guest of honor arrive. and so we begin. i waited till he was at his seat then i saed "the school song" and the music. den i held the microfon quite far and sang. hahaa. i felt mr balas eyes on me which i think he expects me to be louder. hahaha. i did nth though. haha.

so the ceremony begins. mr balas speech and i went backstage. behind the curtains,i cud see the councillors.only the councillors. and so i did stupid stuffs to amuse myself and the councillors. i pointed the middle finger.i made funny faces. i waved and waved. and acted out wad mr bala was syaing. 'are leaders born or made' haha. and dey kip smiling and giving me the watch-out look. haha. and who cares.i was still doing wen mr bala saed thank you. and i run out. haha. den invite mr david tan to give out the letters of appointment. and after i made a mistake i was suppose to say "siti rosniah bte md isa,3e2, welfare hd" but isaed welfare deputy and i ddnt correct my mistake and so including the real welfare dupties, there were 3 intotal. haha. den finish sec 3.suhaida took over and i ran.ran out of backstage. and ran thru the back of the stage and enter thru theside door into the hall and sat at my seat.and was frantically panting. and i was in btween billy and azhar. and dose were the ppl i was making faces at and dey kept saying. "dnno arh who just now in stage point middle finger arh" haha. without getting my rest fully it was time for me to go and take my cert.

i tink i did fine except that i forgot to put my cert at the side after receiving it and only realise after a few seconds.mr tans handshake VERY firm. my handshake was professionally good. haha.he said "well done. congratulations" i thought i just wona beauty pageant. haha. den wen i took my last bow, i saw mrs jalil smiling or more like beaming at me. haha. went backstage. after dey all finish. i took over suahida again. blabla. rashid speech. rashid speech very good.very long and slow. i was at centrestage with curtains close obviously wanting to tell that they'd do fine wen rashi saes tahnk you. i was like shit. i ran and ran with my heels and went on stage to present the dance. haha. i knwo i was i sounded like as though i was catching my breath while talking but who cares. i think the dance was great. esp with me watching it from backstage and keep being an extra claaping and shouting nonsense which was not loud enough to be heard by everyone else but enough for the dancers to hear. den its time to present the song.

i talked slowly to make time. and i tink it was just nice.(: and after presenting i was on my kneescrawling to pull the wires for peiqin. haha. den i did the slide. i clicked on where i shud. and sang to the song. i sang. and rosniah who was on the verge of tears came standing in front of me. i thought she was gnna sing too so i sang louder. and took her hand in mine. but she ddnt. she hugged me. and she saes "shafiqah. i 'll really miss you" which moved me to tears also. i will miss her. i really will. she was alwaes dere in the coucnil. and even if we dnt see each other for sum time .but wen we do, we will still have tht bond to me. we can click in an instance and dnt have to warm up and all. i cried.and she cried harder.joycelyn hugged us and started crying too. and den we took sum photos. den, mdm yap say later can take.den she ask me wipe my eeys properly and prepare to go out.before i did, i hugged rosniah and tell her to be strong and sighed and went out. and as i say my last few lines, i was containing my tears. i saw jesline alrdy in tears. end the show. and went backstage.

went down and colin asked help to pass out evaluation forms and ms oh saes "the councillors will pass around" and i wa like "oops.sorie,im no longer a coucnillor" haha. but we helped eventually. by choice. blabalab.and we all had to clear the chairs. aisyah hugged me. and she burst out crying too. gosh i ddnt noe i'll be missed. haha. den had debrief.

den came the news "the sec 4's im sorry,but u'll only be stepping down officially in june" haha. i dnno but i was glad . and i called suhaida, and say "looks like i'll still be reporting for backstage duty.huahau" den photo taking.mr aziz step pow. haha. den was talking to mr aziz coz he wanted to confiscate azhar camera den he commented "i see theres a change in ur brow" debated. den stop wen the councillors start shouting. haha. turns out they just fund out about the buffet. took my things in the canteen and went back to the hall. den go council room. den outside ava room to eat where we pathetically sat at the steps and blabla. took photos. changed and went to drama. acted.practised on crews. and was tring.went home.

realise i couldnt cry animore. i took back the chocs which mum have put at the tidbits bowl in the dining area. brought back to the room. blablabla. fall aslip. woke up.nobody home. on com. watch tv. receive phonecall. stop playing com. talk nonsense. until nearlyy 12. blabla.fall aslip soon after.

anw the juniors gave us a heart shape tingee and a card. the following pictures will explains it all.

this was minutes before i went onstage.this was when she was still sobbing.see her teary eye?i will miss walking down to early recess.i will miss all the times when we had our uniform checks.

i will miss all the times that jesline have to scream at us because we werent discipline enough.

i will miss the times i pull on nicholas and zens uniform everytime they stand in front of me as we sang on the steps.

i will miss calling rosniah and her walking with me to cybercafe to rport for duty.

i will miss meng xi's nonsense at cybercafe duty with me.

i will miss returning the announcement book and crap with mdm aishah.

i will having to run awae from suhaida if deres announcements to be made.

i will miss colin holding the door for me everytime we go backstage after national anthem and imagine he was a bell boy.

i will miss looking at ll the pretty faces of the girls in the council like rosniah, peiqin, zahidah and all.

i will miss looking at the hunks like choo wei, benjamin,joash....

i will miss the comments made during assembly.

i will miss having to eat disgusting food during dinner/lunch everytime we have duties.

i will miss slacking at the coucnil room after duty.

i will miss sitting in the council room.

i will miss making stupid remarks discreetly everytime we were scolded.

for eg,the time where our senior saed we were like shit and i whispered to yupin and yi jun "eew.u shit sia.im not"

i will miss the extra priveleges councillors get.

i will miss the advantages.

but mainly and most importantly, i will miss the council that i have shared one yr of my life in.

i remember that i on one of the events and i was down for duty. and den,i found out fyna ddnt go home and broke down..and ll the councillors was being sweet.coz it was really the first time dey saw me listless. haa.

to end,heres sum msges to sum pple.be it from the council or not.

to darling:-

i noe i saed everything will be fine.it was just dat i refuse to believe it. but it was fine. thank you for being dere.see, wne i sae it'll be fine mins it will. so will urs ok? i love u and dnt u ever forget that. <3

to aishah:-

babe,my investiture went alrite.im not crying animore.i love you. but its seriously not his fault. and he dsnt corrupt our ifes lar lves.(: trust me(: i love u ok?how was ur check up?

to dolls:-

im not crying anymore. im back.i'll be lame again.i'll be nonsensical again. i'll start eating again. i'll start laughing again. just dnt get tired entertaining it. (: i love u gerls.

to mards:-

im sorie i cudnt relate to u wad happen earlier.but i will. i just noe dat i will cry wen i talk about it. it just happn u werent around wen i related it. im sorry but i promise u i will tell you.i love u ok? and did u accpet the proposal? hahaha.take care loves.fnn isnt that hard. haha. i hope. im just saying it to comfort myself also. u can do it!get ur head in FNN! haha.

to everyone else,juniors, and frens who have been curious wad have exactly happen,be it those who noes or dsnt:-

i tahnk you for caring.i was seriously touched knowing that so many cared. even those who nvr really speak to me before made an effort to ask if im ok. im touch.i love u all all the same.(: so be honored. and im back for more nonsense. lols.i loveu guys!and i know u guys love me more.haha.

to you:-

singapores education is much bttr. why fly until so far?crazy sia.haha. breakfats eh? liced fish and wadever nonsense. haha. pathetic person. i symphatise u. haha. i really do. and no,it wasnt undivided attention lar giler, i wasnt on the com wen i was talking, but i was on it to switch it off only. haha. jgn mcm fhm eh?anw,if i need help in physics, it wont be from u, coz u'd den stare at my pretty face and wont teach. hahah.take care though.

SO, U GUYS SAW THE PHOTO WITH MR ZAI IN IT? I THINK ITS REALLY NICE.I REALLY DO. BUT MR ZAI CLAIMS IT ISNT. WHO THINK IT IS VERY GOOD LOOKING?ESP WITH ME IN IT AND ALL?PLEASE TAG AND CONVINCE HIM IT ISNT UGLY.THANK YOU.

hello loves.

2007-03-03T01:43:00.001-08:00

ok so hello lovely darlings. shafiqahs back to the way she was before all the misery appeared. i tink i misunderstood so much things. but i got it all cleared directly or indirectly, it really ddnt matter. wad i noe, everything else have been to rest and u wont see shafiqah crying , shafiqah with swollen eyes. or u wont see shafiqah pretending to be happy. coz im contented enough at where i am now. im currently waiting for the pictures to be officially transferred to my com. so yah. i have been waiting since like 332. and the pics still sending coz its a hudge file. but i suppose it'll be sent soon(:

thats are pics from the council and all. and so i guess, i'll make just a post specially for the council. thus, im here updating on the events that happen during the school hours. and the ones after will be in its one entry.(:

so, i woke up late ytd, on my council investiture day.on the day i was bound to go up on stage to emcee. on the day i was suppose to do my duty, to stand on the steps my last time as a council. but i woke up late. i woke up at 710. and kamchionged. my hands were seriously trembling while wearing my lenses.it seriously was. while wearing, i shouted kak to wake up and put my coucnil uni in the clothes cover thing which my blazer was already in. and blabla. i rushed like shit. and was waiting for a cab by 725. gosh i ddnt noe i could work that fast if i had to. u noe why i was fast? bcoz i ddnt tie my hair. bcoz my hair wasnt dried properly.bcoz i ddnt have time to chatter my teeth when cold water touched my skin.i ddnt have time to seriously spray my perfume. instead i just throw the bottle inside my bag without its cover. and i remember stepping on kaks leg. yes,im still sleeping in her room despite her being back. haha.im so used to be in the room lar that the idea of returning to my own room send me the shivers. hah. so she was sleeping on the mattress on the floor that in my kamchionged i stepped on her foot. haha.

then i was still waiting for a bloody cab wen the clock ticked 745. with my hair flying in the cool breeze, i felt like as though im tyring to act pretty u noe, summore standing at the road side. and i tell u each car that passed by looked out at me and im sure they are wondering why the heck im not in school. and yet, they ddnt wan to stop and send me to school.not that, i would have accpeted their offer, but desperate me calls for desperate measures. haha. den i saw this woman lar, she strolling dne she call for cab dne in less den 5 mins she got a cab. bloody hell. i decided to call also. which im really regretting the fact dat i did. after i called, i waited and i saw lots of cab waiting to be hailed after dat. big kns ryte? i ddnt bother.i was feeling so reckless. feeling so miserable.and the thought of being punished was already running thru my mind.
wad a good wae to start a supposedly beautiful dae.

i was told. call cab is = $4. wadever. im glad i had $22 with me ytd. coz we the cab came, i sighed and sat . after awhile den tie my hair. it was already 8am. wth. 10 bucks.my cab fare from home to school coz me 10 freaking dollars. the extra charges intotal was 6 bucks. bloody ghastly cabbies. i leangthen my socks before i reach school. i wanted to change my name tag to a diff one coz the one that i had on my pinafore was a council badge. i sighed and before i went down i hid my fon. haha.at sumwhere disgusting. in case there was spotcheck. not at bra. haha. went in.

the security guard saes see if cik wan was dere in the parade square or not,if he is, go to him. i tink the security guard also don wan me to be punished.i went in. i could have just walked in nvr see cik wan den just go to class or stay in the toilet until 3rd period and go for maths. really i could. but i ddnt.i ddnt see cik wan and glance at the security guard and tell siganlled cik wan dnt have. so he signalled me to go sit outside office and so i did. i went to sit. and saw that everybody else was reading their textbooks and so i did too. after a few minutes, i saw mr gopal. he saw me and give me that look. and i was like oh shit. den mr gopal scold sum girl and blablablabla. den, he ask "why are u all here?you *points at me* why are u here?"
and i meekly replied i was late. and he shouted,shouted at me "happy arh late. councillor summore?"i just look at my ss textbook cursing him. really. den after awhile mr bala was coming down the piral staircase. and ask kuo feng first why he was dere and i was like oh shit! i was alrdy covering my name tag. den mr gopal tand beside me and aks me get up. dne he brought me to a corner and say "wad time did u walk into school todae?"
and i lied "745" wen actually it was 810. den he saes " i call u here bcoz i dnt wan mr bala to scold u. u are a councillor summore, mr bala, will strip u off one. u are a good girl. good councillor. i dnt expect this from you ok?" i saed i was sorry an i tink he dnno i wont be a councillor any longer. den after that mr gopal walked off and mr bala went into his office and i went to sit back. den mrs jalil come out. wth.. she ddnt see me. she talk to one of the boys and as she was about to go back into the office she saw me, stop turn and come to me and ask why i was dere and she gave me a really sad-but-true face. i know mrs jalil have alwaes thought highly of me. ha. since last yr wen i hosted for the school. she know my capabilities as an emcee. and wen i did badly during last yr speech dae full dress rehearsal she asked me wads wrong and ask me to give the best on the actual day and blabla. and den mr gopal come out and i tink she was about to ask mr gopal to send me back to class but she ddnt coz she saw mr gopal was just about to do the same. den i receive this slip and walk back. den cik wan and mr alam saw me and laugh.kns.

mr alam look at the slip and sae absent from class? den i sae "mr alam its absent from class as i was detained for disciplinary actions" den he was like "oh..why were u punished den?" and i was like "bcoz i was late u see.." den he sae "tak sangke councillor skg sume jahat" translation : ddnt expect councillors this daes to be evil. den i was like wad only. and was on my up wen mr alam saes "shasha.shakila." dne i turn and sae "its shafiqah".went back down,and he aks me to get the total number of people in sec 3 and sec4 who wants to attend jam and hop! and i was like "aiyah.sure alot. " den he saes must exact numbers. and so i have to work on dat. so i went back up and go for p.e so fique, azhar ,zaima and sharmeen and 3 other classmates in the hall. blablabal. i ddnt sweat even a little during p.e blabla. went fr maths. i ddnt even do a single shit. go for malay. change. blablabla. and was seriously ebign stupid. i began teasing zaima. and sae "ey. who arh.dat dae go town with me and all bring curve ruler,flexible curve ar?" haha. oh zaima did! haha. coz u see, wen we go town last sat, she brought the bag she brought to school on fri, so she ddnt pack the front of the back so it has the maths stuff. haha. and blablabla. went down for early recess.took picts with azhar. waeted for zaima outside n3.went down. ate. realise ddnt see mard. aishah absent. den i eat. then the noodle the crazy which got chilli spalash and then go inside my eyes. kns. pain lar.spoil my appetite.

den go class for english.and realise my o lvl vocab book is missing. sumbody fcuking stole it. bloody ashole.den ss. was fine. den cme. moved to library. den mr bala call the whole calass down .we were noisy or sumth. put my hp inside zaima purse, den pass to mr umar. den go down.must walk around the parade square 5 rounds. den walk den made stupid jokes. zaima ask "how does it feel to be punish for the second time?" den i was like estatic,elated.contented.blissfully happy.to add its my last dae in the counci;... den, went to class. den blabla.tried reading my script but i couldnt. a thouught came into mind " wad if i cocked up? wad if i miss my lines and say the wrong things?" and i cry. only for awhile. went to see mr zai after school and proceeded to change. by that time i was really scared. i went to the toilet. before i change i locked myself in the cubicle and cry and cry and cry. and call kak. i just wanted or rather needed huge motivations. i was afraid that wadever that i have let affect me the pass few daes affect me while im on stge. told dayah and zaima to go and study while i change. bloody hell. i chaged. and look myself in the mirror and i tink i look best in my uniform ytd. haha. cry like shit. went out. suppose to acc zaima and dayah buy food. but i went to see darling ad cry on her shoulders instead. after awhile. i went to get my own drink. and den go take photo with mr zai. for so long until 135+ den alvin from outside hall shout my name until so loud. den i took my blazer and ran up.

den the rest to be continued ok?
and i still got load of phtos from azhar. until i receive all the photos shall i update the post on the investiture.
so gd bye(:

2007-03-02T00:54:00.000-08:00

ok.from after fnn.haha.we left the library at 1250.5 mins after the bell rang.walk slowly up to kitchen. den inkitchen we talk to mdm shariffah.even after n1 dismissed we stayed on.i laughed.and i lifted my own spirit. at 110 we reach maths. hah. so wadever mr yip have thoguht, we missed,the class was doing classwork.and i dnno wth they are doing.but i had no mood to do either.so i told zaima the rest of the story. all the things i kept befre,i let it all out. wad i ddnt say before, i said it. den i showed her my fon. and den i broke down in class.wtf. during maths. so its true, shafiqah is still so bloody emotional. wtf. and zaima gave me a whole lecture while i was sobbing away. "take it like a man like u alwaes do. u have alwaes been so strong so wads the matter with you?u are here crying ur eyes out wen is dere taking it like as though nth happens. u alwaes tell me to be strong and to face everything like a man. u alwaes tell me to be positive. always pushing me on. alwaes the strong one. so apply it all to urself.come on shafiqah. u really look like shit." there was so much truth in her words. i am alwaes the stronger one.i nvr had teachers telling me i was emotional. i am alwaes the one who hides her emotions. i was the one who nvr cry in front of people. i was the one who nvr sheds tear for guys. i was the one who goes around puhing people out of my life. i was the bitch. i was nvr the victim. but the past 5 months, looks like things made a turn. im the victim. im the one who alwaes cry.

i left class,after school determined to skip physics. i went on and saw mr rahmat. saw mr zai. went cateen.buy drinks.den go relief teacher staff room.i was alittle alright. look for mr rahmat. blbalbla.went back canteen to eat. blabla.i had my laugh. for the first time. i was laughing. talk crap. blabla. den talk to tinglei darling! i love her! darling!dn cry animore ok? im here.for u alwaes alwaes one!i love u!.415,zaima and i went back. haha. i went to mai hse coz mama and kak was dere. so i went.

i saw atok todae. and i was reminded of wad kak told me the other day. i thought my grandfather nvr cared. i thought i have alwaes been a great disappoinment to him.but kak told me atok loves me a lot. mae b he dsnt shw it,but he loves me. it was just me pushing myself away from him. it was just me moving farther as he tries to get closer. and i felt bad.my grandfather, has alwaes been reaching out, i ddnt realise dt. i just saw the things he did for kak, and the other cousins, but nvr wad he did for me. i nvr appreciated it. but i realise my mistake ok?

haikel was adorable as alwaes.mami asked
mami:fiqah. at nyte nvr sleep eh?
me:why?
mami:eyes swollen.
me:nolar..

den at 5 plus i fell asleep.woke up at 6.went back. blabla.recahed home.i took this box of chocs and go on my bed. and began thinking.so this is it,its the time where i raise my hand say goodbye and not turn back anymore. as i think about it,the harder i cried. the more i cried, the more miserable i felt. i cudnt take the blow. the time was about 6 plus. and i was crying and crying and crying. and even wen i stop for a couple of minutes. i cried again. i cudnt tell kak wad was happening. i cannot find the werds to sae. i stopped eventually. decided to follow mama, kak and awin to gek poh mcd. went dere and the smile of nabila,her guardian is my mums friend. she make me smile.she lifted my spirits.really.. blablablala.

reached home.and here i am.student council investiture is tml. or later rather. im not ready to do emceeing.really im not. im not ready. and i was thinking, eveyrtime im gg to go and emcee,umth shitty will happy.like last yr emd,i broke my heels just after the 2nd last run. and went around the whole bugi looking for it. speech dae,about blabla.

nvm.wadever happens is wadever happens.

thanks for caring. the last 4 pics was taken at 10.

gtg.

bye.

2007-03-01T12:28:00.000-08:00

again. its a thursdae.
a dae in school again.
im at fnn again.
being so bloody cold.
but at least todae, i had my sweater on.
i really wasnt feeling alrite.
i woke up at515.
and i read a text msg i received at 309 am.
i read,reread. reread. i sighed and went back to sleep.
woke up 7 mins later den my usual late time.
i ddnt really rush.
lenses have been gd. it have been no problem to get it on th last few days.
i bathed.saw myself in the mirror and i tink i look really tired.
withdrawn and so badly down. and i really,seriously hated myself for feeling feckless.

blablablabla.went to school.i strained my leg to keep walking faster den wad i can manage.
i thought by walking faster, my worries and problems cant catch up with me.
i thought as i walked, my worries lost its way and wont come back to me.
but i was wrong.it came.it stuck to me like glue.the faster i moved, the more im reminded of it.

i replied the text msg i received at 309 am.
and i keep feeling even more feckless by the passing minute.
i was still walking to the hall wen the first bell rang.
i tried pretending again.but it ddnt work.
the more i smile.
the more i talk to people,
the more i feel that my problems are ringing a loud bell at the back of my head.
reminding me,i will pay for more sadness if i keep smiling.
i was really on the pedestal of breaking down and being strong.
i thought i can be both.and i was leaning more on the strong side.
anthem was sucky.i cudnt keep my eyes up.
i feel like gorging them out of its sockets and rolling it up.
in class, i read my reply.
and i thought, that seriously wasnt wad i meant.
i really ddnt mean it that way.
english was alrite.
letter writing.
hist was alrite.
5th perioud was english again.
i felt bttr.
so i joked around a little.
but dnt dare to be exceptionally alright.
and im glad i ddnt go beyond cracking lame jokes.

coz i paid for it during recess.
i went down for early recess.
den, i went up as zaima was coming down.
went to class but i cudnt possibly sit it inside.
went toilet.
realise aishah and fyna was inside.
fynn was changing so aishah went down with me.
i broke down yet again.
asked aishah go canteen and i stay in the locked cubicle.
i waited until eveyrbody was gone and dared myself out.
i hated the sight of myself.
i walked out soon after saw mards.
she was looking for me.
i wanted to go up to class and not go cnateen. but mard ddnt allow.
went to buy drinks and cry summore.
CRYBABY SIAL SHAFIQAH.
blblablabla.

here goes.

to my dolls, carisse, and the guy i chatted with lst night, this ones for you:-
thanks for listening to wad i had to say.thanks for lending me that extra pairs of ears i needed.
thanks for sticking by me thru this ordeal.i noe wad u guys want me to do, but its not as simple as snapping ur fingers dne u just forget. im really thankful for all that u all have done. and im really trying my best to be strong and to be myself again. i really am trying my real best. shafiqah alwaes gives nth but her best u noe. there is so many i want to do. but i cnat coz im feeling like shite. but dnt werie,i will be fine. i'll get thru this like i alwaes do. havent i alwaes? its not a simple procedure. but i will get thru it all.again.i thank you guys for gg the distance and being dere for me.

to tinglei:-
dont werie. i noe u want to be here for me. i love u all the same.
i cant thank u enough for being dere for me all those while.
im sorry for not being able to do the same for u.take care alrite?(:

to dayah:-
be strong.i dnno wad happen but i wan u to noe i'll be here. if its about studies, dnt werie,u are my brain geek. u will do well eventually.trust me on dis ok?(:

to the person who texted at 309am:-
i really ddnt mean it that wae.
i alwaes have thought highly of you.
if i misjudge,im sorry.
if im wrong,im sorry.
mae be it was all based on my thinking while i judged it.
so im sorry.
friends?

to everyone else, stop worrying.i will get thru dis.
my fingers are numb.
its so cold.
im gg now.
bye.

2007-02-28T21:46:00.000-08:00

well.i woke up at like wad? 743 am. it was bright. i was feeling low in spirits. nothing motivates me to go school. i dnt feel like attending classes. i contemplated on gg aniwae. but i changed my mind. i do not wan to go to school. i do not feel like being punished by sitting outside the office till recess bcoz i was late. i dnt fancy the idea of having to run around the parade square even. i wasnt keen on being pin pointed and make pple go "LOOK>SHES A COUNCILLOR." its my last week of a councillor. so dat be it, i went back to sleep. mum asked why i ddnt go to school. i didnt make excuse of anything. i was like, i woke up late. classmates texted me asking why i was absent. (: wen i finally woke up at 9 plus, i rmmbred, i had malay test todae! wasted lar. i wan to take it lars. apart from that, i dnt look forward to anything else. except drama. so i decided i shall pop by school after curiculum hours. it was raining. i went aniwae. left house at 1340hrs. caught in the rain.

along my way to school, i dnno how many pple said hello. dnno how many pple were like "todae got drama??" dnno how many pple were like "oh nvr cum school arh!" dnno hoe many pple asked why i was absent.and dnno how many times i explained. i reached school.et up all the dollies at the canteen. dayah wants to go smoke. fynn was to follow. aishah is gg home. zaima and i? well, we accompanied still. so went out of school again. caught in the rain again. we went up a block. aishah changed her mind and chose not to smoke. ((: zaima ddnt smoke. neither did i. i heard fyna did again. aishah and i was talking at sumwhere else where the 2 smoked. i told her wad happen. i dnt break down last nyte. i rmmbr the details but i told myself not to cry. but wen i told her and it all came crashing on me, i broke down. on her shoulders. she listened and i cant thank her enough for that. it wasnt hysteric. but ya. separate with aishah, the 4 of us went back to school. dayah asked wad happened. ..

and i told her. just as i was starting my tears were alrdy welling up again. headed for the toilet. and in dere i cried. again. she listened too. i love u. she says all the things i needed to hear. but i cudnt stop crying. wen i did, i looked ugly. went to get drinks and food. and dat was wad i have had for the whole day. toast bread. no appetite. after lunch, dayah went to the toilet we others are still eating. while i was eating my, my mind keep drifting back to the truth i was told and made to understand. tears drop before i had the chance to stop dem. i went to the toilet. lock myself up. and cried. wen it came down, it ddnt want to stop. after a while. fyna and zaima ame looking. i heard dayah crying. the more i cried. i felt even werst den i alrdy was because i cant be dere for my fren. i cant comfort her. by telling her my problem, i was burdening her. shes having too much on her plate and i ddnt realise it after telling her it all. den lina decides to be spiderman and climbed into my cubicle and unlock my door for fyna to cum in. and she did dat to dayahs cubicle. and unlock the door for zaima to go in. and mards came in shortly after and she climbed into my cubicle. i ddnt noe my frens are spiderman wannabes. unlock my door and wen into dayahs too.

this time, i was hysterical. i cried like shit. after it, i had bloodshot eyes. rudolph nose. great. went out. blabla. every mention of it, i cried. got a sudden call from joycelyn telling me there was council rehearsal. i was like running up to the hall. getting a pen and paper and recall my lines. the councillors were sweet. they helped me rmmbr my lines.(: thanks love. then was told mr bala only wan the concert part, so i was ok. ((: blabla. and was only allowed to drama at nearly 6.
got my costume.black pants. and top i chose to bring myself. and bandages was given. dont wan to talk about it. it was fine.i caused the drama team a letter of participation wen i suddenly burst out laughing in a very 100% scene. a no nonsensenot funny scene. i suddenly laughed.but got back into character.minus 15. if not we were close to silver. ha. sorry ya?.haha.

blabla. im still feeling miserable. kak wants to noe wads happening. in 4 yrs, the aunties at the drink stall asked me for the first time "why do u look sad?u alwaes cum here laugh2". haiz.

i did a lot of things
and hope i'd be at the same level as you.
i thought u were great.
i thought u changed my life a lot.
i studied.
i passed my tests
to make you proud.
and each time i do.
i thought i was climbing the ladder.
to be at the same level as you.
but i was wrong.
u werent that hard to catch up with.
u werent much of a challenge.
u werent who i thought u are.
i guess i prefer truths,
i dnt care about everything else,
i merely wanted the truth.
but i was given the truth.
but wen i was later told by another party,
i felt cheated.lied.
i was thinkiing,
how can i trust u now that i noe,
there were lies in the things u told me.
i gave u my trust.
and with just one information,
its taken away.
i have doubt in everyhting alrdy.

everytime i fall for somebody,
it backfires.
really badly.
so where did i go wrong?
so where is the part i show the lack of care?

now im back to where i started 5 months ago.
never ending complications.
why does joy and happiness stay only for awhile?
i was told joy and sad is balanced.
for every joy that one have, there will be one sad thing to balance the scale.
but how come my sadness alwaes is heavier den my joy?
im confused myself.

and to add, i have no mood to play netball interclass tml.seriously.

2007-02-27T23:39:00.000-08:00

ok.i ddnt blog ytd.so i will make ytds story really brief coz im really hyped up.i got so many to say about todae that i might forget it later. and besides, i want to get lots of studying done b4 i go to bed.(:
on sun, my family and i had dinner at pizza hut at jp and it was loads of fun.it was alrite.with nvr ending teasings to ma and awin. and i keep having debates with ma which alwaes ends with either of us getting pissed at the other for a moment. but well, its still fun though.(: reached home at 11 plus blablablabal. mondae ,which was ytd, i woke up late! kak saed i jumped on her face wen i was rushing to get off the bed to put on my lenses. hah. i ddnt realise dat. i ddnt wan to cum but i had the council investiture rehearsal. so i persevered and went. and blablabla. took taxi. kns. i dnt like. waste my money again! but well,i did regain it all back from papa. haha. den.. reached school. blablbla.i ddnt do the announcements coz i was doing assembly emceeing. blabla. had bio. well,as expected i failed the focus with remarkable results. and den was physics. blbalbla. den maths. i passed my speed time graph test with 9/10!!((: i was shock. coz i was expecting a pass but not a mark so close to full marks u see.

went early recess. had so much laugh enjoying every moment walking down. i dnno. its our last mondae in council uni u see.(: den had my recess. went up practise my emcee ting and was crapping and MUTTONS IN THE MORNING was down in our school and i had to ask dem if they wan their names to be mentioned or sumths. i was a gundu. haha. i was secretly hoping dat the school would really co-operate and sing properly. and loud and in tune. so i snag loudly behind shannon warning him to sing too! hah. i was loud coz i really cna hear myself. den mrs jalil waste their time coz sit down noisy all those nonsense so wen i took the emceeing i did tongue twisting. haha. i noe i was fast but wth. i cant waet to present.(: den blbalbla. shan wee is hot. (: enjoyed the assembly like shit. and den, at the part where yee ruen ran down from the gallery i laughed and clap but i winced at the same time. i rmmbred , it was a joke dats alwaes shared btween 2e4'05. and 3e4'06. haha. our class alwaes have yee ruen as our hot star!. wadever. it was just an instant tingee. and after assembly.crapped all the way back to class. the other councillors dnt believe im much more popular. haha. they dnt believe shan wee was my ex bf. haha.

OH! at backstage as i was rpelying kak's msg. shnnon and rashid was like giving me that wtf look. so i took a picture with them! my president and my vice president!(((: otw back to class in the toilet jes was like "arh. later dnt tell me zen v plus stolen again ar" to calm her down took a picture with her too!((: my discipline head! hah. during pastoral care. mr pang asked me and zaima to tell the class wad was it that we do during our voluntary tingees. and so we did. well, the class was quiet when we were talking but i wudnt noe for sure they were really listening? den zaima and i remembered, back to previous yrs, everytym we stand in front of our class, our classmates are alwaes interested. we alwaes have their attention. no matter wad crap dey alwaes listen to wad i have to tell wad i have to say wad i need their support in. and dey have silly lame remarks. and i wud really love to relive those times. its not that im not being optimistic and all lar u kns. i just wan to remember how it was really like talking to a group of interested pple. den a certain classmate of ours asked another classmate " ey. later june holidaes we go do voluntary work" and giving us that sarcasm. gosh. i tell u zaima and i was really pissed. mr pang told us to be IC's. and i am suppose to call kak ain soon and ask her about the events coming up. and to be honest, im not keen at that idea. i think we should as a class come up with ideas and solution and all AS A CLASS.dats wad i feel though.

and i was told i'd be playing in the netball interclass. zaima also. starts on thurs the day i wan to be absent. *groans* i have to cum now. den zaima told me she ddnt wan to participate. and actually i ddnt wan to, but i noe the class have not enough pple. and i dnno.i just agreed immediately when i was told.
zaima:i dnt wan to partcipate.
me:bcoz we have to compete against aishah?and all our teammates last yr?
zaima:ya.it will feel really weird lar.
me:i noe.but theres nth we can do about it. we have to face it ryte? we are not in the class anymore.just bcoz we arent in the same team that dsnt mean we cant be involve in interclass games anymore ryte? this class do deserve our best too.wads past is past, we have to move on and get on with everything.i noe we have accept and all but this are sum of the things we have to adapat ourselves to(:

aiyah. usually we play is like "aishah!ball!" now, its different.nvm. den fnn. after school practical. kuih binkar. funny. den i was asked to go office to take battery for the clock. ran down in heels! ran up in heels! i panted like crazy. left earlier for council rehearsal. the council rehearsal was loads of laugh coz i dnno. haha. i was exceptionally crazy. den got one part rashid nvr cum mah den wen council pledge i go "WE,members of the 7th student council" den they follow den i dnno wad else den i say "pledge to be as pretty as shafiqah. as cute as jovial as nice as shafiqah" and dey were like walau eh. haha. den 2nd time i sae "we" den "thank you". dey also say. haha. i had so much fun during this rehearsal. might have rehearsal again on thurs for mr balas viewing. kns. den after that.me aishah and zaima went threading.my 2nd time at threading and it was the longest minutes in my life. haha. and now, i look like a minah. wtf lar. its ok.

wasnt late todae. had lots of fun. malay test was postphoned.coz practically, the whole class, says mr zubir says its tml wen we all noe he saes it was todae. den he take us to com lab. to do practice and asked me if i really dnt wan to participate in gemilang and i was really sure i dnt wan to participate. and fique was asking me to coz he wan companion.(: and mr zubir say i shall be their mentor. hahaa. dats a gd joke. den we must do 5 practises on the computer. den i do until ery enthu. i finish in a shot period. n lvl standard. and i scored more den 80% every practise.if really n lvl cum out like dat, i happy arh. den i was doing all the way till 11. dne at practise 12, mr zubir got angry coz sum interesting human beings decides to test cikgu lar. so we were all again brought to the parade square for our last 15 mins. kns. really really. den, cikgu says "he wasnt gg to bring us to the library anymore.now, we are not gg to be taken to the com ab too" gosh.im really. aiyah. say oso no point. aishah ,mards and dayah always tells us the happening at malay class. cikgu have nvr blow his top at the express malay class.

blabla. mr pang nvr come. accidentally pull yi xiang pants down. haha. blablabla. den went dow for recess. den duty. den we talking about the fcat dat we wont get all the priveleges as councillors. haha. den go class. english. maths. fun.den english again. blabla. the 5 pple gg to mediacorp left early.

oh! ig to pissed during maths. about somebody being so childish. say later. den 2pm assmeble at foyer. 5 from e1 and 5 from n3. we walk to intrchange had so much laugh. really went to singapore press holding.den in the mrt, wen mr lim is sitting only a cabin awae, he calls me on my phone to tell me we will change mrt at raffles. i know by checking it out myself brotherlup! this course is like media skills and give an inside about jounalism. ((: den, got other schools all lar. we were late den reach dere. the presentation finishing alrdy. den we listen to abit den wait for AIDE ISKANDAR TO CUM. we were at the first row! haha. den he come! i like. he so hot! i like. i like i like. haha. he reminds me of mr umar. hahah.

question and answers was fine. i wrote down and blabla and now i really understand why reporters use voice recorder coz the celebrity talk fast. "blabala..u noe..blaallal..u noe" how to catch.i tink tongue twisting easier. haha. den aide iskandar left the room we receive sum assignments. now we have to write article. den left the room. blabala. laughing so hard. den aide iskandar! den take picture! den i thought of asking him to sign my handbook. and den the others follwed suit! haha. i like i like! was soo very high that i crapped all the way to bradeel mrt station. i think mr lims shirt todae look lie a bus drivers! haha. and funny. i had so much fun. make me forget all my troubles for awhile. (:

reach intrchange. go toilet. with sharmeen.azhar and fique. dey wait outside obviously. i was urget u see. den went back. WOO~ hHA. blabla. heres pictures from last sun to todae!(:
us with mr marc lim,aide iskandars socalled manager.(: and we were the only ones who took with a not celebrity.haha/shes ms sharine. she worked at singapore press holdings. haha. actually mr marc and ms sharina dnt wan take picture but we really pressed coz we say they are equally impt!(:

to a ghastly person:-
top being so childish and immature. grow up. u dnt like it if pple use sarcasm on u. pple got feelings. sum pple wont mind. sum do mind. i dnt mind if u inflict sarcasms on a time im alrite and happy and wn im at one of my moodswings, and u inflicted things which i really ddnt wanna hear, den its seriously, i wont hesitate to do wad i am able to.im not threatening. but seriusly, how many times have u done dis. once twice im alright lar but its getting way out of hand. my toelrance level is low. i cant be nice and just pretend iam not bothered by wad pple are saying. look, bottomline,just shut up and get sum1 ur own size and has the same level of childishness like you. seriously.

to sum1 who..well..:-
u said u ddnt do dis but u did. so how much truth are dere in the things u told me? u said not to do dis and blablabla.but u did. u strikeme of as sum1 whos very religious. but i guess i was wrong. i thought u were perfect in every imaginable way. but u arent as perfect as i thought u are den. u were an honest mistake. a really big one. i thought u were an angel. i thought u are a blessing. but more of a curse as i tink back now. for 2 months. i inflicted myself with so much hope. so much faith. i look up to u like u stood on the highest mountains. now i realise,we are on the same grounds. u were nvr higher den me. i felt bad for my past. i felt bad for taking wad i did, bcoz i thought, it was a real big mistake. but i guess, u were no different . so why did u tell me stuffs u ddnt evendo? u ddnt practise wad u preach. so why am i suppose to follow ur lead? thats why i sae, its a mistake. im not a saint. wad i do, i admit it.wad about u?u are not a saint so why make others think u are?

its okay.
life dsnt always go our way.
it isnt a bed of roses.
it dsnt go as plan.
and will nvr go as planned.
i have loved the thught of having u close ,
and was able to hold u up to the highest mountains.
but this is it.
too much lies.
too much suspicions.
too much of all the negativity.
i cant take this anymore.
i cant keep crying everytime i did sumting to disappoint u.
i cant keep hoping u'd love me back.
i cant keep pretending dat i have nth gg on.
i cant.
i cant do dis anymore.

just let me break down this time. it'llbe the last.i promise.
i tell you.
matter of the heart still sucks for me.
it still really do.
every time i think somehting good is bound to happen.
then sumting else happen which complicates the whole thing and bring a whole new problem.
give me a day.
i'll sleep thru it all.
haiz.

p.s i dnt owe anyone a fcuking apology.

2007-02-25T16:23:00.000-08:00

ytd.((: i had loads of fun. i'll begin from morning.((:
morning.all councillors had to go to school. had to do the council investiture.((: joycelyn and i bet on who will be late. i reached school at 850am. hah. and were both on time lar.((: talked to mdm yap about my script. isa and rashid was being sweet. they helped me list down the council excos and all((: thanks guys! even though u guys love to make me do announcements last yr, i still love u guys ok?(:

edited my script.den got this whole namelist of all the councillors. spearated by the levels . and at the sidde got like numbers lar. and the names werent in order lar.real big kns. so wen i tried reading it was all SO BLOODY confusing. den blablabla.den i saed ot isa this coming week i'd be doing all the assembly emceeings and all the announcements.its my last week. i will NEVER be doing all these stuffs again.so ya. and isa was also like "yalar.i havent been doing the announcements in a long time" haha. at 1020. we had our first run. it was ok. but there was a delay at the part where the first council go up. hahaha. bcoz sumhow they forgot how to shake hands, how to blablabla. so, while waiting at the rostrum. and the other councillors look bored.so while ms oh and mdm yap handled the first council. i saed into the mike.
me:and the rest of the other councillors.keep quiet or else we will sing the national anthem.
the councillors laugh.
me:ok.we shall sing the national anthem.sec 2's pls stand.
then only afiq stands up lar.
me:sec 2's wad are u doing?sit down again.sec 3s stand up and show the sec 2's how to stand.
then sec 3's stand properly.den the sec 2's go BOO! den ms oh look at them and den at me. and i saed into the mike
me:keep quiet.we will sing the national anthem on mondae.
and they laughed again. it was funny bcoz i was imitating mrs jalil and all lar. haha. funny. den saed my lines until finish all sec 3 sc's.den i go sit down with the rest of the councillors. den sec4turn.((: den after i collect my cert. i go backstage. den took over suahida again. blabla. den got performance. den final perfoamnce is GOODBYE BY AIR SUPPLY. the councillors sang it. and it was so sweet and touching at the same time! then in btween, they have to go down and give the sec 4's the token. den i was like standing at the rostrum. i wanted to cry. just standing at the rostrum. haha. its gnna be my last few times up on stage like dat. ha. i dnno why.but i ddnt. den dey had to sing another time coz i dnno why. so this time before we start i saed loudly
me:NOT FAIR.WHOS GNNA PSS IT TO ME THEN? NOT FAIR.
MSOH:LIFES NVR FAIR.SO MOVE ON/
and the other councillors laughed at me.and im like. "im darling shafiqah so lifes shud be fair for me" haha.i wish.i wish. den the second time they sing. i took my mike off the mike stand. and go and join them and sing anyhow. den joycelyn came up. den billy. den i dnt rmmbr. and the loud part is the ending. "theres nothing more to say. but GOODBYE" haha. and i only noe this lines " i rather hurt myself than to ever see u cry" den. end of rehearsal. go home.

i went to jp to get a drink. and buy my lenses solution.OH! i was in specs. cause my right lenses is missing. my transparent one! lucky i got spare! BLOODY HELL.2nd time.kns. reach home and napped. tired. woked up at 145. had breakfast cum lunch. paint nails. bathe. got ready. i realise one thing. i look tired. i look like an old woman . i hate my hair. coz my hair turns out to be flat and dsnt stand. i hate the dress i was wearing. (i only realise i hate wen im out) i hate i hate. since it was raining.

zaima and daya cabbed to fetch me. and we reach boon lay. took train to somerset. and i was crazy all the way. i sangthem both a song. "as we go on. we remember. all the times we had together. as our lives change. cum wadever. we will still be friends forever." i saw the first few words and i wanted to cry. and dey sang and i was really on the verge of tears and dey scoolded. dey were like "oi dah lawa2 jgn spoil eh. " i ddnt. met fyna and gja dere. dye were late!we waeted. dayah smoked while waeting. i was tired. waet den dey call and den see dme. walk to cine. den blablablabla. topshop eh fyna? haha. bought stuffs.den wen to heeren. and bought sum stuffs. den i dnt rmmbr. den aishah called. we stopped to just talk to her. so,she was suppose to get ready den meet us up at bugis. ((: *jumps forjoy* den. blablabla. and i went to town.and also got myself a hairband. haha. stupid. and ema and i got each other the same heart hp strap. haha. and act surprised wen we exhanged it. haha. den i saw a like this pouch lar.not pouch.like purse but cna put ps and mp4's and stuffs. i would have buy it, if my mp4 wasnt stolen. )): den we walk to mrt station. to take train to bugis to meet aishah. i bought ice cream!den i sang the same line to fyna and i nealr cried again. went bugis!gja and i ha dloads of laugh at this guy. hahah. i cudnt contain my laughter sia. met aisha. while walking to the shoping centre to take neoprints. i sang to aishah and she was like shut up bitch shut up. haha. den nvr cyr. take neoprint. dayah ddnt wna take. so we 5 take. den we go toilet. den we go eat. first time we separated while eating. sum wanna eat ljs while sum wanna eat bk. dayah & gja eat ljs. while me,fyna and aishah and zaima eat bk. loads of laughs. and we leanred how to laugh.if we want to laugh not gracefully, say excuse me and laugh.or cover ur face! blablabla. went to look for aishahs earrings. den. went back. den i receive a silly qn "SO YOU REALLY WANNA CUm?" it was a qn pertaining to clubbing at bumbles. wtf. even if i saed i want to,can i go in? no ryte. wah. mcm fhm lar u 2. so silly. fell asleep. woke up at 3 thought i was late for school. and i realise it was sundae. haha. realise, make up till on, contact lense still on. changed and went back to sleep.
heresd pictures!

dey go OINK OINK!
more pictures are with ema and fyna respectively.my all tiem faves arent here.its with fyna.

THOSE WHO WANTS TO WATCH THE SC INVESTITURE MONDAE IS OUR FULL DRESS REHEARSAL. WITH MR BALA. CAN SIT AT GALLERY.(: 4-6PM.

IN REMEMBRANCE OF MY LOST ZEN V PLUS. HERE GOES. ALTHOUGH WE ONLY HAD 1 MONTH BEFORE U GOT STOLEN, I REALLY HAVE HAD SO MUCH FUN. I THANK YOU FOR BEING MY COMPANION. AND WHOEVER U ARE WITH RYTE NOW, DNT GIVE UR BEST. DIE ON THAT PERSON OK? PLEASE BLAST UR STEREOS LOUDY AND ET THE PERSON GO DEATH FOR SEPARATING U FROM UR LOVED ONES. AHEM.ME OF COURSE. I SHUD NOE. (: U ARE REMEMBERED OK DARLING? WITHOUT YOU, SILENCE IS OBVIOUS. NOW I CANT GO STUDY ALONE. BCOZ FOR SURE, I WILL GET DISTURBED. HA. I SHUD NOE. HAH. ((: I LOVE U TO BITS AND PIECES. DONT MISS ME TOO MUCH EH YOU? TAKEGOOD CARE OF URSELF.IF WE ARE MEANT TO BE, U'LL COME BACK AND I WONT HAVE TO SAVE MY MONEY TO GET A NEW ONE OK?(:

THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN THE NIGHT IT GOT STOLEN. WITH KAK'S MICROPHOTO. )):

TO MR DIN! HOW WAS BUMBLES? HAHA. I TOLD U MY ABSENCE CAN REALLY BE FELT. I GOT TELL YOU RYTE? U SEE LAR. HAH. HAPPY 19TH BDAE. I DDNT NOE U MIX WITH 26 YR OLDS WANNABES. HAHA. SEMOGA PANJANG UMUR DAN MURAH REZEKI. BEST OF LUCK DURING THE RELEASE OF UR A LVL RESULTS! WAD ELSE.. OH I THOUGHT U SAED U WONT GO CLUBBING DAT OFTEN? HAHA. OK.WADEVER. I EXPECT MY GRAND ENTRY SUMTIME SOON. AND LOOKS LIKE MY RIDE IS IN MANY MORE MONTHS TO COME. haha. take care!

UPSET .

2007-02-24T00:26:00.000-08:00

i was a really clumsy moron ytd.
say hello to butter-fingers.
i was really irritated. from wed to thurs,
i only have 8 hrs of sleep the most in 48 hrs.
not inclusive of the dozing off in btween classes though.
so i cant study maths with a tired brain.
cant abosrb ss with a brain dats so lazy.
i tried.
i really did.
but nth went into my brain.
iron my uniform and went to sleep.
at 1130 i was alrdy snoring.
im sure.
dad woke me up at 3.
ask me call kak.
kns.
i rmmbred kak last dae at jp coffee bean coz the thing gg to renovate.
den i slept.
woke up at 620 by kaks call.
ask me open the door.
then i on heater.
put my uniform inside bag.
and bathe.
called fyna.
went to school.
met her at the intrchange.
bought sweets.
walked to school.

took announcement books and no announcements.
den i go toilet.
den i ddnt realise i was in dere for so long coz the next thing i noe, the 2nd bell rang alrdy.
so wen i went out.
the other councillors were up on the steps.
and i was at the back of the hall with the file councilllors.
sang.
go backstage.
lost and found.
i ddnt wan to make.
den go sit with class.
temperature taking.~
after dat, went to return announcement book and took a long route to the hall coz azhar dnt wan to do warm up.((:
den from afar saw sum sec 3 pple kena caning.
i closed my ears and turn awae lar.
i dnt like to see.its ohsoscary~
den go stand with class den still got caning gg on den i close again den normil laughed at me. u kns~ den the next thing i knew one of my classmates was getting caned also!.gosh i was so scared can.2 strokes.wtf~ make me shock.

den mdm ong asks us go field to do running.35 people.
10 report sick.19 ran.9 girls. 2 ran. only me and zaima.
supposedly run 3 rounds.
but i ran 2.
and my classmates commented im darker.
i think i explained i wen to the beach about 3 times todae.
den streathchings.
go hall wekena lecture coz the class not co-operative den we cannot play games.
took bags went to class.
mdm ong talk to te class about the cliques.
and she got say "sum pple have been here for 6 yrs alrdy. sum are from the express last yr"
i still wince at the mention of dat lar.
i look awae.
830, can do own things.
studined maths.despite the temptation to sleep.
studied and studeied and studied.
made sense of everything,and wen mr yip come in he gave us 10 mins to study.
study again.
paper start.first qn was a breeze. second qn i got stucked.
i was like think shafiqah think! its speed time graph u see.then the time got 5 and 10 and t.
den must find value of t.i got it as 10 using the given deceleration. den i think until i see fique finish paper. i still tinking. i cunt go on to the next qn coz the qns are linked. den i realise. i must plus 10. aiyah, u study deceleration, u will noe why.(: so den i quickly do. den draw the distance graph. i tink i labelled wrongly. the paper is apoint 10. minus the graph which is 3 marks, the rest i suppose im right.so im targeting a 7.((:
den mt. boring~ did malay mock exam, i got 30/45. haha.
den mr zubir asked me if i want to join the gemilang 2007. last yr it was gemilang 2006. the malay hosting comp. which i made friends with fasha, elfarina and deeyan. OH! not forgetting i hated that kasbani kasmon. haha. correct anot fasha? den i saed i dnt want. i made to the finals last yr. top 20 among hundreds.its a interschool tingee. eliminated the first round.wasnt prepared. the day before i wanst writing my script even, i was looking for fyna after council duty which ends at 8 plus wit aishah. long story. wasnt suprised,wasnt sad to lose.and dis yr, i'd be a supporter. not a competitor.(:

den recess. realise all dollies went down to recess together. funny. aishah nearly fall got lower sec bang into her. i like. force fyna do her aisah 50 sen tingee.she dnt want. laughed our way to canteen.reach canteen.one half go buy food. the ther half buy drink.me aishah and daya go buy drink.the 3 shoritees lar.the 3 tall go buy food. den wen we 3 cum back got pple sit at out table.kns. so we sit at another table. den after the other 3 cum alrdy. mards sae "next time, 2 buy drink.2 buy food. 2 jaga our table" haha. den
mards:can i sae sumth? (all girls turn to her)
me:wad?
mards:i will really miss thsi type of things next yr.
me:shut up! i dnt want to cry.
the rest was alrdy asking to shut up and den i go.
me:actually true.next yr, only 1/3 of the table is occupied.

blabla.english did things.mr lim caught me eating my sweet.ask me spit it out. i sae i swallow. den he saed sumth about zoe tay.stupid. no link lar brotherlub. i can hear poh kee was shock to se me get caught coz she excitedly saes "wah.first time". yes frst time poh kee and i enjoyed it.(: finally i get caught. no teacher have punished me this yr and it was boring. i've been a rebel last yr and it was fun((:

aniwae, ss was alrite. cme was funny. walked with normil. debated thru.normil,its YOU who wants to walk beside ME and everybody else is jealous coz YOU are walking beside ME.(:
den go library.me zaima and fahmi crapped with mdm shariffah. haha. sugar and salt. fahmi mistook salt for sugar for fnn final yr practical. he was cooking honeydew sago and he used salt. haha. funny. funny.

den sat at the cosy corner dere.beside normil.no, coz NORMIL WANTED TO SIT BSIDE ME.(: haha. kns. school ended.go canteen.saw dayah. acc her buy food and drink. lunched. talked with that babe. den change to p.e. den study . read like shit the ss. i was upset about sum personal issues and i let it affect me real bad. i ddnt cover 4 pages. went up for paper. fall aslip halfwae. den wake up do again.like dat like dat. after paper. go canteen den go drama. blabal. first run. sucks like shit. joyce took over santhea. forget santhea lines.look at me. for prompts. den she smile and make me want to laugh. out of character. haha. hunting scene. i saed bam wen im not supposed to. i go BA at the same time joyce goes HAD TO BLEED. haha. out of character. i smiled. zaima laughed. kns. and we all got out of character.

den toilet break. den work scene by scene. work on my ending dying scene. well, it took time to come up with a way to die on shahrul but jerk to the back. coz i was shot at the chest and im suppose to fall on shahrul.as much as i dnt want to. den the teacher kns. not actress give comments like mcm fhm. den sae give me and shahrul 2 mins to work it out. if cannot den dat one shahrul and i must practise ourself. but stupid ryte? too much a time to work on a prticular ting? kns lar. attitude kns lar. den i tensed. we went for another run. and den, i scared lar. i scaed die not properly. but i tink it was alrite and i scratched my arm and i made my bruise bigger. ~

den watch dance for awhile. go back.blablablaablaa.slept till 930.

i wrote sumths in class todae.but i wont share it todae.
no post about guys.lazy lar.
den, tml morning gg to school for full dress rehearsal,with blazer summore.kns.
emceeing.not prepared.
mdm yap sae wen the part im gg to receive my cert suhaida take over me. first time in history dat i noe a council emcees for a council investiture.
kns.
im gg now.(:

BYE XD

2007-02-22T21:37:00.000-08:00

exhausted.
im really exhausted.
after school.
went to sc meeting.
alrite.
sat got full dress rehearsal.
and i have to edit my emcee script using the script written, 3 yrs ago wen i was in sec 1.
nvm.
my creative zen v plus dat dad got for me about a month ago was stolen todae.
dnt ask why.
dnt ask how.
im not pissed.but i dnno hot to tell dad.
nvm.
i shall save my allowances.
and buy a new one.
wadever.
just dnt go out often.
will do wad i can to save the money.
i have maths test tml.
kns.
swenson was fun.
wasted trip to have threading.
it was closed.
and went mamis place.
haikel and dora touched my heart.(:
cute pple!
im really tired.
cant post.
bye.
cant talk about guys post tonyte also.
and swenson,wad type of girl am i dat u tink im the type dat one fall in love?

2007-02-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

blearghs. im so tired. i want to sleep. coz everything is soo slow. we are slacking and wasting our time real bad. im in the library. supposedly doing my research. but i dnno wad to research so i landed on blogger. not addictions eh, dis is for killing time purposes. after posting, i suppose i shall go and sleep.coz lesson only finishes at 1245. den off to maths being fresh after sleep. ha. i got a dinstinction to meet eh. haha.

i slept late last nyte. due to sum enexplanable reasons. ha. but thruout everything, kak, decides to be a REAL pain in the ass even more den she already was.

well, woke up dis morning after lesser den 4 hrs of sleep. but im really thankful dat its not lesser. hahah. I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HEAVY DESPITE MY CANNOT OPEN EYES. ((: even wearing lenses was a bloody torture. i wanted to tear the lenses there and den lar i tell u. really kns one sia. den wan to wear specs. den i blind dat time cannot find the stupid lenses. how nice. i persevered! after all ,i had a nice 4 hrs slip. haha. ((: blablabla. got ready school. met fyna and lina at the intrchange. den walk to school. was pretty high. fyna was with her since ytd 50 sen tingee. wtf. make me laugh. and i walk very fast to school todae! haha. all because i wanted to go backstage and sleep. hahahahaa.

reached school told suhaida to look for me at the backstage after taking announcement book. den i go backstage. take chair. go to the table and sleep. woke up wen mr azizs voice was booming at the microphone. gg to 730 alrdy. den i go to the back of the hall. suhaida nvr find me to tell me got announcement.i wud have made it. chet. (:

den sang on steps. wasnt high as usual. but not that bad. pple in front of me arent that tall. and yes i had fun singing my last few times on the steps.(: haha. den went to the back of the hall. take thermometer pass to dayah at gallery. den cum back down. sat with class. and was like "sharmeen. i wryte down in my handbook u nvr bring thermometer." haha. and sharmeen. kau baik2. haha. was talking a lot until mdm yap cum into our class dere lar. kns. den cek attendence. mr pang nvr cum wad. good. no history. (:

after waeting for other classes to be dismissed. n3 sc's decides to go ferst. u see, this are the advantages of being a council. for the wrong reasons lar ok. den we go back of the hall. helped the file councils to return the file. but while collecting the file. mdm yap approached me and azhar. she asked azhar about the dance tingee. and den turned to me and ask.

mdm yapp: can u like be...erm. be the emcee for the student council investiture?
me: but im a councillor u noe.
mdmyapp: ya.can can.
me: oh.den alrite.
mdm yapp: see me after school todae. wen we all meeting. coz i already got the template for the script but nid to work on sumths.
me:ohok.
mdm yapp: u can do it alone?
me: erm. ya. sure.

so wen azhar and i was walking to the office. we were discussing on how im suppose to emcee and receive my certificate at the same time. we are tinking of calling the guest of honor to come to me and give me my cert. hah. fat hope. well, i tink i wanna go and take my cert and step down like i shud be. not dnt take my cert and be the emcee u noe. its the moment of glory. haha. the time i have been waiting for since i was elected last yr. but. aiyah. dnno lar.

english. we did sum stupid things on oral which i rmmbr doing back in sec 1 with ms wang where we learn the oral marking scheme. nearly dozed off lar. den history,mr pang nvr cum. i slept for 2 periods! den english again! i wen to the toilet.
mrlim:wad happen to u?
me:wad happen to me wad?
mrlim:are u ok?
me: of course.
mrlim:aniwae.5 pple from the total defence grp is to keep next tues free.coz we are gg to caldecott. and aide iskandar will be dere.
me:oh.only 5?
mrlim:ya.
me:wad our suppose to do with that guy?
mrlim:u'll be interviewing him or sumths.
me: eh. aide iskandar is dat soccer guy ryte?
mrlim:ya.
den i go toilet. den came back telling the other total defence pple about it. haha. fique is expecting his face to go on tv. haha. no chance for u. but may be for me. haha.

den.recess. helped mr lim carry things to do staff room.not fair. he make fique carry radio. prakkash carry stack of white files and me our class english files and he carry sumth so damn light and i was light. "cher.u free loader arh" note: free loader was a werd he taught the class todae. haha.

blabal. recess.fyna and her 50 sen. caused me to laugh like crazy! den after recess. went to office take class list.met mr bala. hah. den finish last few minutes of duty. den go back class and go for fnn. voila!

after school, must help the scs with sum stuffs. must see mdm yapp sumore. kns ryte?
den after dat go swenson! den threading. den go mami hse. den,home lar. ((:
2 test tml. ss and maths. i want to ace it.((: haha.

alrite. 15 more minutes to maths.
i wan to sleep!
bye!

u make me happy.XD

actually,im not allowed to do emceeings anymore.
my parents dnno i partcipated in the total defence tingee.
not dat dey will sae anything.
but dey will nag.
and if dey were to noe, im back to emceeing,
dey wud ask me not to do it.
dey are afraid that i will lose the focus.
i wan to prove dat i can emcee,
and focus at the same time.
but i had my chance last yr.
dey wont believe it if i sae
i'd focus and emcee.
kak, favour. not to be told to mama and papa ok?
haiz.
as much as dey are proud of me for being brave to go up on stage and talk,
dey wan to be as proud of me for my results.
get wad i min?
being an emcee is not sumth proud animore.
alst yr, wen i was offered to do emceeings,
i'd go home and be like "im emceeing for blablbal"
at ferst, dey go wow good dat kinda ting.
but after awhile.
dey start to make noise.
i dnno if i shud still go on.
aiyah.
its my last year.
2nd last i min.
but,.
wadever.
dey dnt have to noe.((:

2007-02-21T22:32:00.000-08:00

i slept late last night. at 2 plus. haha. before dat, while i was putting sum last minute stuffs into my bag, i found this nanyang poly booklet which was concluded missing daes ago. and in it was suppose to have kaks reuslt slip. and we all ddnt find it the last few daes. but wth. i did. ((: and after rejoicing the found of her results slip. kak was back to being miserable coz she realise she have deleted the msg from moe which has the fax number. but wth. given my resourcefulness, i found moe's fax number.(: actually any dumb idiot wud have, but my sister, is a special case lar kan.(:

after sum reading. i went to sleep. only to be rudely awoken by the ringing sound of my never ending msg tone. and i read a text msg from dayah. she saes she wasnt cuming to school given her menses cramp. at 4 bloody am! i cudnt open my eyes to reply. so i went back to sleep. waking up at 556am. coz i received another msg. from aishah babe. dis one bttr. she saes "piqa. no nid to bring my stuffs.nt cuming to school.HEE3." and from the HEEHEEHEE. i noe dat dat babe lazy to come lar.kns. aishah darling, start coming to school on a regular basis eh? u are like taking over me ! the me who ALWAES absent often. and mards rmbr u saed on the dae b4 school reopen? "we will see who constantly absent.and who first to absent in the yr". haha. i was first to absent in the yr no doubt bout dat, but aishah is the one dats constantly absent(:

anw, woke up at my usual late time and got ready for school. lenses make my eyes pain pain. but i ddnt care.=X called fyna after my bath and make sure she waet for me!(: den blabla. did i mention i hate pinafores?my pinafore like kns. i hate it. the thing todae like shit. but its ok. i had a positive attituide since the start of the dae. no matter hoe sleepy i was, i still smile. and bear in mind, i musnt be tired at the end of todae. and i must happy.((: and so, even though my pinafore was giving me hell, i still smile to everyone. blablabla. reach intrchange met fyna. bought our sweets, den walk to school. den i go drag joyce to take announcement book. and we started talking on butts. haha. i like! perky ones i adore! hahaha. den i went up to the hall so happy. coz there was no announcements. den we standing at the side, den as in me and suahida lar. we wan to tell ms ho got no announcement. den mdm lock wants to write den nvr bring her own pen make me go and take my pen. kns wan lar. den she write until handwriting very small wan to make us blind den until so cursive and i was telling suhaidah while mdm lock writing. dat i wasnt making and sae tml den i make. den suhaida saes she coughing den i sae eh i oso. den i started coughing! hha. den mdm lock ask the one making the announcement to read den suhaida look at me dne i read lar. kns. den mdm lock sae very good. den we go show ms ho. den i have the feeling ms ho dsnt like mdm lock. coz she read the announcement and told us,
msho: actually this type cannot write, must inform the class.
me:u wan us to go inform?
suhaida:ya.den we dnnid to make the announcements.(:
msho:u dnt make she jump on u arh.
get wad i min?((:
so suhaida became very dear. she went to make the announcement which ends me standing at the steps.(: and i anyhow go in in front of gena. and on stage i look in front and i was like "why are these pple standing in front of me?" den i pushed zen so got hole in front of me den gena sae "siallh.block me sia." so i made a bigger hole. i wanted to laugh out loud dere and den seriously. coz the guys in front of us were giving me the god-pls-stand-at-the-first-row look. haha. sang. den smiled at suhaida. haha. den.blablablablabla. maths was alrite. fridae got test again on distance/speed time graph. and i did my maths enthusiastically todae. with fique. haha. well, maths is lame without craps lar ryte. haha. thanks fique for the coaching.(:

den mt. at the staircase dere, a familiar scent went into zaima and my nostrils and we both look at each other and was like "confirm mr umar just walk pass" haha. den go mly room. den mr zubir start telling us of the malay focus test. which we did a couple of weeks ago. den he told us the highest in class is 16. and i thought ot myself "gawd.only 16?.i alwaes get 18" but den zaima and i was talking about sumth i cant sim to rmmbr now. den mr zubir read one of the compo. den wen i hear the starting, i was like "gosh zaima.dat sounds like mine" den we stopped talking and listened. and wen i hear the storyline and name used. i was convinced it was mine. and i go.
" siallah.paisey lar.aiyah.nvm. nobody noes its mine aniwae" den zaima saes "arh. den im a nobody?" den she turned to her left where rasul was sitting and told rasul that the essay was mine. and ask rasul to tell safari. kns. den , mr zubir saed sumths.he saed " this letter was written by one student who have wrote her story different from the rest. i told u all before dat u dnt have to instruct (coz the letter was about communication btween our fren and their parents) .this student instead of instructing, she told about her own problems which in the same way will leave a bigger impact on her friends life. this student scored 16/20. the only student who scored dat. and this student is nur shafiqah" i was so glad that no one was really giving a damn. good good. i ddnt tink my compo was dat good coz back in the express 16 is just a basic. and many wud have written like me aniwae. oh, sorry,that was uncalled for. really sorry.

den ct. did sum stuffs. recess.only 4 dolls was present. saturdae gg to town! tml go swensons and threading after dat! yay! finally. den physics. got back physics focus test. i bet with fique, if i got single digit, fique is suppose to go get me twix.but wth. i got 10/25. i failed but it isnt single digit. but its gd coz i expected single digit. and also, i got the marks from all the qns i did even the anyhow ones.(: *pats on the back.* blablablabla.

watched fantastic 4 during cme. and i realise one thing. forever, how long and how far does forever stretches? for eg, sumbody saes i'll love u forever. but the moment the other person change in terms of looks. dats it. forever ends dere.so wad happens to no matter what happens? will elaborate sumother time(:

drama was a blast. i rushed to drama with azhar and joyce and santhea the moment we hear G was dere. and plan who to take over hidayah . and i saed i'd take over during court scene. yuen told joycelyn. den dnno wad. den. yuen called me over while i was rmmbring my own lines telling me i'd take over. den G saes " todae is ur test. i will tell u all wad u are fighting foor...blabla" den i got tensed. wth. i dnno hidayahs lines! i only the court one. so quickly try to rmmbr. den we start. den second scene parent scene, G told us to stop coz he saes we are direct COP. (cert of participation) . den i got tensed. again, we did the whole run. it was bttr. i cocked up the final parents scene. i got out of character as mother. dayah,its ur fault! the part where josh shot father, i was suppose to go in and scream. but den i go and accidentally nearly blurted out my lines as my own character not mother. den i die and the whole room was laughing at me. haha. den, G saes we are still fighting for bronze.(: den work on sum scenes. den we go break. den cum back. 2nd run. i like! and cocked up the last parent scene again. haha. i came off even before father was shot. haha. wadever. fridae got extra rehearsals.

ok as promised a post on guys.
MUHD SYAFIQ BIN BAHARRUDIN(:
my buddy.(:
he have helped me a lot in my studies now.
he gave me lots of encouragements.
and i cant thank him enough!
though i slapped him before!
many things have happened thruout.
but we are still friends yea?
haha.
and let me share wad he ever wrote on his bio test paper on spinal reflex last yr.
_____ to _____ guess wad he wrote?
paul to hill .haha.kns right?
den he labels spinal tube as brain string! hahaa.
well fique,
rmmbring last yrs crap, its still making me laugh my ass out.
haha.
take care!

bye everyone!

2007-02-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

i bring u pictures form the chalet(:
this was taken after i changed. and gosh.i look so damn fat. me, nenek, kak ,diniy at the back and achar promoting ICE mineral water? wtf achar?and dis was while waiting for those people to get their tuffs ready to be brought to the beach.kak, me and kak ain.
and dis was after the bitch wen dey 2 decided to pose like mak nyahs. which surprisingly dey look like one too!(: dats achar and diniy.dis was while bathing.see that green thing on my head? kak and diniy put dettol on our heads.kns.kak ain,kak, achar, diniy, me and iz.kak siti, me, kak ain and kak(:awin, bibik kak ain ,me and ngahte. pls go and click on the photo. and see ngahtes very BAKED face.
pic edited by kak ain! lols!

well, todae, i woke up at about 8. i had to meet sum of the councils and help out in their investiture performance. i was warned by joycelyn to NOT be late. so i make it a point dat if i am GOING to be late, i be late by a few minutes.(: so wen i wanted to wear my BLUE LENSES. after putting on the right one. i opened the cover of the LEFT one. and i got the shock of the dae. my blue LEFT lenses was not there. it was dere wne i took it on the night after the chalet. and i cudnt have dropped it sumwhere, bocz i ALWAES check my lenses. i alwaes check before i close the cover. i ddnt drop it too. so sum1 must have taken it and throw it away. bcoz my lenses cannot have just disappeared into thin air. so bloody hell, the lenses gone. GONE. anybody wanna get me? MY CONTACT LENSE DEGREES IS 375.I WANT BLUE COLOUR OKAY? AND THEN FRESHKON OK? AND WHOEVER TOOK MY LENSES, I CURSE. AIYAH NVM. ITS GONE ANIWAE.

so i changed into my transparent lenses which was bloody well giving me problems. but i wore it aniwae. got ready and got out. so i texted joycie wen i was at the bus stop. it was 904am. and i saw shafia in the bus. reached pm and saw aisyah. dne suahida. the 3 went to 7/11 and i sat at mcd. den saw rosniah. den sat. called joyce. she was just about to leave home!
den i decided to eat coz the smell was so tantalizing. haha.so shafia and i ate. and den azhar decides to come and i ddnt realize anything until he tells me he was wearing a red top and white bottom. and i went "OMG. mrs jalil wud be so proud of u!" haha. den we were looking around at the environment.

azhar: can u pls tell that guy this is a roadside not a beach?
i turn and saw a chi guy, so well built, and jogging and wearing only short pants. and his body was like so hot. and he was tanned. and i laughed in glee. and saed to the other scs.
me: guys.check him out.
den the other councils, who are girls, was also laughing and commenting that that chi guy was hot and suddenly i blurted, "HIS BREATHTAKINGLY SEXY!" HAHA. BECAUSE THE OTHE COUNCILS WAS LIKE "HIS HOT" , "WOW,NICE" so i saed dat lar,(: but that guy really was.

well, wen jocelyn FINALLY show up. tgt with benjamin. we all left for this shelter. den rosniah tumpang me on ben's bike.(: funny. (: den blabla. dey practised dancing to the song hotline by ciara. and azhar was their choreographer. and i was watching. was told to take over zahidah as in substitute. and den i dnt want. coz fcuk. u all noe me. i dnt dance.

so azhar asked me to join him in looking at the dancers and help him correct dem and all. and so i did. i wasnt a very fierce instructor.(: den after awhile after giving lots of constructive comment. i told azhar one of the move was funny. so i came up with a step i rmmbred from syamsirs dat grp. but the step dsnt go with the music and thesecind ting it was diff for the sc's to do. so ya. but i was already enthu about dancing and so i did. i danced and all. i took over zahidah. and dey wanted to make it permanent but i was like hell no.(: but i dance until like so semangat. and i thought i was pretty good too.(:

den blablabla. i had to leave at 12 plus. so befor ei left we saed our gdbyes and i told dem not to be late for duty tml. esp the sec 4's coz its our last few duties. haha. den went to gek poh. met mum. fadly was attached dere. haha. my rumoured bf. haha. wen i was still working at pm.. every time his wrking, he will ask for me.and vice versa. his a rider. past posts wen im still working got about it all lar. the time wen fafa and seha teased and all.

blabla. went back. went online. and off. napped. and back here. i havent do my r&d coz i dnno where to start. kns ryte? its ok. and pple , go and read dayahs blog. a drunken mothertoot taxi driver nearly knocked her down. and she left me a msg in case shes gone which caused me to cry.
to dayah.-
i swear babe. i swear.
i will kill that taxi driver
if he were to have knocked u down.
i will make sure he die a torturing death
. he has no right.
he has no fcuking ryte
to take away all the life u cud have lived
. u'll nvr have an epitaph den.
chet. dats coming from our script! haha
. i love u babe.
yes, its true we havent been catching up
for a long time.
and i too have been reading ur blog,
to catch up with ur life.
all that u've been doing.
how things are with u and ur sweetness(:
im proud dat u have sum1 real for u to finally love.
sumtimes , im almost envious.
but sumtimes i wasnt.
it is by choice i am where i am now.(:
haha.
and if too, i were to go before u do,
pls no, that i love u.
and pls noe, in this world,
u once have a friend who loves u all her heart.
i love u.
so pls take good care of urself.(:
and eternal bliss to u and now then i noe MUHD FIRDAUS MAAROF.
ok NORhidayah bte Z? haha.<3

syafiq saes i have talked about very little guys in mu blog. true? gosh, he makes me sound like im a lesbian!
so, from tml onwards,i'll end my post with a story on a different guy(:
haha.and i'll begin with fique. hahaha.pls be honored.(:

goodnees.if u are choosing to disappear.
just do.
dnt cum back and make my hopes high.
and den just disappear again.
i thought at first dere was so much to be talking about.
den i thought otherwise,
dne i realise todae,
there is still so much more dat is left unsaid.
qestions with no answers.
doubts which have no assurance.
and words which has a meaning?
or doesnt it?
im keeping my options open.
but i cant come to any decision
until i know wads up with u first.
bloody hell.

I HATE WADS HAPPENING.AND GOSH. DRAMA TML.

2007-02-19T22:30:00.000-08:00

you became my pillar of strentgh.
you became my pillow of comfort.
over very limited time.
i gave u my trust.
i confided in you.
like as though i have known you for a long time.
my door of love was closed sumtime back.
but i dare say,
it has been reopened for me.
however, im not taking up my chance.
my one chance to tell you how much u mean to me.
but i dnt wan anything to sour btween us.
you gave me hope and faith i nvr thought i had.
you made me believe i could overcome anything.
you made me think that i will make it.
you instilled so much faith in me den no one has ever done.
and for all that,
it makes me love u more.

im not bored.im saying all this.
coz i mean it.
and i ahve meant all of it all along.
so to all,
wad u read before and everything,
its sumting dat was written not out of boredom.
but out of sumting dat cums from the heart.
it really did.
i know its mushy and all.
but dats girls isnt it?
more sensitive and more deep.

well wadever.
i'll post pics from the chalet tml.
m doing lots of thing about matters of the heart.
and im having a migraine now.
so im out.

2007-02-19T18:52:00.000-08:00

well, i promised dad, to be at the chalet, on saturdae which was ytd by 9 am or earlier. i made the promise on bhalf of kak. and so saturdae morning came. my fon which alarm was set at6 am. was with kak coz she decided to use my incoming the previous night. i woke up and find my fon ,it was alrdy 642 am. its either the alarm have been ringing, have been snoozed, or was not heard by kak, i dnno. but wad i noe i reset my alarm to 7 and slept. blabla. i finally woke up at 730 to bathe and all. blearghs. i was nagging the whole time to wake kak up. mum was done bathing and kak ddnt wake u yet! i was like "oi.wake up lar. later papa scold lar. we alrdy promised ryte?.oi wake up lar.i tell u, if u dnt wake up soon i go by myself lar."

i packed.i did all of the things. and she only wake up at 8.kns ryte? i noe. so while waiting for her, i did a lot of things. i took lots of pictures. all while she was doing this,so i took a photo of myself.i tried smiling with teeth. which makes me look so damn retarded. all bcoz, ple sae "why u dnt smile with teeth?" there.now u all noe why? bcoz i look retarded. i do not wan to have a rsemblce to yee ruen like syafiq u see.((: dont u tink this is far bttr then the previous picture?i tried reading too.((:so we 3 cabbed there bcoz we were alrdy late and i ddnt want papa to give a sour face for us being late. (: a long boring ride to east coast. blasted the mp4. looked out of the window and chet u all. i ma\eant my words.i ddnt tink of the past lor u kns.((: wen we finally reached ecp. mum thought of having breakfast at mcd first but it was full house so we called the rest who came fetching at the which carpark i oso forget. and we reach the chalet, f13.((: salamed everybody. who all looked so tired from the previous night activities.! den blabla. i went to change.

diniy: adek, later wan to suntan?
me:u got the oil? oh set lar!(:
diniy:great1 i have a partner now! nobody wants to tan!
the other cousins gav me and diny dat are u guys stupid or crazy? haha. after breakfast of sandwich. diniy and achar related the previous daes talentime tingee which was initiated by iz. haha. i laughed my ass out.

the ting was, iz wanted to play singing competition. but the thing is, everyone is more of an english songs people. and their malay songs knowledge was very limited. so when iz suggested playing singing competition. dey all gave that bored look but still went on and told iz to sing first.so iz sang his malay songs and all which got achar and diniy a little annoyed so dey stand togther, and sang "WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY.MY FATHER TOOK ME INTO THE CITY TO SEE A MARCHING BAND..." which caused iz to shut up lar. iz switched on his hp sings which was in malay and achar switched on his which was in english. kns la.

den we all went to the beach. me, kak, diniy, achar, iz, kak ain. and kak siti & mama. papa,ngate, ngahtam, uncle, abg akee, cokme was alrdy dere. blablabla. diniy applied his tanning oil. and lie down and the other cousins was mat salleh sesat. hahaa. i applied by i ddnt lie down and on the towel and all.i appled for the sake of doing so. ddnt intend to bathe the sea water. coz it was like only 10 plus and the sun was soo scorching lar.den abg akee and iz tried to carry diniy into the sea but diniy slipped from their hands coz his oily! and dey chased me around twice btu to no avail. haha. den kak ain and kak decide to go into the water. which i did too! and diniy did so too! the water was oh so cooling man!den played monkey. haha. funny. i like.

den after awhile, i went to play the sand by myself. i dug a hole. den kak, diniy, iz wanted to carry me to throw into the sea. den i wasnt able to run coz i was caught off-guard u see. so i struggled like shit. i ddnt really rmmbr who was holding to my legs.but they got kicked so hard. i was like a possesed child coz i was swinging and struggling so badly dat even wen joined by achar, dye cant carry me for long. haha. it was soo funny.i saw a malay family laughing at the 4 gundus trying to carry and throw me into the sea. even the other family members was lauging like hyenas. haha.i was alrdy kicking the hands trying to touch my leg and all. which caused my leg to rub against the sands painfully. den alas,cokme came and help dem ,dat one also, my top part was lift higher,den my lkeg coz my leg was still wriggling and i was brought only, to the safer side of the water. dey ddnt manage to throw me. dey only manage to drop me at the water. funny. and dey were complaining of thir hands being kicked and it was ohsopainful, and so was my leg ok! it was red after dat.(: dey sae "adiks leg very strong." and i go "its not im strong.its u all weak."

oh so u all wants to knwo why im called adik with them? haha. bcoz i was the youngest granchild for 8 yrs until awin, rain, and mohd popped out(: but to this dae im still adik. even my parents still call me adik. and not angah. awin is not called adik. awin is awin.(:

aniwae, it was game time after dat. must pair up. with like own family. i paired with kak. kak ain with diniy. iz with achar. kak siti with abg akee. its like. starting point was in the water lar. den must take the water, without using bottles or cups and run towards this plastic cup and put the water inside it and the first pair of siblings who fill the cup wins. so i filled my mouth with so much seawater. even though it was simply disgusting, i did it for winsaek purposes. even kak ain too. haha. i filled so much water. must go turn by turn. must one person go first dey run back to the water den the other pair can go. haha. so i went first. haha. den run bck.kaks turn. den my turn den kaks turn. den we were declared the winner!

den got husband and wife turn. kns. mama with papa. ngahteh with ngahtam. titi noi with uncle nash. cokme alone since we dnno where cik murni was.(: but surprisingly, cokme won. he ddnt have to go twice.he came once and he made the cup overflow sia. kns. den we play chopstick tingee. like from a distance. den in 3's. im with diniy and achar. kak, with cokme and iz. my team won much to the disgusts of cokme. haha. i realise one thing. cokme is very competitve. but he alwaes win. (: haha. its funny. coz i realise the competitive genes dat i also have cums from dad. ahha. coz ngahte is competitve. so is tit noi. haha. like da like dat lar.(: competitive is ggod.but overly- competitive is a big no no lar. den we played captains ball. fun lar. and cokmes elbow bang onto my forehead.pain like shit. ngahtam pushed me just to get the ball lor. haha. kns. i had fun(:

den go back to the chalet. den we at the back of the chalet.bathe.me,kak, diniy and achar! fun like kns. haha. (: like shit. den we all eat. den also fun. den blablab. played badminton. ((: played this monkey again. haha. funny. den. got charade. me,kak and pa. abg akee, diniy and achar. dey won. (:

den i fall asleep. woke up got bbq. blablabla. dat was nearing to evening. and i see evryones face like baked potato! haha. dey were all red! and i wasnt. diniy was sun burnt! and haha. i realise i was the only one who wasnt tanned. and wasnt red. kns. wen im the one who badly wants to be tanned!(: den after eating the bbq foods. everyone played games! we played 007 BANG! caused lots of laughter! den played SUB SIP. funny also lar. den played "this is a game of concentration!" and blablabla. had so much laughs! den prize giving. den watch sepet and fall asleep. at midnight like dat, wake up. den my family go back(((: tired! reached home,. change and flop on the bed and sleep!
todae, woke up at noon. brushed teeth. den dad prepared baked bean!(: its been a lon time!(:
nicey! blablabalbalablaal. den here i am!(:

P.S fate lets us meet,but will dey let us be together?

i lost this feelings sumtime back.
and i learnt to feel that way again.
but, well,i dnno.
its not a need,its not a priority but .
oh,i just dnno.

DARLING,NUDGE ME AFTER U READ THIS.
THANKS BABE!

AND GO OVER TO DOLLIES BLOG!
ITS BEEN UPATED.
AND SUMTIME SOON, A POST GUYS BEHIND THE DOLLIES LIFE WILL BE UP DERE.
THANKS.

2007-02-17T23:39:00.000-08:00

"no fahmi! dats not the way u stir the pancake!" thought shafiqah
"yes shafiqah, u stir it like THIS" says fahmi.
"no!u pour the mixture. den u even it. den u wait!like dis. kns" -shafiqah
"so fahmi shorty!for not listeniong!u can go ncc.and u werent in the pic"

slcaked the whole dae. well,i went to gek poh mcd with mum just now. den i did my things and halkwae she went back.and i stayed on and did my scrapbook.it contains all the photos taken since last yr. and i did all of it. and while doing, many thoughts came into mind. wad mr yip saes over the week about me being too emotional and all. about winning the total defence ting. about valentines dae and all. about everything. and wen i keep pushing it out. and wen i finally cudnt at 10. i packed up. and walked home by the long route. and again, the thoughts came back.

i sat under my block. and thought hard.
what do i want from myself?
jus wad the fuck do i want dat i cudnt just simply let go of the past?
i hate myself for being too stubborn.
and for being too caught up on the past.
failing my last few tests,
is become more of an addiction.
after awhile it just isnt " i have tried so its ok to fail " anymore.
bcoz the whole werld noes i ddnt try my best.
i ddnt study for my test.
and yes joycelyn, u were ryte.
i was suppose to be working hard.
i was working hard only for the first few weeks.
and i have been getting lazier.
wen mr yip saes u are being too emotional.
i ddnt give much thought, until todae.
mae b i havent admit it or mae b i just hate to admit it,
i wanted to win during total defence as an e4-ian not as n3.
as much as i am proud of the class, ..forget it.
wen sumbody pointed out, "wah .all those get into finals all NA".
i smiled. but i knew it used to be different.
i use to have a whole class behind me.
i use to run a class.
i use to keep a class going.
i use to be to be so much more.
i use to be shafiqah,the class motivator,the class leader, the class girl to hate but love.
but i am just shafiqah now. shafiqah,that shafiqah girl.
and i dnno if i prefer it this way.with lesser responsibilities.
yes,i do prefer things this way. but perhaps because i was so use to things previusly.
fcuk off shafiqah.
its been 2 bloody months.
get on with life and start afresh.
let go of the past and move on.
go forward not drift backwards.
fcuk shafiqah fcuk.
u wanna fail again?
do i wanna fail again?
do i wanna fail again and see all the disappointed looks again?
do i wanna fail again and see and hear and face all those bloody smirks?
do i wanna fail again and hear teachers telling me what i could have been?
do i wanna be a failure all my life?
so wad happens then to all the things i wanted to do. ?
so wad happens to all my dreams and goals?
so wad happens wen eerybody is moving and im still so caught up?
fcuk shafiqah.fcuk.
shafiqah shuidnt go for tests knowing she will fail aniwae.
shafiqah shud go for tests knowing she will ace it.
but shafiqahs an idiot.a fcuking idiot.
wen i cried just now, i promised,i sowre ,i vow, dat it'd be the last.
i wont cry for this things anymore.
i dnno if i have been dumb or plain stupid.
wad i noe, the past is past.
im in na now.
i have accepted dat.
but i have never really said if i have let go.
i accpet the present but i ddnt let go of the past.
i am now.
it ok to miss everything before.
but its not ok to wan to go back.
no, i dnt wish to be in 4e4.
but i wish to relive 3e4.
for wadever excuse.
so shafiqah,
stop being so emotional and bloody well get on with things.
shafiqah noes very well,dat wadever she do for n3 its not her best.
beacuse i feel if i were to contribute too much,pple wud feel im taking over.
but im wrong.im part of the class. im expected to contribute.
things arent as bad so i shud start giving my best to the class.
& i have the feeling, 4n3 might make a history.(:
the class which pple dread coming into.
no spirit and no nth.
i have the feeling, it might be the best class yet.
as a first step, we won second for the competition.(:
so fcuk shafiqah if u arent moving on.
the whole world wont wait for you.
start moving and stop dwelling.

im gnna be ok.
just a random thought.
i promise.
this type of post on the past, will be the very last.

2007-02-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

im pathetically bored.i suppose i shall go and tudy at gek poh mcd alone later.(: hich will be very kns. but nvm. (: its ok one. die oso will die alone. chet. so inauspicious to be talking about dying on new yrs eve.

to all chinese, happy lunar new yr(:

mum wen to take my developed pics just now.(: nice ! i like! coz got a lot a lot of my face. in fcat got my fcae in every of the 52 pics developed.(: haha.

im gg to the chalet tml morning.(: i have to reach ecp by 9. i promised dat on kaks behalf. dat mins i'll have to wake up at 6??? bloody hell.on a sundae! real big kns.

and i tink i shud start advertising the dollies blog coz its rotten without the tags! and also rotitng bcoz no ones updating. and yes dayah mards and u all.we are using new blogger now. so pls.(: go see the vdae post aishah posted.(: and perhaps mae b i'll give u all a post on the guys behind the dollies life at dollies blog,(:

i SAID MAY BE OK?
dnt say i wan to do ok.? dnt put werds into my mouth.

and i just realise one thing.
beside yi xiang.i look like a mouse. he like giant.(: haha.he towers me like klcc towering us all.
haha. shut up.i told u im bored.

so why wont anyone believe me?

i love u oso lar!

2007-02-16T21:29:00.001-08:00

160207
i slept at 12 plus.INTENDED to wake up at 3 to study. for my combine sci focus test. but HA HA. i slept all the way till like 650. bloody hell. i contemplated on not gg to school. but wth.its fridae. i shudnt be absent. bcoz den,i'd have a long week end wads witht the upcoming hols. so i went. i wore my lenses in a rush . wen to bathe. gosh the water was so fcuking cold can! i shivered but who cares. i was in a rush. anihow wear my uniform. take money from kak.(((((: den part my hair. and rush out.put on my shoe but nvr wear socks(: haha. i was sure i was gnna take a cab u see. so ya. den. at the usual place where i wait for taxi, there was 2 person waiting for a cab.so i waited outside pioneer pri. bloody hell. there was no cab. i was like cursing already . my dear friend was asking me to stay positive. haha. and i was seriously contemplating on turning back and go home and take an MC for the day. but i dnno wad motivated me to keep gg and be patient and wait for a cab. time check was already 715. i was even more convince if dere was no cab in 10 mins, i wont go to school. i dnt mind reaching school at 725 to 730 coz im a council i'd have an advantage. den.a life saver. a cab was moving out of my house area dere.and i was so glad i hailed. nannynanny poopoo to the 2 persons waiting for the cab in front. I SAW THE CAB FIRST! haha. and hurriedly went inside and knock my head. kns. den wear my socks. den reach school. i thought first bell rang alrdy. kns.havent lar. den i wanted to pass by the HOD staffroom and climb the stairs up. and quickly go hall and find rubber band coz in my rush, if rogot to take my rubber band! so i was already slow jogging to the stairs. saw mr bala and immediately turn back. haha. and mr anuar was laughing at me. haha. kns.

after dat, i run up to the hall. den go find pple with rubber band. alas, santhea has one! good darling of mine! she accompany me tie my hair. my hair was so messy can. den after dat quickly go and keep my things. den i dnno where i go already. i go check for announcements. then i went to queue with the councils. den sang on steps. i was terribly pisssed but happy. coz i stand bside gena den we crapped. funny. den, sang den i ddnt go backstage after singing todae, i stand at the side with the rest of the councils. and rosniah locked her hands with mine and lean on me.kns her! (: den we were crapping.and i was finally haviing my smile finally. (: den we proceeded to the back of the hall. and so who cares about announcement book.(:

den go toilet.den sec 4na and 4t1 must stay back. den, listen to n lvl breifing. was boring. but i learned a little bit about n lvl.den. p.e. went down to return lat and dayah their respective pe shorts and shirts.den mdm ong gave me and zaima and syafiq 20 bucks swensons voucher to be spend coz mdm rudy liked our deco. which dsnt receive that much effort tho. den played badminton for awhile with fique. dne at 835. i studied my phys. till bell ring. den go back class for maths. next fri got maths test again. den blablabla. mt.went to change. i was in a cubicle with zaima wen i heard.

saliha: fidi,u inside is it?
no answer.
saliha:fidi u inside?
me:ya.
saliha:ohok.
then saliha talk talk with another gil.den after dat..
saliha:fidi u stomache? *noanswer* fidi?
me: ya.
saliha:u want me to wait for u?
me:no need.
haha. den zaima and n i was already laughing.silently.haha. funny lor. den we go out of the cubicle and saliha gave us a look. den saliha went out. den zaima and i laughed out loud. den go back class thru the windows,i saw fidi in class! and i was like "SIALLAH.FIDI IN CLASS LAR" den i laughed out loud and zaima told me to be cool.walked to our seats knowing saliha was giving us the ohbitches look. upon reahhing our seat i heard fidis laughter i turned and look and saw saliha looking. and i laughed.haha. dne saliha smiled and gave me thf inger which made me laugh harder den fidi was like "so,shafiqah.u represent me lar?" haha. den got sum presentations. which zaima and i escaped coz we asked safari included our name in their presenation .but wth.deir invention was same like ours wad. (:

den recess. nth much. lots of laugh ccoz aishah dnno how to play pool with ice.((: den after recess, english. mr lim gave those who acted ytd merci sweets. den told us to find info on health lessons. den while gg to my blog we were doing the health lessons thing den shafiq y wanted to like tell teacher dey were at sumwhere else.den zaima goes
ziama: eh.wehre can like dat.anihow sae.
me:yalar.anyhow accuse us of not doing our thing. his assuming u noe cher.which mins he is just making an ass out of himself.
den shafiq admit defeated by yala.den complained to azfar dat he was bullied by a smaller girl!

blabla.ss was ok.i wasnt sleepy! dne cme go library.blablabla. did sum studying and yes unit for current is AMPERE.(: hahah. den go canteen. and got sumbody nearly fall on fynas already limping leg.(: den i study pple eat den i eat pple study. blabla. test was shitty. still got half and hour i saw pple were alrdy sleeping.nearly half of the class.and zaima was done with hers. and i did my anyhow and went to sleep too.(: after test, played netball. blabalabalaa.lend one of the ball to izwandy and bloody hell he go and play at the field and den mr so like scold me like dat. sumhow, dis yr, i learned sumth, dnt fight back. just accept it as ur mistake and apologise. and look remorseful. and i noe it was partly my fault.i ddnt hold responsibility to the ball he loaned me. coz he trusted me. he ddnt sign my name for borrowing. he ddnt take my ezlink . so i shudnt btray his trust.(:

blabla.den DARLING was having gastics. blablabla. dne played shooting with yixiang. and too bad.i scored 9 and yi xiang scored 3 den miss den i scored till 17 den he still catching up.(: den louis also wan to challenge me. i score until 11 den his turn.dne he score 1 already den miss den my turn score until 20. haha. he lost!((: pathetic losers den wan chase me around.haha.

went back at around 6 plus. my frens left me waiting and mr zai and mr umar was being silly. dey thought my frens wont come back. but dey did.(: so went back.still get caught in the rain. den reach home. transferred photos in the memore card and went to develop photos.(: 52 pieces of it.kns. den. came back.blablabalabala.

slept at 1030.(: so early.

todae!
A LITTLE NOTE TO A VALUABLE PERSON IN MY LIFE, MY SISTER.

TO DEAREST KAK, HAPPY 17TH BDAE! U TURNED 17 TODAE,ON THE 17TH OF FEB(: BEST WISHES AND GOOD LUCK IN EVERYTHING YOU DO! I LOVE YOU AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL ALWAES BE HERE AND LOOKING UP AT YOU BELIEVING IN YOU.SUPPORTING YOU IN WADEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO. HAVING YOU AS MY SISTER IS REALLY A BLESSING. FOR YOU. (more of a blessing for you coz u have ME as your sister)
EVEN THOUGH U ARE THREATENING ME AT THIS VERY MOMENT THAT IF I DNT COME AND HAVE MY LUNCH CUM BREAKFAST WITH YOU, U ARE NNA MAKE SURE I CANT TYPE ANIMORE..I LOVE YOU.SO I HAVE TO MAKE THIS POST BRIEF. AND ITS ALL UR FAULT!

SO I LOVE YOU KAK!!!!!!

2007-02-15T23:42:00.000-08:00

i made the post on 13 feb so brief that i ddnt tell u wad actually happen on that dae.so i shall story2 to u all from 13 feb to todae?(:

130207
it was fruit day.told dad to buy honeydew for me but he bought rock melon. the whole fruit and is not cut. so he cut and i brought for dayah and zaima. funny. morning again, we were with our fruits. den.went backstage with joaan to call councillors go back of the hall with fruits mah.den, pass by suhaida otw back from the backstage, den she told me "shafiqah got announcement" i was initially laughing with joaan.den wen after knwoing got announceent,i look at suahaida and laugh so hard and walk away. den after all that dash backstage to put my fruit told suhaida i cannot make annoucement, i nvr even read the thing.den i say thank you for volunteering to help me.and go run down. and go sing at steps.while walking at the steps . turn and saw suahida she siganlled me dat she wasnt gnna make it.make me smile lar she. DEN BLABLABLA. din do announcement coz jes helped me!thanks babe! blabla.during maths, mr yip told me "u are still very emotional.or else,u will do really well". den malay, cikgu zubir got fcuked up. he lost his cool.he shouted at the class. andzaima and i was so fcuking shock can? its a ferst. and we were all brought down to parade square to do our work dere. kns. got alot of ants. den he gave us a few words to make sentence and he wanted easy easy one and one of the word was "aeroplane".my god.i was laughing so hard. and dne i a relief tcher i tink,so funny can. he like mr yap like dat. so slenger.i laughed out loud. haha. and mr zubir was like "shafiqah.nampak orng ajer ketawer " translation: see pple only laugh.i cannot help it lar. the tcher so funny.like cartoon. haha. den we sat at canteen to write. sta with mazni, yanee,zaima and liyana. funny lar.i keep bullying mazni. we nid to make a sentence on teguh (strong) den i wrote "cinta mazni dan yee ruen masih teguh walaupun telah dipisahkan oleh keluarga masing masing".which mins "mazni and yeeruens love was still strong even though they were separated by each others families." blabla. after school, i had to decorate the notice board.fique and zaima bought things at jp. den alas,i go dere find dem, to eat. den come back school raining mah. dne me and zaima bathe. saw zaima's apron of mondays use still in the toilet.haha. den go deco notice board.till 5 plus. den zaima go back. fique and i played badminton and netball.and badminton was taken to the streets.thats where i scored most of my points and fique lost.ahaha.and netball,fique made me run den he pass den i tried and score.den mr soh taught me how to shoot.(: blabla. reached home at 7.was so stressed up coz i was afraid my chocolate trufffles wont work out wan lar. so the moment i reach home,blabla.i started making it. by chopping it into pieces.haha. and stupid me,i forget to take it out of the fridge beforehand that it was so damn hard.den, cut, decides to do half first,just in case. den do half, den melt the chocolate,smell until so nice i high lar. den after dat, must add in the wad cream i oso forget. den add,stir and stir. den, must put in the fridge for 35 mins.put den bring out the thing already harden sia. i panicked! den put inside microwave. den the too melted until so melted,cannot hold its shape. kns. dne i stir and stir and stir and stir. still cannot hold shape but after awhile i noticed, the thing got a little firmer.so use another spoon to try and shape into the ball! wah can lor! i use so many spoons. den roll into ball, roll in cocoa powder, i took at least 10 mins to do the first one.haha. den i se the ball can be made into other shape.i flaten it with one spoon.den make into heart shape.(: nice dne after all of it. i fridged it again. dne i decided to dry. its ok.it atsets like chocolate lar durh. but i dnt like the cocoa powder. den while doing the another half.was so enthu lar doing.den form the corner of myeyes, i liek so sumth black2 den i turn and saw cockraoche.can fly summre!kns.i shouted mama. den the thing fly to the stove.dne i shouted mama again. dne the thing fly towards me i ran out of the kitchen shrieking MAMAAA.den from outside i cannot see the thing.i was worried for the chocs. den mama rush out of her room and was like asking wasd happen. den she go kitchen open the window and sae dnt have.so i mad awin accompany me in the kitchen. den i look around hil doing the thing quickly. den i saw,left the things and pushed awin so i escape FIRST.calling mama again. den mama sae the thing dnt have already.so i went back inside with awin, den awin saes "angah,i accompany u .i tell u if got cocokraoche" and i was like "ya.u tell me.i tell u u let me run first if not u die" so wen the thing reappear, she wanted to run her like was alrdy twitching.i psuh her until the chair she was initially standing at drop lar, den i ran out calling mama. haha. den 4th time mama accomapny me. den the thing have then mama flick her clothe den i run den mam became a murderer by killing the cockroach.haha. did my things and went to clean it all up. let awin and mama taste the thing. and they wanted more esp awin but i scolded instead. den decorated the tupperwares and louis nudged in msn saying he really got me sumth alrdy. coz during recess he told me i owe him sumth and its valentines dae tml.so i told him, if he get me sumth,i shall get him too. so i had to decorate another one for him too. finish all the decorating at 2 plus. fell asleep.woke up at 4. packed the chocs into the tpperware and leave it in the fridge. finish everyhting at 5. wen to sleep. woke up at 6. prepare go school. blabla.

den wen returning announcement book,mdm aishah gave me a heart shaped choolate which cause me to laugh all the wya to clas. azhar was an asshole, i re and acted if lets say girls give him present den how he react. den he was like "huh.u give me this only?" sumth like dat. ass. den in class. fique gave me roches. serene my buddy!put a tolerone on my table and i was like u really buy for me? gosh. i give u tml ok? den. mr yip suddenly sae dat im one of the 2 students whom he is sure will get dinstinction for maths in n lvls. ya ryte. i will tyr my best ok mr yip?(: went for early recess.dragged azhar to take my things.was so nervous lar.brought down my specs, contact lense casing.2 packets of tissues. bought drinks for all. and laid it out. zaima came down. blabla. mards nr come. wen zaima read her letter,i cried. but lenses nvr come out.phew. den, darling gave me chocs. the girls exchanged all the gifts.ziama roche.aisha make chocs!delicios lar! dayah,oreo and fyn nipple sucker sweet(: den a friend gave me a box of roches.(: den while doing duty at cybercafe. the councillors asked if i was ok.sat while doing duty. and dy calmed me down and i crid again. den went off. ddnt wan tot ake phys test. so go up slowly.recha class, 1115.no hope.nvr study at all. the class already starting.so started on my paper. convinced gonna flunk. normil passed me roches from louis.went off to change to drama.but we went for auditions first. for total defence. (: we parctised.and i like.i was the commentator.only 7 pple in. den wen for the audition(: made it thru. den went for drama.in AVA room. funny. we acted. and i was like suppose to fall on shahrul but i dnno wad happen dat wen i die,my head landed on sumth soft. den i tot got pillow then the pillow move den i realise it was rasuls butt! dne i laughed. den backstage crew laughing at me. blabla.second run.i was suppose to die on shahrul.i was shot at my chest.so wen i go out, my hand was on my chest like as though i was sho alrdy.haha. den wen rasul shot me.i dnno wad i do dne he was like "panata arh kau". blabla. den joycelyn funy.nvm.haha.den fyna passed me roches from another fren. den after drama, i ask zaima,dayah and fyna go back since dey gg out with their respective bfs. den wen i saw dem walk otu and sae gdbye once again, i felt a tinge of jealousy.but ti ddnt last for long.ahha. den, put the last tings at the total defence boticeboard. den fique went back.with ahem. den i talk to rashid. den i went back.alone. decided to go on to replace kak and ina at sci centre mcd for the celbration. and i hated the fact i ddnt noe wad to wear. after changing a lot of times. aisha reacvh my hse. i wen to fetch awin. got awin to bathe. aisha got awin ready.i dolled myself. and clean up a little while aishah dolled herself up. dne awin fall aslip.parents who wan to act young go johore and all say they recahing home. den dey come back me and aisha go back. aishah and i cabbed to sci centre at 8. the cabby thought we were gg clubbing.wtf. stupid cbby.

reach alrdy.
mcdworker:are u ina?
me:ya.im replacing her.
worker:*pointstoaishah* shes ur partner?
me:erm.haha.if dats wad u say,
worjer:u and ur partner can choose to sit inside or outisde.food will beseerved inawhiel.

i laughed..do i look like a fcuking lesbian to her? outside wascandlelight.we sat outside.and got rose and chocs.
worker: so shall i pass u the rose*looks at me*
coz she like dnno to pass to me or aishah coz we both girls ma.den aishah and i fought for the rose.ate.catch up.went back from mcd after taking polaroid pics. reached home at 11 plus. heres the pics.
aishah, i had loads of fun.thanks for coming with me.and rmmbr,if im lesbian and u are my partner, im the girl.(: i love u bitch.even though u called me dumbass for nth.(:

den todae! morning got pissed off.was hiding from suhaida.coz i saw her showing announcement book to ms ho.haha. at last no announcemetn. blabla.morning i got pissed with classmates who were unwilling to play a part yet wan to say the thing is boring.not entertaining. and eveyrhting. kns. dnt give excuses.coz its just reasons i can so live without. presented it to class.for the first time in the yr, i stand in fornt of a class and presented sumths. was so bloody nervous.

den had so much laugh while doing a hat for the nurse. after recess, did survey den move to the hall.den i was so nervous. preliminary rounds. i talked too fats.i MISLOOK my lines.but it was ok. den blabla.we made it to the finals,tgt with 5n1,5n2 and 4n1. btw,4e4, urs was funny! and why the heck was yee ruen wearing last yrs class tee? he makes it look so ugly.(: and rmmbr e4ians,if u guys are being sad or down for not winning or wadever, just know u've tried ur best.wads gain is the spirit and team effort. i like.u guys worked tgt.without me.(: and im happy for u guys(: 4n3 made it to the finals.happyy! second class to present.dis tyme i was calm. not nervous to the wholw school.saw mr bala form the rostrum. and i saw him smiling at me. (: den, blabla.we sat waiting for the result.we held hands.sat in circle. i got high.i mimed with gun.made a foll out of myself but its ok,i was nervous. haha.plan wad to do wen we win. we plan go onstage everybody after shakin hand den curtsey.(: haha. funny. we won SECOND! was elated!jumped for joy! blabla.

i was happy we won.won for the class not those unwilling classmates though(: im contented.wentfor phys extra lesson. miraculously, i passed my test.haha. and borroweed pe shirt form dayah and pe short from latt!(: after test,play netball. with elis,aini and azizah.den dey go back.rain.i play alone.blabla. darling kissed me at my cheeks!(: fun.

i started eating my chocs todae.due to the constant saying, by kak and mum dat i selfish dnt wan to share.i gave dem 3 roches each. still ask more.coz u see, i got at least 30 over pieces of roches.so yah. dats why. so. i havent open my box of roche. i like all my chocs. eting it slowly even though im sure i'll get tootache soon! lols. this yrs poll, roche top lar.(:

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!

haha.gtg.

AND I WANT A RED ROSE!

2007-02-14T01:57:00.000-08:00

as promised,heres my valentines post(:

LOVE.
loving u guys, have made an unusual impact in my life.
ferst,HAPPY VALENTINES DAY(:
today, will be our last yr, celbrating it in the school canteen as students.
todae , just now, at the school canteen,during recess, marked the 4th and final yr we were gonna hold the tradition.
the tradition of exchanging gifts, at the canteen, at the usual table, the usual 6 being present, and all the usual laughters.it was a real sad moment that mard was down with fever todae.and wasnt present on our last valentine in school. dnt werie mards, u werent there physically but u were with us mentally and emotionally. really.wen i buy drinks for everyone during my early recess,i bout one for u too knowing u were absent. wen i laid the table , we laid urs out too. we ddnt seat at ur spot. (:

it doesnt matter if u guys love taking ridiculously hideous and hilarious photos of urself,coz,i'll still love you.
it dsnt matter if u guys dnno how to do the household chores,coz we are all here to teach and guide.(:
furthermore, we can survive with coke, && instant noodles! chet.

it dsnt matter that u guys love to pretnd to be studying so damn hard,wen all we noe is u guys were merely and simply posing for the camera.(:

it doesnt matter if u guys looks so horrible,

coz my love for u guys, is not based on the outer layer.(:

it dsnt matter if u guys decides to have tatoo or be a dishwasher or a cook,

coz i love u so.(:

being with u guys alwaes have sumth and loads loads to laugh about.

coz, the we have fn,wen we have fun, we forget our troubles.(:

i will nvr let u guys walk alone.like the way u guys wont let me walk alone.coz i'd be there walking bside.(:

enjoy the rest of the potos urself ok?(:

thanks for the memories.thanks for the fights.thanks for the laughters. thanks for the understandings. thanks for the support. thanks for the motivations.thanks for the confidence. i love u guys.

this love of mine for u guys, it has no end.(:

i noe i promised a different type of post.but heres all i can give ryte now.

to zaimah&adam , dayah&fyfee and fynn&saddam.(:

have fun on u guys day out!(: eternal bliss ya?(:

take care.

to aishah:-

we will have a kicking splendid time at our own pace.(:

i love u!(:

take care!

to zaima:-

hell no i dnt wan to go out with him ok!

dnt put words into my mouth!hahaha.(:

i love u!

to mards!

get well girl.all ur vdae gifts from dollies with me!i refrigerate for u and give tml ok?

i love u!

to dayah:-

i love u lar!thanks for making the dollies book!(:

to fyna:-

yes yes.we get it. amin.(: haha.i love u too!

alrite.im late.i gtg.im babysitting awin todae.like wtf?

will tell later!bye!(:

2007-02-14T01:09:00.000-08:00

i'll make this post brief. i have the vdae post./and its also late.and i still have loads to do.
school was fine.fruit dae was ok. and i ran away from announcement. was told deres announcement and i just walk away laughing.haha.

class oso ok.
i failed bio test.i got 12 over 30. dere were only 4 passes.im happy though. coz its the first i scored that well for bio. bio has alwaes me with one digit marks.and crappy answers.though not as crappy as fiques.haha.

after school, went to meet ms wong while fique and zaima go jp to buy the noticeboard tings. den i waet.den dey msg me syaing dey gg to eat. den i went dere.blabla. ate.bought chocs. and back to school. zaima and i bathe again.coz hair was wet.and guess wad? zaima ddnt bring home her apron ytd.haha.

decorate the noticeboard from 4 to 5 plus. den fique and i played netball and badminton. den mr so ask me why i have been playing netball and shooting and all.and he taught me how to shoot without the ball resting on the palms. blabal.

home.made the choc truffles.yummy!

ya.dats it. coming up dollies post.(:

2007-02-12T21:48:00.000-08:00

well i woke up earlier. 6 minutes to my late wake up but i woke up earlier. put on my lenses. bathe hot water! wow! i like! make me fresh.like CRAZY! den. took my bloody own sweet time. && put on my name tag and badge.took more den 10 mins to do dat.&& i still tot i was in time and still not late yet. so i decide to hairdry my hair too. so i did. hairdry && hairdry.and i look out of the window.&& i got the shock of the day. its bright already lar! it was 7!!! bloody hell. put on my uniform. and rush around the room.to take my watch. to take my ezlink. to take my hp. to take my wallet. to take my clip. den wen to parents room salam-ed. and took money from dad and go out. accidentally slammed the door! huahua. not to mention my uniform werent tucked out properly lar. while walking to the bus stop i saw 3 buses pass! yes 3! must be the same drivers like that time lar! kns. i knew i was gnna be soo late. so i hailed a cab.(:

and i wen to school by cab. tried catching my babes while i was in the cab. but zaima and fyn both ddnt answer. so i replied sum msges and showeed the way to school(: idiot. i walked into school and i heard a loud screeching "SHAFIQAH!!" it was allan shortie!(: so wen to the back of the hall. wen to take announcement book. dragged santhea to accompany me.huahaua. and after dat drag her to send me up to the back of the hall. haha.(: i hired a persoanl assisstant!=X i love u santhea!(:

den no announcements! was soo happy can! den rashid accomapny me to bookshop buy plasters. my soles was ohsopainful can. den went up. and saw those file people,afiq and atiqah having trouble.coz got a lot of class list nid to be put inside.so me being a very gd councillor dat i am decides to help.(: dey kamchiong until file drop twice! and i picked up twice!=X den go backstage. to put my plasters. dne i heard mr gopal say got lost and found. i quickly put my plaster and go out. huahua. i told u i was gnna run away.(: den sang at stage. den i go backstage. den colin was being sweet as alwaes.he alwaes held the door for me.(: den came in only suhaida showed me the stupid green apple which was lost and found. i was like "dnnid lar.its just an apple. dnnid to make lar." den i sat down. on the fan and wow i cooled down.

u see i was perspiring like hell. with my long shirt being long sleeved. haha.(: den i took the announcement and wait at the railings. school ends at 1135 on wed.BORING. so wad am i suppose to do on that day????and i heard suahida making the announcement on lost and found. and i cant helkp but smile(: haha. funny.told her not to make that announcement. den walk back to the back of the hall. took the things and return the announcement book. den, saw my juniors! haha. as in theses 2 girls i made frens with during their orientation carrying newspapers lar. so see dem carry pitiful. so i helped and forced azhar to help.so we helped. and i needed help myself. the papers were heavy lars.i min if its heavy for me how was it for dem ryte?((:

den class.i start being gila.coz i was perspiring!like crazy.(: den my buddy gave me and zaima rocher! den physics. got alot alot of must miss speeches lar. den zaima showed me the letter shes gnna read to us on valentines day. and i broke down.a little. bloody hell. she was like "dnt cry.i shudnt have showed u lar" and to make myself feel bttr i saed "remind me to bring my specs on wed" ok shit.im controlling my own tears now. and to even make myself feel bttr i saed "im gg cyber.so my leeter is online(:"

on valentines day,dere will be a post on us. (: just waet for it lar. this post is called 'THE GUYS BEHIND THE DOLLIES LIFE' there will be special appearances and some pictures dat was not to be seen.(: well, to promote it even further.have u seen a ..haha.just catch my blog on valentines day(:

den azhar gave us 2 kisses.2 cadburies. den ziama and i ate our chocs slowly.den closing ceremony was maths wen we took our rocher.(: haha. den my buddy gave me and ziama and another rocher!(: and we opened and waet until so long to eat coz we wan to take picture den mr yip dnt seem to be looking away(: so at last we ate and we burst out laughing.haha.even kar poh yixiang and serene too! haha. went for council early recess.
wad was i bloody hell tinking?
it'll nvr be that wae.

so went canteen.blabla.thought of doing the emceeing.den realise i must go out twice.changed my mind.(: den queued at steps.(: and crap. coz gena standing beside me lar. den she ahem ahem until so loud. dne i copied her. den we saw mr balas butt in need of cashswiping! lol. i was like "oh gosh.look. look at mr bals butt!" and gena "and his still acts like normal. not uncomfortable meh?" and i go "of course not! i suppose its g-strings his wearing!" and the other councillors turned and look at me and gena coz we wud have burst out laughing. haha. dne mr bala walk nearer to us.and he stop and turn and we were like "ey.he think he model arh." haha. den got the guys relief teachers enter. haha. dey look like the typical high school joCKS that everyone love to hate and hate to love. haha. laughed to myself at that thought.if dey are student at our school, dey'll set a standard so high dat none of those supposedly hotshots in jwss can come close to lar. and den we had to start singing. and the whole school sang so loudly.dat i wanted to laugh.bcoz i prefer it soft and in tune den loud and out of tune. now we all know why its raining heavily today right? and i endured my laughter lar.coz gena was also gg to laugh.haha. i was already smiling. haha. i saw aishah up at the gallery already smiling. and i saw yee ruen. and it tickles me even more! wen we had to sing the second time. i tuned out.coz i cudnt focus on the singing. but the secnd time singing was excellent(:

den go back of the hall. den sit. den.watch the presentation on thailand. den azhar funny lar! azhar, u sure brought dramas name up!(: im proud of u guys lar! i was laughing like crazy with rosniah. haha. dumbasses. and nowhere to be clapped i clapped and was like "jesline dnt clap lar". den wen jesline talked to me and rosniah i go "who talk to u?oklaroklar.i dnt bully u.".

den pc.den fnn. at library. searched a lot of cook books. den i came across chocolate truffles.(: dads getting me the ingredients todae and if it turns out nice, i shall give it away during valentine dae itself(: its made from the heart.(: most prob lar.if not nice den i eat myself(:

lets see how many i have to give away:-
1)5 dolls
2)DARLING!(she kissed my cheeks on fri twice!(: haha.)
3)aini&elis
4)kak.

gosh!pple will tink im a lesbian sia.anybody want one from me?(: i cant be that. erm..nvm. haha. its ok.valentines day is not only a day for couples to celebrate,its for bestfriends too!(: well, thank you for realising im trying to make myself feel bttr.

its been 4 bloody months.
it shud be the first valentine for me & him.
but well,things change.
things dont go as planned.
and i nvr regret any of my move so far(:
but,im contented enough to have my loved ones by my side(:

then after school.rushed to jp with zaima getting cheddar cheese for fnn. fnn rocks big time.(: we cooked macaroni cheese, pancake and made fruit juice. pancake the batter good coz i was the one who mixed it! haha. macoroni cheese also good coz zaima and i made!(: and fruit juice was awesome. i ate more den helped odae. whle waiting for sumths to boil, i ddnt wash the dirty utensils, i rata the cheese. haha.(: blablabla. after cooking and everything. we ate the pancakes. oh oh! anwar ur pancake tastes nice coz i flipped it for you ok?(: den we eating we pandai2 put butter. den i go "cher, got honey?or maple syrup?" den cher ask me go chekc at the fridge. i found starwberry jam!(: den we ate. haha. funny. we finsished the whole bottle of strawberry jam(:

den, went canteen.wen toilet. zaima saes " hot lar.bathe wan?" and i laughed.and i jokingly asked "and we use our aprons to wipe?" and she saed ya.OMG>she was serious.really. and we went to the toilet and entered the cubicle.and i was like for real? and she took out her belt.and i was laughing the whole time. bathe lar. dne use apron wipe.kns. den got pple off the light .bloody hell. den i quickly put uniform and wen to on the light.kns. i curse those pple who off the lights, u will see pontianak in ur sleep lar. den wait coz raining.(: at about 5 go back i tink. coz drizzling.

kak fetched me at bus stop.but i had to wait! den while walking she put her umbrealla at me. den i waet. so i put mine at hers. den she pus at my back lar. den insnatched her umbrella and ran with my heels to under my block so she will be wet!(: we under the block play water.haha. sumhow. dne go up. blablablablabla. and here i am.

its all this little tings i do,
i do it for u.
its all this tings i wan you to be proud of.
i cant help but fall for you.
i tried to forget but i cudnt.
pls,show me the way.
i love you.i really really do.
im not lying.
i love you,like crazy.

ok lar! I LOVE YOU lars.

so on wed,wen everybodys out.im alone. looks like im left out dis yr. looks like i have no plans. looks like im gnna be ..well just me. no phone calls at night. no nothing.
me my computer. my hp.my mp4. shall go to bed being blessed coz at least i wont be tired for school on thurs.erm.its no big deal ryte?is it?

well wadever.its just like any other day(:

CLEARING UP.

2007-02-11T23:58:00.000-08:00

NO,MR ZAI DNT ALWAES ASKS IF IM IN LOVE.
HE ONLY ASKED IF I WAS IN LOVE TODAY
ONLY AFTER READING THOSE TWO SHORT PARAS.
WHICH WAS IN WHITE AND WHICH WAS NOT TO BE SEEN(:

SO IM JUST TELLING BCOZ SUM1 COMPLAINS THAT I MAKE IT SOUND AS THOUGH HE ALWAES ASK LIKE DAT.(:

SOI YAH!(:

HAHA.

GOOD NIGHT!

AND I MISS YOU!

SISTERS

2007-02-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

kak and i wanted to create a blog for the 2 of us. which im sure will be very much more regularly updated by me!(: but we intended on ataleof2sisters.blogspot.com..but its already up.wen i went to the persons blog, its like the 2 peron like nvr update for soo long already lar.kns. so imtinking of blog urls.

1) justsisters-.blogspot.com
2) sacredlove-.blogspot.com
3) mysistermybestfriend.blogspot.com
4) ilovemysister.blogspot.com
5) lameshitsisters.blogspot.com
6) shafiqahsprettymayanot.blogspot.com
7) saharsdaughters.blogspot.com
8) andwewhisperoursercrets.blogspot.com
9) shafiqahmaya.blogspot.com

& it gets crappier.& crappier.& crappier. haha. any suggestions? (:

done my fnn. done updating frenster. done uploading pictures.

lets see.
i finish a pack of crackers.
i drank alot alot of water.
i ate lots of sweets.
so if my stomach protrudes out tml,dnt ask why.(: *winks*

tml,is the beginning of a week of my doing announcements. *rolls on the floor laughing* we shall see.(: suhaida....wud u mind if i do tmls emceeings and u do the whole of announcements?((: haha.i love u lar suhaida alo alot.((:

&i wud like to make 1 thing clear.esp to MR ZAI.
no,im not in love.haha.
just because i typed out those things and posted them,doesnt min i min dem.(:
i like to post things like dat wen im bored.
like today!(:
so mr zai,dnt miss interpret it(:
thank you!(:

*groans* high heels again!

but i look forward to school!!!

again.

2007-02-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

nth much today. dnt tink anything would happen.dnt tink will do anything fun or interesting.bcoz why? mum and awin are at mami's hse.dad went to go where i dnno. kak,went off to work. and im here alone. doing my fnn. its gnna be so freaking boring. i have nothing interesting to be doing. my arms cramp from the badminton.

zaima & dayah went out. aishah i dnno. fyna is all the way living in woodlands. mards.i oso dnno. perhaps do reading later. if not i watch myself on emd again,and see al the crappy mistakes. and be shy all over again. or i go practise maths. after dat fridaes paper, i totally hate maths lar. not hate like see the book, den like very.aiyah,nvm lar.hate oso still must do.(:

sunday.veyr boring.mundane.wadever u call it. i hate it .

i miss you.
like crazy.
you make me smile.
pls know that.
you make me feel like as though,
theres nth i cudnt overcome.
you make me fel like i could speread my wings
& FLY! xD

so tell me, new blogger, how reliable are you as u claim you are? well,wadever it is, i hope u dont grunt. (:

. <3 .

2007-02-11T01:58:00.000-08:00

soo mnay things to say.
lets just go back to basics.
falling in love in the month of love.

how great.
i have afriad to fall in love.
now that i do,im afraid of what he might think.

i love you.
i really do.
it grow deeper each day.
u always bring a smile.
u alwaes make me feel gdd about myself.
the thought of u keeps spurring me on.
i cant tell you all that
i cant and i wont.
loving u in silence is hard.
but to ask for more is just really too much.
thats why im contented with just this.
boy,u make me crazy.
u blow my mind away honey.
<3>

take care lars.

2007-02-10T23:56:00.000-08:00

first,thanks fique for the help(s).
&& before i say aniting about anything. i tell u wad i do todae ferst?
morning.went to school.reached school at 9. chet.(: get on to a little of work. text fique to ask him get vancartsheets but he came with mcds breakfast instd coz bookshop not opened(: after cutting outside the girls toilet at level 2. on the floor. and me crapping with pple s hair. singing my own song. "hello.my name is ******.i like to stare.coz i have dog ears for my hair! wen i run, the wind blow,and only the hairs at my side sway. " and zaima will just go "shut up shafiqah." and we laugh. stupid song.for girls who dnno how to smile wen pple smile at them.nvm.i understand.she got bad hair months. (: im not being evil,im just being polite.(:

took 2 netball balls and 2 rackets from pe room. go up and return key to mdm ong. den went down saw mr gopal.smile. den he called me and he sae he can call me 3 things. "pendek. nak. shafiqah" haha.very funny.call me pendek lar in front of the whole school. i wud walk away.
after dat, after taking the breakfast.me fique and zaima,plyed netball and badminton.zaima and fique challenge badminton. i play netball. den after dat ZAIMA WON FIQUE. den i versus syafiq. den i keep scoring ryte so i say we just pass like normal lar. den after dat the ball keep falling at his side lar. and i saed " eh.if we play match.u sure lose so bad already sia" blbla. we agreed on a rematch.up to 15 points. and hell i won.15-14.(:
fique,i guess i have beaten the "unbeatable champion"?

blablabla.zaima and i have cancel our initial plan to head for the pool.oh we switch it on coz the sun was scorching.weather was gd. we both had no mud for fnn. so we went. went back first. got our stuffs. blabla. went to je.nvr do lap swimming. after 1 round of lazy river we were like "ey.dark already.?" haha. 4 rounds and we went up. went to kfc.hahaha. got radiah. (: bought stuffs.went back down. ate. and we sat down dere relax. i fall aslip and zaima was doin nth.haha. at 5. we went off. of course,there was no banglas todae. but i also ddnt expect to see soo many of my ex-boyfriends there lar. all those cute angmohs. yes yes. all those were once my boyfriends.. (: haha.

walk to her bus stop dere.while walking at the traffic light.i saw a lorry of banglas.haha. wanted to take a picture and we 2 got so excited lar.haha.but nvr get.kns. but at the swimming pool too, we saw lots of yucky disgusting stuffs protruding out. i had to look awae in disgust.eew. pls lar, cover it up lor. gosh. i tink perhaps i shud cut it to make it smaller so it wont be as disgusting. perhpas so. den zaima got prank called again. but this time we were the ones who irritated the prank callers.
them:oinkoink.
me&her: ey. same lar.i thought a pig called!
them:oinkoink.
me&her:louderlouder.too soft.walau.u all got talent lar.
them:meowmeow.oinkoink.pukimak(mums vagina) arh cb.
me&her:why u wan to see my mums is it?gosh.u must be desperate.
them:krngajarsial(insolent sial)

at last they hang up. they read my blog coz meow meow is the new word. 94837882. zaima and i nearly went to the police just now.all to lodge a report on this. but we changed our minds. omg. dey must be so damn attracted to us dat dey have like gather pple and say together the now famous oinkoink's. although theres a clear resemblace of them like a pig.im sure, pigs wud be so embarrased to be alive if they knew this bunch of hooligans were imitating them. but well, cant blame those guys. grunting like a pig is really,really wad dey do best. bt well,as humans with way more capabilities den dat, we can only support dem in their special talent. tsk tsk. i really symphatise dem. already got a lame boring life, all dey can doo all day is grunt. sad for dem ryte? ish. sighs.

den reach home.blabla.

my now blog song like a rose. yes yes dat dear sum1,im a rose nto a thorn.like u. huahua.(:
this song is dedicated to 2 person. esp this person,MY SISTER.

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so
I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

to my sister:-
http://tishalg.imeem.com/music/C9j02SdY/someones_watching_over_me/
listen to dat song and tell it to urself.
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark
I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams
It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart
tell all that to urself kak. i know.and eveyr one else knwos u have tried ur best.we will support u in all the decisions u are gnna make. wipe away ur tears.dnt pretend u are fine. dnt pretend u are alright.coz i noe u arent.i grew up with u kak. i grew up with u not wanting to leave my side. i grew knowing i was embarassed to have u for my sister. for u noe and i noe reasons ryte? (: but now,im truly and very honored to have u as my sister. im here for u. anytime u need a listening ear.just bcoz im younger, dsnt mean i wont understand wad u are toking about. stop tinking u are a failure coz u havent fail.kak.but if u still wan to tink u are den whoever invented that lightbulb. either albert einstein or wadever,it took him a long long time before he finally did it. he kips on trying after failing a lot alot of times.and u will do just dat. imagine lar kak,if dat person dnt kip trying,mae b we are still living in cave time tau.(: so kak,stop dwelling on wads done,and face wadever to cum. i have promised to be here,and i will(: wen one door closes,another will open.so stop looking at the closed door and move on with the open one!(: cheer up.(:

gosh.every day pass will min the lesser the time is left to see u.<3

and again.

2007-02-10T00:42:00.000-08:00

im done with my total defence research.and here i am typing away on my post. and here i am still being tired on all the netball and badminton. and here i am still actually being pissed with my maths.and here i am being lectured by dad.again.

he:wad do u have school for tml?
me:to decorate the total defence notice board
he:for wad?
me:teacher ask to do.
he: other students dnnid.den u must do.
me:den why?
he:bcoz u are already in sec 4 . shud cut down in ur activities.

indirectly wad he said "u wan to turn out like last yr?wehre ur results so bad?bocz u have so many activities?"

i have enough of it lar.im already moving on.stop reminding me on the things i used to do. get over it. cant u see im already trying? cant u see i have already enough pressure? i dnnid u to add on lar oks. of course u dnno, i have been passing most of my tests. of coz none of u at home noes i pass.except kak who reads my blog. there is no need to be telling.wads the point? if u believe in me, stop it. stop telling me all those things im getting away from.

bcoz all u are actually doing is making me miss all those things i used to do. hell of course i miss emceeings.i mis gg on stage and running a show and fel the satisfaction after it.i miss a lot of things. but im trying to get on. dnt bring me down already. deres a lotof things i still wan to do but im not already. so pls.for gdness sake, just let me be. i dropped,but im working hard.

im dnt take wad he saed to heart.but i am bothered. it is spurring me on but bringing me down altogether. wad he saes gave me an even striing determination but its also a slap of sarcasm across my face.

pls,just.just shut up.sit down and watch.

dear dad,u dnno how much ur daughter have grown. u dnno usthow much effort ur daughther is putting in. u dnno how much this daughter of urs is trying to make u proud. to make mum proud. to make the family proud. u dnno that this daughter of urs have a lot and a lot of shit on her plate. u dnno shes having a lot of trouble but she pretends every things fine. bcoz she knows too, u have a lot on ur plate too. she knows too mum tired. u dnno shes very down a lot of times. u dnno dat she suffered from bad migraines . wen she told u, all u said was she plays too much computer and stay up till so late to play the computer so thats why she gets migraine. ur daughter is not craving for attention from u but all she wants, is for you to stop and think, have u really really been dere for her? have u really really told her the advises? dad, ur daughter wants u to noe, apart from providing the materials, there's still more. pls noe, that threatening dnt work. u tried once rmmbr?u tried to threatedn her last year,rmmbr?wen u said u'd call the school to not let her emcee? she was surprised u say dat. dad, sum werds dats said pierce the heart, and take awhile to heal. sumtimes,wen u scold, i find it unreasonable.dats why i'd go away to makngahs. not because i was showing an attitude or because i showing my temper. no,because, i cannot see ur face.coz wad u say still apparently hurts. dad, this aughter of urs, hides too much, just dnt assume shes ok,coz u are actually making an ass out urself?..

just.just let it be.

FRIDAY.

2007-02-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

i dnt sleep after switching on the heater todae! good for me(: but i was still at my wake up late time wen i was about to enter the bathroom. coz the stupid lenses was giving me pain. blearghs.so i had to remove and rewear. urghs. not painful. den go bathe. anw,i felt fresher todae. dnno why(: blabla. wen to school. sat outside the hall while watching the pple do duty. like kns. i no duty,i was FREE! den i was reading and got stomache. exactly at a time wen rashid cum sitting in front of me. rashid u suay lar!=D just joking(: haha. den went backstage got lost and found.suay oso lar.and i was like "im doing whoel of next week rmmbr?" haha.and b4 gg off,shannon ask me blablabla.den walk to the back of the hall. den kept my things den the councillors walking already. ended up last few. and joycelyn was telling me things and santhea was like "shut up shafiqah" laughed. and was still practically laughing wen gg up on stage. dorothy lars. act like she dnno me.kns.(:

den on stage while waiting for the "ceremony" to begin.hah. jesline suddenly said loudly. "shut up lar" meng si was on my left.beside meng si was jes lar. and i cant help but turn my head towards her. how can she talk.so loud summore hor jes hor? and wen i turn i saw meng si smiling oh-so widely. and i wanted to laugh too! but i controlled. den national anthem.after dat shannon said senang diri and got 1 boy jumped and sit!kns lar.i saw and i was like wth. den we had to sing and say the pledge again and again dere was jesline voice gg "sing louyder arh u all" and the school sang loudly!(:

den blablabla. p.e.no need to run. zaima and i was the only girls who dnt have to run 2.4.so we and a fgew others stayed in the hall. played badminton with fique. (: blablabla. zaima and i stop playing den we sit at the steps and watch our classmates.and there many guys and i was like "are we the only girls here?".."ohoh.we are"said zaima. and i go "OMG.i just realised dat"

den.free period for maths. mr zai relived us! serene was like "ey.mr handsome" and i was like "OMG buddy.did u just sae dat?".yes,serenes my budy as in for buddy system. haha. gret.den go change. den mr zai do the maths qns on the board.and zaima and i was staring.i ddnt noe she was,den i look and she was staring.and we eye contact and we laugh.
me:i cant believed we just stared.
her: hha.i was staring to see wad he was doing.
me:haha.dats why.i nvr even read the qn.and his already at the graph.
her:ya,like his the student and we are the teacher.

den mt. go library. den read book. den recess. funny. den after recess was holding on to my hp and zaimas. den saw ms nazira outised one of the class. den meng si and i made a strategy to catch her attention. den wan to wave.den she saw she go and turn. haah. ms nazira, we noe u saw us waving,(: pretty lar she.both she and ms jannah!(:
den nvr catch pple. bloody hell. i will catch those bloody pple who keeps saying oinkoink ting lar.kns.dnt make me cut ur toot ok. den want to go back class den pass by felicia den help her keep her hp too. OMG. den, english go library.heard we had to do the skit. gosh.i was pissed.there was n way i was gnna do the skit.. debated with mr lim in the library. and obviously i won. he had pple to brainstorm.but the thing is there is no point he asked my group wad to do still. i will contribute but i am saying "IM NOT PERFORMING NO MATTER WAD" pls,dnt make me do it.i cant and i wont. den..ss. den blablabla. den cme. went library. they watching high school musical. it was starting to get on mynerves. enough of awin playing th cd all over again.enough of seeing the book around at hse and enough seeing the advertisement on disney channel. recapped maths.

after school, did the favour i was still teased for since ytd. kns. yes yes, u are the one with the problem. INSTITUE OF MENTAL HEALTH FOR YOU? hahah. *winks*

after school. aishah and i send fyna outside school. and no no. have YOU seen your doctor? den went back inside school.blabla.pengs and atiqah tried to strip m in the toilet lar. kns u two! wen reading chatted with CHARIS JUNIOR.(: ferst time chat with her until so intimate. haha. learn so much. talk a lot.

den i went for my focus test. den stupid teacher.how lucky for us. den, paper sucks like shit lar. i dnno how i cocked it up. i did till the last minute. even mr yap,wasnt amusing at all. i was fcuked up lar.stupid paper. i hate it lars. den wen to canteen and cursing all the way. den reach canteen. must wait for mdm ong till 4.if she dnt have den can go back . we need to discuss on how to decorate the humanities notice board for total defence. she dnt have.zaima and dayah went back. fyna came down.aishah stayed too. i was furios. borrowed netball balls. and change. accompany aishah to staff room. den play netball. fyna scold me coz i play until so bad.nvr score goals at all. i was just furious lar.

how cud i have cocked up my maths paper. i screwed up. i shud have past. bloody hell.idiot lar.played alone.gained back my focus. den after awhile.mdm ong came back.we discuss. den bookshop close cannot buy things to do the notice board. den i cont with netball.

stupid pple with no respect.lend them ball.dey took over and took charge. idiot.and wen we took our ball back. dey werent hapy.please have ur manners u bloody idiots.before i cut ur toot too(:
play.play.play.605 go home. blablabla.left my file in school.text pple. go home.

den nth much.im still pretty bummed about my maths.
hey,its a first.really.i can nvr really be bothered with maths.even if i was after half an hour after the paper ended ,i'll be laughing my ass out. haha. but i dnno.i felt dat i shudnt have screwed up. well wadever. i'll try my best again(:

school tml.8 am.gosh.cant sleep in.

p.s i love you.

2007-02-08T23:54:00.000-08:00

ferstly,to my "BELOVED" kak!:-
for a period of time last yr, i saw u locked urself unp in the room and all u did was study.i thought it was stupid to be studying all day. to be doing work and to be thinking all the time.
i thought it was freakkingly painful to be doing 10 yr series given by atok every night. and wen to school early in the morning. for once,i thought u wre acting like typical smartypants. den u started giving up outings to study. u started not turning up for celebrations to study. u started missing hell loads of fun to be doing this thing which i find irritatingly boring which is study. u woke up in the morning eveyr sundae, for the fact u'll sleep late on staurday nights watching cd;s with me just to attend tuition. u ddnt change ur tutition time to later, but u made do with it. and wen u got ur o lvls malay result, i was proud of u coz u proved to us all that all ur efforts have paid off, with an A1 distintion.im proud of u. u have studied hard and u have definitely given ur all. im sure ur results tml wont be a disppointment. u'll bring home gd results like u have alwaes done.u'll make us all proud like u alwaes do. u will give us all suspense by switching off ur fon. and appear at the door step with a MUST-BE-PROUD results in hand! im sure, everything will turn out fine tml! and evn if it dsnt, we all know u have tried ur best. thats wad matters. its the ffort kak, not the end result(:

school was fine. i woke up 10 mins earlier den my wake up late time. aha.got ready and all. and while hair drying my hair. fynn called to ask if i want her to fetch me.coz she took cab u see. and i was like i havent tie my hair u noe. nvm later in school can tie. and i was like okok. and omb down the hair. threw on the pinafore.carried bag and run out. where shoes anihow.and went to the meeting place. den hopped on the cab and reach school by 7.OMG. its so early can.usually 7 i just reach intrchange.had breakfast.and i have stomaches after dat.kns. den sta at backstage the pain was excruciating. den, got announcements. and i wa slike "suhaida,u do lar.nxt week i do for the whole week" haha. wen i told zaima dat in class.i burst out laughing. coz we all noe for sure i wont make announcements.haha.we all noe what excuses i can think about is gnna be valid.

sang on steps.and i sang with my eyes up lar.after 2 daes of having it down. and the school sang it loudly todae!*claps* den blabla.intended to return the announcement book because of a favour. but blearghs. i ddnt do the favour. and i was walking fats and azhar said i was too keen on gg to english. so i took one step by one step....ferst 2 periods do correction. on the stupid focus test which i failed. while making stupid jokes with zaima about the prank callers.

apparently,many already noe.the whole lvl noes.so dey everytime see us and dey go oink oink.no life lar.pls.go get life can? so zaima, and i decided if we are gg to prank call dem, we dnt wan to use oink oink.it'll be copying this pple. we wanted to tyr meow meow. or rawr! den i thought .
"imagine using a video call. and do the action of a lion, wen dey answer we rawr.den hang up."
and the babes added, "haha.complete with the make up and all"

den fnn.we were sleepy.as in me fahmi and zaima. but we ddnt sleep. we nearly did.but i volunteered to go and take file dats why i awake.(: den we took pictures.using zaima and fahmi hp. funny.den memories came back.we were sitting in the exact same postion as we did last yr on one particular school day. during bio.where ALL the rebl kaki's were sent out.and for once i wanted to stay in with zaima and fahmi. and the pics we took was so fcuking same.will show u guys sumtime(:

(((: maths.we got back our test paper. the paper we took last fri.wen i was sick.rmmbr? i was fcuking scared already.i ddnt wan to see my paper.coz i was sure i was gnna fail.i was so sure. and i passed.i got 9.i got the marks from all the qns i did.and minus away my interquartile and the last qn which i ddnt do.i got 9 over 15! im gnna pass tml maths focus test too.i will((:

den we had 5 mins practise for the stupid auditions for total defence. it was stupid.we went for the audition twice. and ms wong says we are gd and she wants to put us thru but we have to show we are woth being put thru.den i have to come upw ith something and i dnno wad. after dat, we prisnbreak physics extra lesson and go canteen.

den i bought toastbread and watch the junior ho act big fight over a netball fall. how "cute". i dnno if i shud smile or laugh or help. haha. one grp consisted of the typical minah the girl i dnt lile.the other concists of chi gerls. and one of them is veyr small and have centre parting.haha. i tink the wnning grp was the chin ones.and the mlaay girls think its funy den to play netball with bottle. blabal.

went home at 4 plus alone.reavh home.blabla.nap. blabla.here i am.

gtg now(:

take care loves!

and gd luck to all getting o lvl result tml!

and to BB girls:-
cheer up! must happy oks?

2007-02-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

first,heres the bloody photos i wanted to show u.the first one,is the dolls,(: and the other one is the grp dat went!(:dis is not gnna be a gd post.if im feeling shitty,i might make pple feel shitty too. so, if u dnt wan to be affected, saw the red X button at the right hand corner? click on it.and be gone. and stay away for a few days,it'll take me awhile to cool down.

im a daughter.a sister. a student. a councillor.a leader. a friend. in every way, deres an expectation to be met of me. a standard was set even without me agreeing to it. deres a lot of things which pple expect me to be at my best, a lot of things which pple depend on me to do. a lot of things which which pple think i capable of doing. sumtimes, wen a friend asks to be there, i felt that its my duty to be there. at the right ime or not, wen im fine or not, wen im down or not, wen im terribly pissed or not, i will be there. the thing is, i cannot say no to things which i think im being looked up upon.

take last yrs emceeing things for example. even if i dnt wan to emcee, the upper sec speech day conceert part alone,without dayah, icudnt say nobcoz mr bala asked me and i have no choice do i? mae b i did have a choice but i just couldnt say no. the lower sec speech day, i knew i had to say no, but i dnt. bcoz i felt that sum1 asks me to do sumting, its because they believe in me, because they think i am capable of doing a particular thing. dats why i nvr said no. dats why i went on with the emceeings. dats why i stayed up late a lot of nights, to memorise scripts. to attend rehearsals.

sumtimes,im expected to teach awin things. teach awin maths or english. and wen i dnt do it, which happens most of the time, i felt guilty. if i want her to be clever, if i wan her to be better, i have to help mould her too. and dats the thing i cant stand doing. i hate the fact that shes the youngest. i hate the fact that shes the one being pampered on. well,i was the youngest for 8 freaking yrs, until she came around. i hated the fact, its her the parents alwaes take side on.i noe i'd cry buckets of tears if i ever thougt she was gg to be not ok. wen i heard she was gg to undergo and operation for appendix, i cried, all through my ride. all through my walk from the hospital lobby all the way to her ward. i cried because i felt i havent done enough as a sister.i regretted the fact i wasnt nicer, i regretted the fact i wasnt spending time with her like i should. i regretted scolding her for every little things. i regretted not giving in to her. i regretted the fact that i tried to push her out of my life, just because the day after she was born , the whole family was at the hospital, looking at her and not me wen it was my bdae. i regretted being a shitty sister. but i noe deep inside, i love her.and she loves me too. the siterly bond,is a natural bond dat cannot be erased.((:

aniwae,school was alrite.(: maths alwaes have a side effect on me.i become mst irritating,most noisy most idiotic and most nonsensical during maths. i will laugh non-stop.hah. but of course do my work lar. (: we learned a new topic. a new topic for n3.but a topic i've learnt last yr but totally dnt understand. hah. i told u aishah, distance time graph is the topic we were chatting about sumth. suspect nak-IF lar. haha.dats the topic we were copying homewroks for. fique, dats the topic u went out of the class to do during bio test rmmbr?wen u have stupid answers on ur test? haha.

a classmate got caned todae.and it freaks the shit out of me. the last time i saw was 2 yrs back in sec 2 on my and zaima's bdae summore! OMG! i thought got spot check lar. i saw mrs jalil and mr gopal outside my class.walao eh. i already hide my hp sia. haha. (:

mt was as usual. usual for this yr.unusual compared to previous yrs. adapt .(: physics , again we have must miss speeches. irritating. nth much. we had sota test during cme.last qn was sumth2 about shining quality. and i wrote about my leadership qualities. and wen i worte, i have only 2 leadership roles which is so far too much to handle adding the others all up. and i thought i had 5 leadership roles last yr.how did i do it? i have no idea.haha. must be the fact i ddnt study last yr,dats why i can cope.i was a chaiperson/vice-chairperson, I&E champ, sc,sl,hist rep. comittee in drama. blabla.

after school,got this stupid council photo taking. its for a brochure during sc investiture.and aishah cant make it for my investiture. she has her check ups to go. its ok!(: yes rosniah, i dnt like wearing tie with pinafore coz we look like overstuffed potatoes.haha. ok shut up.dnt laugh arh rosniah. went down to the canteen. den fyna sitting alone in the canteen. ema,dayah and aishah buying foo.forced ehr accompany to toilet. den buy drink den food. den go back den ask her dnt wan to eat. say not hungry tap padahal ehk fynn? so went to buy food and drinks for her. den eat. den, zaima wanted to help cik sweep.but she sweep also the rubbish nvr go in.haha. zaima,i tutor u in household chores wan? little but little bit i noe lar.

den ask netball ball from mr lim. he say must loook for p.e teacher.den he say tml zaima and i must present wad we are gnna do during the mime thing for total defence day.like i got nth bttr to do like dat. no time argue with him go see mr yip. den take netball ball. den play with fyna. i like!i scored more den her! haha. todae luck wa smore on my side.i had bttr aimings! haha. den halfwae aishah told fyna and i sumths. and i broke down. bitch lar she! (: den play netball. den i said "klu aku score maksodnyer ******************************" haha. luck really on my side lar. den went up late for drama.wasnt in the mood at all to go. went up with fyna. went up saw pengs.talk to her. den go up.go drama. settle down. den explain sec 1 games. den play. den allan forfeit. den yuen came just wen i was about to teach improvisation.nvm sec 1 's! e will do it next week!i promise. totally ddnt have the mood to act.went for 1 run.it was alright. i clashed lines with joyce.my fault. den practise blockages. i was so cold. i use a cloth to make like ari like dat. den at one part during the courst scene i alwaes climb on the box and quickly sit.but with the "sari" i cudnt sit on time.so everyone was laughing at me.

den, practising katies scene.den dat part i became rumour with joyce and hilmi.den joyce nvr come out. den hilmi oso nvr come out. den i call hilmi out. den wen he come out i thought he was gnna stop on my left so i reached my hand out.but he moved on to my rigt.dats wen i accidentally touched his crotch. and he told every one i touched his birdbird. idiot lar.haha. it really isnt wad u think it is lar.(: and i cudnt say anything to explain myself can i?

haha..and ohoh!!!! i passed my social studies test.the last time i passed it was 25/50 during last yrs mid yr exams! i was happy. but i will do bttr! i got 16/25(: i like! aniwae, 2nd run, we did werst den ferst run.den yen asked if deres anything anyone wanted to say on wad we think is the problem. joyce spoke up ferst.she said the crews arent serious. and den the crews sumsort not happy.dey started saying joyce act not gd enough. den i raised up my hand and said "i think the crews are not serious and focus.dy mov the props halfheartedly" den the crews like qrgue back. den yuen shut us all up. den she say. everyone got fault. den she say, theres a clear separation in the club.and wad one person do will affect the others. and den after dat the rest is up to us. den she say got anything else?

me: we will work harder next week.
joyce:yes, we will be bttr.we will take negativiy to help us.
me: we will accept each others weaknesses and work on it.
en the crew said sumting very sarcastic to us.and yuen got pissed.so the dismissal was very solemn lar.

to the drama club, esp our beloved stage manager,annie:-
we are all in this together arent we?sec 4', we know its our last yr,we might not even come back next yr.this syf,is really up to us. its up to us to make sure drama keeps on gg. its up to us to make sure our drama juniors have a cca. its up to us.we all know,drama is gnna close down if we dnt bring home anything this april syf right? we know how the school is already not giving us money ryte? the only one thing left for us to do.is to keep going and give our all. lets be focus for the last 3 months before syf. and if we win, our hard work for 2 yrs,wont go to waste ok? so are we in this tgt or not?(: i am.who's with me and the rest whos in?

to aishah:-
promise me everything is gnna be alright? promise me u'll turn out fine? promise me everything will be ok? promise me nothing will happen? promise me i wont have to count down any more days.? promise me u no hugs will ever be the last?promise me the laughters arent one of the last?promise? it will be alright wont it?i love u babe.and i dnno wad i'd do without u(: so pls be alright.promise?

to atiqah JUNIOOR!:-
wake up sweetie. its over.its called a break up because its broken. u can slash ur wrist all u want. u can draw on ur hand all u want. u can keep saying u lved him but yet he did dis. u can do nything.but at the end of the day, do u get anything back? do u get him back?do u even to remain with an asshole in the first place?u gave ur all sweets.he ddnt.its his fault.his the jerk.his the bloody asshole which i wud go and kill.but i wont, because wad wud i get back in return for you?he is not worth ur time and energy and most imprtly ur heart. c'mon dear, u are having ur streaming dis yr.go to a class of ur choice ext yr. dnt let this stupid nonsense bring u bad. u are only gg on 14.deres so much more in store.im positively sure he is not the THE ONE. think, get over it.its not worth it.its not as easy as its being said, but u've got to try,and i feel dat u are not trying hard enough.(: im here.and so is every one else.(:

to this bloody prank callers:-
they say revenge is sweet.im taking my revenge now.its sweeter den u tink it is. i noe wu prank called.i wudnt mind if its just ytd.coz its over. but u did it to zaima too. and the stupid and foolish thing was u prank call and u ddnt keep it to urself.so i found out. and u did again todae. a lot of times.u are wasting ur bloody money to call me.coz wen i answer i dnt have top ay sweetie loves. u all are messing with the wrong pple. 81414986. many will call u up yes? have fun getting prank called! and pple who are gnna call dem please oinkoinkoink and hang up.coz dats wad dey did. thank you(: but do it only wen its guy voice who picked up.if its a women dat mins its their mom. they are using their mums hp u see. so ya.rmmbr to call dem!dey'd love to hear u guy versions of oinkinkoink!(:

to a ROLE MODEL!:-
thank you. i only have that to say. a role model is sum1 im comfortable with. thanks for listening to wad i ahve to say just now. i ddnt noe why.and i ddnt expect to pour it out on you.of all pple. i ddnt expect to say wad i have been feeling on everything. but i did. and for all the things u said back in return, i thank you for dat.

to the express e4 malay boys:-
yes im not in the committee member anymore.and so what is ur bloody problem? wads u pples bloody motives? i dnt mind not being in the committee.im glad im not in even. im not authority deprived.so wadever to u guys.

to the bloody bitches who is making things diff for aishah:-
try making my friend sad again.u can try but pls worry about ur life for the next months to come. i will make sure den u receive endless sarcasms. i will make sure den u get caught for every litttle thing. dnt try me. u guys noe i alwaes mean wad i say. and pls, in class u can bully aishah as much as u want,see outside class,i'll give u double lar,seriously,u can try lar u idiots.

and to everyone else,
i was previously very down at the start of the post. but im not animore.while typing this post out i was getting advises from a very respectable person.this is wad i was told.

expressway is a road where ppl drive w/o stopping, w/o sparing a thought for each other
those who do, drive on e outermost lane near e exit of e expressway
since ur near e exit, sometimes u wan to go out of e expressway and stop being tohughtful
or u cud just go drive straight, doing ur own things
in an expressway, u can never stop or reverse ur car
ul get killed
deres no such thing as try. cos thats as good as stopping ur car and killing urself
either u go straight, or exit
just.. have a lil faith alright.

so pple,im staying positive minded.i initially thought my glass was knocked down and it was totally empty.boy was i wrong! my glass is still half full! im glad!((:

i gtg now.take care everyone!

p.s im sure no one clicked the X button mainly because u al wan to continue reading!this is wad i call reverse physchology!(:

2007-02-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

alrite.im gnna make a quick update.bcoz its already late at nyte.and im suppose to go and sleep now. because i have drama too tml. urghs.
school was alright todae.nearly had to make the announcements.haha. but as alwaes,shafiqah got away(: and i sang on the steps. ((: and singing the national anthem and reciting the pledge was a little depressing todae.and i dnno why. i cudnt bring my eyes up and look sumwhere high or tall or wadever just so i will look as though i was proud to be singing the national anthem which i am proud but i dnno why..aiyah.nvm lar(:

and yes,u ceratinly spotted a lar there in my post. THE DEAL WAS OFF.i accidentally broke the deal by saying the same word which is LAR. haha. well well,i cant do anyting(: all i noe, and all i noe which matters was, i have tried my best, and i was so close.its approximately 2 daes to it being over and to my proving that i shall stay in AHEM AHEM.

well, i got crazy in maths and i dnno why! haha. i was practically laughing non-stop.and fahmi,how dare u hit me with that long ruler of yours. dahalr thn lepas cacatkan tangan aku. and gentle reminder to u fahmi, save ur money,i want that small teeny scar removed through plastic surgery ok. and sorry, the thing i saed easy in maths wasnt cumulative frquency.i dnno if deres such thing or not.haha. wad thing was easy was frequency density. i confused lar. frequency here.density dere.cumulative everywhere sia. (:

after recess gg back to class with jes,upon reaching second floor i was like ok bye jes.and she was like.its only second floor u noe.dne i was like oyah!im in 4n3! haa.i thought i was in 3e4 still.stupid me.haha. the other day fahmi asked "if given a chance,wud u wan to go back to e4? and be a student dere?now dat u are already ok with 4n3?"
and it makes me think.do i wan to go back? and i have my answer.I DNT WANT TO GO BACK.
4n3 is at pace where i like to be in. i have many frens back in the express, but in 4n3 i make new frens.every day,is me learning new things about my classmates. their jokes who used to be so lame, is so funny now. i have a feeling i might be attached to this class so bad(:
den after school was bio test. and because i ddnt read thru my textbook, and because i only glanced through my file. i find the paper alright lar. and i ddnt noe there was percentage den.i was like wtf? got such thing arh. and daf was like calling my name in a lud whisper. ahha. "yng sini respiration yng situ photosynthesis?" and i told her the other way round.den wen i check its the other way round.haha. shut up.(: after bio paper, collected bio practical book. boring. IM JUST DOING MY JOB AS A BIO REP! den go out of school i realised that my wallet missing.ran back to inside school, found my wallet under my desk! went home.saw mards under my blog. she say she shy to go up ferst since she early. haha. went up. she do her fnn and i fall asleep! haha. blabla. eat. den i do nth she do fnn.she go home. i go online. received WWW pics from fyna.like finally.

CONCLUSION : blogger sucks big time. i cant fuking upload pictures.dats why i put it up in a collage form as u will see later.(: ahha. so pls be thankful that i made an EXTRA efoort to be putting it up in collages for the fact that i shud be sleeping now.chet. kns wan u all.

WOW!! i just used kns after a LONG,LONG time! wow. i miss using it lars. kns.kns.kns.kns.kns.kns. huahuahu. (: kns u all dnt laugh lar.

i have 2 more bloody photos to show but bcoz like i saed blogger is like kns. so i cant upload it.big time kns wan lor. i will try to upload it tml. ((:

i have drama tml. and if it cocks up again. den its big time bullshit lar. i wan to play netball again before drama! yay!alrite. before i get nagged. i shall go now!(:

i heard theres photo taking for councils tml. must bring tie summore.wtf.(:

okok.bye!LOR!(:

p.s a thought that passes thru my mind todae, shud i cloase my blog?

2007-02-05T22:07:00.000-08:00

im back actually((: fnn after school was fine.bullied anuar.incluing mdm shariffah! haha. so anwar,beauty is skin deep ok! ((: and so,dose who have been passing by me in school and keeps on repeating the food from the heart ting.here,i tell u.

during the holidaes, kak ain,my cousin, who works at FOOD FROM THE HEART, asks if i wanted to help out at this golf event held at jurong country club. but i dnt to do it alone, so i asked ziam and aishah along.and we 3 went to do it. its was from morning till nite. and it was soo fun. i dnt mind not getting CIP hours,i had loads of fun.and during this golf event,kak ain, subo-ed me too to do an announcement. frreaked me off for awhile.but yar.and aishah zaima and i had so much laughs.coz we treated the country club as our house. and the ballroom was our dining room! hahah. aniwae,after dat event.we came back for more. there was this BRIDGING HEARTS event, where dayah followed along.it was like a day where needy students from lakeside pri, come to school and have like a small carnival and dey like, received foods from the school there was a few booths. tatoo, cotton candy, balloon. and i dnt rmmbr wad. and we 4 happen to be In charge of the tattoo booth.which pparently,we were not forgotten till now. the children had o much fun. and at the next event, the even "TOYS ON THE RUN" its an even held at taman jurong cc. where all the needy children go on like a trailer and able to pick atoy. but before that event,which is went by me,aishah and zaima, we went down to mercedes benz to help and wrap the more then 1000 presents . OMG. and it was tiring but fun. i have nvr seen soo much toys in my life,of course outside a toy shop! and dats the day,where i actually left for the hospital after mercedes benz coz awin was admitted for appendix. and den after dat, i went back to taman jurong cc to help in the tattoo booth.this time,we were put at the tattoo booth w/o being asked. and our return for dat event was wen kak ain told us "adek,u and ur frens free? coz christine(founder of ffth tgt with her husband) wants u guys to help out in blablabla. and christines daughter liked the tattoo u made for her" .haha.so we came back. (:

and trust me, event though,i lose my camera at that last event, it actually open my eyes on how needy children can be. we had toys while growing up.dey dnt.but their shows of affections touched me. kak ain told me,dere was dis boy,wo went up the truck and ddnt pick a toy for himself but instead take a soft toy for his younger sister. he ddnt pick the most expensive toy himself.he ddnt take the hot wheels or wadever toys boys his age wud die for,he took one for his younger sister.how thoughtful.and the qn is, WOULD YOU HAVE DONE THE SAME? would u pick a toy out for sum1 else who is in the same situation as u are? wud u? im not as thoughtful of the boy,if put in the same situation,i dnt tink i'd want to put others before myself. dnt say u'll do wad the boy did, coz i noe,wen given an adversity,u wud put urself before others.prove me wrong.

but wad the boy did was certainly an eye-opener.really. so,voluntary work can change pples life in one way or the other. u can go and be a volunteer.go with ur frens.it'll be fun.even if its tiring,it'll be an experiene u'll rmmbr(:
dis was us during the golf event.

during the bridging hearts event.

i have just goodbye to say.
i have got to move on.
asking you to try and change my mind,
is just a wishful thinking on my part.
who am i?what am i?
compared to her, im just nothing.
i wan to move on.
& i dnt wanna look back.
im tired of playing this game.
i just wan to stop everything.
& i wan things to go back to the way it was before u came into mylyf.
dats why i say, reality hurts.
but i have got to be strong ,
like i have alwaes been.
im putting u as part of my history,my past.
memories remembered,
but present,
u dnt exist anymore.
thats it.
its the end.

.

.

.

im sure u wan to to noe who is MR SUNSHINE.
so who is the famous MR SUNSHINE that everyone wants to know?
so who is this person thats so mysterious that i am keeping it a secret so bad?
so who is this person whos causing you to people to crack brains, interogate others to find out?
SO IM GOING TO TELL YOU NOW.
IM GOING TO TELL YOU WHO IS MR SUNSHINE.
IM COMING CLEAN.

MR SUNSHINE......

IS.....

...OK,WE'LL GO SLOW.
MR SUNSHINE IS OLD.VERY OLD.
BUT HE DOESNT GROW BEARD.
AND HE HAS NO WHITE HAIR.(:
BUT I'D LOVE TO THINK HIS YOUNG.
HIS BORN IN SOMEWHERE IN JANUARY TO JUNE.
THE DATE IS BTWEEN 1-30.

&& I HAVE YET TO DECIDE ON HIS NAME.AN ANYONE OR SUM1 JUST GIVE ME AN IDEA?

COZ MR SUNSHINES...
IS ACTUALLY...

MY....

~~BOYFRIEND~~ IMAGINARY FRIEND!
dnt tell pple though,they might send me to counsellor yeo!

BOTTOMLINE,THATS IT ABOUT MR SUNHSINE.DNT QUESTION ANYMORE.I DNT WAN TO PLAY GUESING GAMES ANYMORE. SO, I WONT TALK ABOUT MR SUNHSINE HERE IN MY BLOG AND SO SHUD THE REST OF YOU. STOP ASKING ABOUT HIM.(: IM NOT TELLING.BY TELLING AND BY REMINDING ME,U ARE NOT HELPING ME ON SUMTING(:

is dis wad i really,really want?
sighs. i dnno.

HOW FAIR WAS IT FOR ME?
IF IT WASNT FAIR FOR YOU,
DID YOU PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES?
I DDNT BEAR A GRUDE ON YOU.
IKEPT QUIET.
IT WAS OK FOR ME TO ACCEPT WADEVER'S HAPPENING.
THOUGH FOR THE FACT,
YOU KNOW I WAS DEEPLY BOKEN PREVIOUSLY,
BUT I KEPT QUIET.
I DDNT WAN TO MIND.
SO WHY ARE YOU ACTING OR RATHER PLAYING WEIRD NOW?
I WASNT STABBING YOU IN THE BACK.
I WAS JUST GOING FOR WHAT I WANTED.
THANKS ARH.
TAHNKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL WORSE DEN I ALREADY WAS.
GUESS WAD?U WIN.
I DNT WAN TO DO THIS ANYMORE.
IM GIVING UP.
FOR YOU.
FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED.
SO IM GNNA TAKE IT AS MY FAULT.
WE PROMISED TO FORGET,
BUT YOU DDNT GKEEP TO YOUR SIDE OF THE DEAL.
YOU BROKE THE PROMISE.
WADEVER.
IM DOING WHAT YOU WANT.
WHAT MORE CHOICE DO I HAVE?
COZ IN EVERYONES EYES,
U ARE ALWAES THE ONE AT RIGHT.
AND IM ALWAES THE ONE AT FAULT,
MERELY BECAUSE I DNT KEEP TO MYSELF LIKE U DO.
MERELY BECAUSE, I DNT PRETEND LIKE YOU.
WADEVER.

over.

2007-02-05T15:37:00.000-08:00

alrite.haha.im in fnn now.although,its after school,we are suppose to have practical every mondae, after school,but this week we are doing our coursework. (:
so,which means,yes,im suppose to do my coursework now,but haha. i ddnt bring my soft copy so wadever.will do it all at home.(:

i woke up at 610.blabla.and todae,the bus was so late can.then wen finally come at 655.got 3 bus. dey must have gone sumwhere ferst! shitty.I WILL LODGE A COMPLAINT.idiots.3 buses okay? at the same tyme.i will ask the government to reduce their pay.BY 10 CENTS!=)

reached school a little later.but i was not late! searched for jes.blablabla.was laughing and crapping with jesline. haha.wen to sing on steps.i wanted to laugh cause jesline was beside me and was smiling non-stop.haha.go backstage.jes ddnt let me return the announcement book. she says im stepping down so its no longer my duty to return the announcement. but actually,i like to return the announcement.cn see mdm aishah,den can crap with her nonsense. haha.

anw, had bio.nth much.physics also nth much.except that mr chian,as usual will give international must miss speeches.it was so lame can.it alwaes alwaes go back to the fact that we have 8 more months.it gets irritating.it dsnt pressurise me at least.it gets me irritated.((: maths we learned cumulative density. dats easy(: nth much. went early recess.bought food for zaima and myself. nth much.ate. went up at 1045. with joycelyn. nth much.read the emcee tingees in front of mr wong once! and he say ok very good.den i went toilet.stomach cramps. not menses ok. ((: pain like one shit. den shannon and isa asks me not to do the emcee but mr wong have already taken down my name ryte,so must do.and i did the emceeing.i was so nervous dnno why.haha. and azhar dsnt want to go to class and sit and it looks as though everyone wants to go the back of the hall to watch the presentation on CIP.

i was laughing at mr bala,cause he stands in front of us.and show his butt.and covered the screen and we cant see! so i was tilting my head.coz i saw names.the first name i saw was

3.NUR SYAFIQAH(4n3)
and i was like.last yr 4n3 got syafiqah??den i look at no 2 and no 1.and i saw zaimas and aishahs name and i was like we were being commented on for doing the voluntary work during the hols for FFTH.and i realise,the syafiqah,was me. next time,ms zarina,give us warning can? it came so unexpectedly, dat i got confused who was dat.and summore my name u spelled wrongly. IF U ARE GG TO COMMENT ON ME,PLS HAVE THE CORRECT SPELLING OF MY NAME. and my name have been clearly spelled at the envelope wad.do u wan me to recommend an eye specialist to u?(:

opps!gtg!wryte later!